Wednesday, October 31, 2007

The Longest Ride Ever

Ok, As you all know I live in Baltimore MD (well a suburb northwest of the city actually). Tomorrow I need to visit a client site for their health benefits fair. My boss and I are going. The benefits fair is in Vienna VA. VIENNA VA!! That's 2 hours away.

My boss offered to pick me up so that we can ride together. I like my boss. I really do. But what the hell are we going to talk about in the car....just the two of us.......for 2 freaking hours!!!??

I mean honestly. I see the conversation going something like this....."It's a beautiful day isn't it?" "Yes it is but we do need rain." "Yes we do but I hate rainy days." "Yeah...I see what you mean." "Yeah... a drag." "Yeah...." That can only carry you for so far.

After that.... **SILENCE**

What the hell am I supposed to do tomorrow? HELP!!!!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

I've Been Tagged!!

I've been tagged by Soumynona over at This Lil' write of mine

The rules of the game are:
A). Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog...
B). Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself...
C). Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs...
D). Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

**You get it?? --- You got it?? --- [GOOD] --- So here goes:**

1. I don’t know all the words to ANY song except two: The Fight Song from my junior high school and The Greatest Love of All (we sung that at our Junior High graduation) Hmmm… see a pattern there?

2. I get repulsed and pissed off when someone spits on the ground. ESPECIALLY right in front of me! YUCK!

3. I am trying really hard to find job/business where I can work from home and earn big cash.

4. I am completely different from all of my friends. I have no idea why they are my friends to tell you the truth.

5. I get bored really easily.

6. I am spoiled.

7. Most of my dreams actually come true.

I am tagging Lisa-40’s Singleness, Vi vi Voom, Emancipation of a Drama Queen, DC Speaks, Poker Girl

Friday, October 26, 2007

Would I be missed?

I was reading a fellow bloggers sad, pathetic, melancholy post today and it made me rather sad, pathetic and melancholy.

His post was questioning whether anyone would miss him if he died. It got me to thinking. Hell, people tell me I'm a joy to be around, (shut up!) fun and all that crap but we are not really close at all. I wouldn't call those people friends. It's pretty hard for me to allow people close enough to me to have a deep, meanful relationship.

So with that said, if I were to suddenly die, would anyone really miss me? Would people come to my funeral? I have always imagined my funeral being really dismal with like no one in attendance. Sure, my brothers and nieces and nephews would attend. Maybe my boss (out of a sense of obligation) and a very few of my friends. Other then that, the church would be empty. That's a pretty sad scenrio. I mean...who would honestly know I was gone let alone come to my funeral.

Would my brothers have enough wherewithall to grab my cell phone and call my friends and collegues to tell them what happened? Some how I don't see them doing that. They are not the most detailed, forward thinking of individuals.

Hmmmm....Am I the only other person that wonders these kinds of things from time to time?

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

An Open Letter to My Fathers Daughter

I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing to primarily get this off my chest. There are some thoughts and feelings swirling around in my head that I think need addressing. It’s funny the impact a TV show could have on a person but I am writing this prompted by a television show I watched last week.

As I sat and watched one of my favorite shows currently on, Grey’s Anatomy, I realized Meredith and her half sister have something in common with you and me. It was then, watching that show I began to realize some of the feelings you were having and I feel I may have been a little insensitive to those feelings and for that I apologize but let’s make no mistake; I do not and will not be made to feel guilty because of the way I grew up.

I know, our lives couldn’t be any different or further apart if we lived on separate continents but that is not my fault.

It’s not my fault that our father chose to leave your mother when you were a little girl.

It’s not my fault that our father met and fell in love with my mother.

It’s not my fault that our father married my mother when he had never married yours.

It is not my fault that there was so much tension and drama back then between all parties involved that my mother and our father chose to flee the state of New Jersey and move thousands of miles away for a little peace.

I’m not saying that was right. Quite frankly, I think all parties involved handled the situation abhorrently. But again, that is not my fault.

It’s not my fault that our father was there with me, for me, everyday of my life until his death.

It’s not my fault that our father stayed absent from your life from the age of 7 until you were 19.

With all that said, I could not understand why every attempt to reach out to you was met with civility but no true warmth or mutual desire from you.

I did not understand that, until I saw Grey’s Anatomy. Please do not hold what happened or did not happen in the past against me as I had nothing to do with the choices our parents made when we were children.

It's not my fault.

Diva, An Understanding Sister

Friday, October 19, 2007

Are You an Energy Vampire?

I borrowed this post from a fellow blogger.

On the Star Trek series “Star Trek Next Generation” one of the characters, Counselor Deanna Troi was an empath. Not only could she read peoples minds, she could also feel their physical and emotional pain as well, not to mention feel their joy.

I think many of us today are like that too, I know I am. I suffer from being to empathic at times. Someone comes to me with a sob story and I immediately empathize with them to the point I begin to feel as bad as they do.

And conversely some person starts telling you how much money they have, or how smart their kids are, or how nice their new car is, or about their new house, new shoes or whatever. You can’t get a word in, they just take over the conversation and not really listening to you. It’s not that you don’t care, but the truth is you have other more pressing matters on your mind. You just are listening just to be nice, but they draw the energy out of you. Didn’t realize until the other day that there is a name for folks like that, they are called “Energy Vampires.” I am sure we all know one or two people that fit into this category.

Of course there are people you can’t wait to be around, their spirit and energy revitalizes you, and if you are down they have a way of lifting you up. But unfortunately those people are more susceptible to having their energy drained by the Energy Vampires.

The sob sister, for one, always considers herself the victim. The world is always against her, and she'll recount every horrible thing that has happened to her, wallowing in every perceived slight. The charmer is a constant talker or joke-teller who has to be the center of attention. The blamer, on the other hand, doles out endless servings of guilt. And then there's the drama queen, the co-worker who claims she almost died from a high fever or the neighbor who lives in extremes of emotion—life is unbelievably good or horrifically bad.” Dr. Judith Orloff.

Being a empath goes against everything we believe in to not be sympathetic to these people, but they are literally draining us of our life force. But I am learning to back away. I am learning to protect myself from people like this. You can be compassionate without feeling saddled with their problems.

I am learning to be aware of which individuals deplete my energy and I am trying to limit my contact with them. I am learning to say, “This is what I can do for you, and this is what I can't.” They are drowning in their sorrow and if I am not careful they will pull me down with them.

A suggestion is you step back and think about what type of people aggravate you, because I believe that one law of energy is that we attract what we haven't yet worked out in ourselves. If I'm a very angry person, I'll find myself surrounded by angry people. By paying attention to the people who seem so draining, you might discover something you need to address. It has been my experience that once you've worked through a particular issue, you're no longer worn out by that kind of energy vampire. And the vampires, robbed of a source, move on to more easily drainable audiences.” Dr. Judith Orloff.

How do you know if you're an empath? What are the signs?

Quiz: Are You an Intuitive Empath? Ask yourself:
• Have I ever sat next to someone at a dinner who seems pleasant, but suddenly I’m nauseous, have a head-ache, or feel drained?
• Am I uncomfortable in crowds, even go out of my way to avoid them?
• Do I get easily over-stimulated by people or prefer being alone?
• When someone is in pain, do I start feeling it too?
• Do I overeat around people I’m uncomfortable with?

If you’ve answered “yes” to one or more of these questions, it’s likely you have experienced intuitive empathy. Responding “yes” to every question indicates empathy is draining your energy.

Tips for Keeping Your Positive Energy High
1. In crowds or stressful situations take a few deep breaths to exhale negative energy from your body.
2. Visualize a protective shield of light around you, allowing positive energy in, but keeping the negative energy out.
3. Meditate daily to center yourself, visualize roots going through you and planting firmly in the ground.
4. Take daily baths or showers to wash off negative vibes.
5. Burn sage in a room to purify left over negative vibes.
6. Eliminate energy vampires (people who sap you)

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

My Life

My dating life has taken a rather interesting turn as of late.

You all know about Mr. Construction, The Manager and The Analyst. Well, The Manager is completely out of the picture now. I haven’t spoken to him in over a month now. It’s fine with me because as I’ve mentioned here before, I had concerns that he wasn’t really ready for a relationship anyway. Don’t get me wrong, I miss him a great deal because I liked him but I kept my heart on reserve to spare the pain of what was the inevitable so I’m just dandy. Miss him but I am just dandy. It was for the best.

Mr. Construction is also out of the picture. I also mentioned how he had certain habits that just irritated the crap out of me. I was willing to TRY and work through those bad habits but this weekend was the last straw. He stayed the night over on Friday night. We went to the movies, had dinner. All in all a pretty good night. The next morning we had to awake pretty early as the cable guy was scheduled to come between 7:00 and 9:00am. (I could not get the Oxygen channel on two of the three TV’s in my house. That so had to be corrected immediately.) Anyway, Mr. Construction replaces a light fixture on my porch while the cable guy does whatever cable guys do to fix stuff by running from my house to his truck then back to my house then back to his truck then back to my house and so forth. Mr. Construction finishes the light fixture soon after and walks into the house and announces that he was leaving. I asked him to at least stay until the cable guy was done just in case we need to help him move the large (and heavy) book cases and TV that were in front of one of the cable outlets. He tells me no, he has to go and then leaves. I just told him to go then and shut the door behind him. I was fuming. The cable guy would have been finished pretty soon. He could have stuck around for another half hour to help me out. I was furious. He called later that morning to see if in fact he would have been needed. I told him no we managed without him and he was gracious enough to tell me “I told you.” Great guy here. I hang up the phone with the resolution in my soul that I was done with him. I went to lunch with my best friend later that afternoon. Mr. Construction called during that lunch but I never heard the phone so I didn’t answer the call. Not that I would have anyway. Today is Wednesday and I have not called him nor have I heard from him since. Shows the strength of that relationship huh? LOL Oh well.

Then there is The Analyst. We broke up but still keep in touch very regularly. He was the one that took such good care of me when I had my recent surgery. He was a Godsend. Well he tells me this weekend that he wants to try and renew our previous relationship. Now when I heard these words from him I immediately teared up because I prayed for so long to hear those words come from him and there they were. Of all the men I’ve dated recently, none of them compared to The Analyst. None of them had the compassion, the caring, the polish that he has. There has always been a wonderful sense of warmth, comfort and completeness that I experience with The Analyst that I hadn’t with any other. I am also very scared as I do not want to get hurt again. We talked about my fears and concerns. He put them all to rest and I am really glad that we decided to slowly give this thing another chance. We’ll see how this thing goes but I am very hopeful at this time.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

The Continuation Part 3...

With all the drama going on around my once peaceful abode I found it necessary to vacate those premises. It was extremely difficult to see those two so to keep my sanity and remain out of jail I moved.

Before I moved, however, I did realize that dumbass was receiving extra pay for being married that should have come home to his wife. So as you can imagine, I found it necessary to contact his commander/chief, whatever you called him, and bemoan how in dire straits I was financially (LOL). After all, I'm just a woman unable to stand on her own two feet and my husband just up and left me. LOL

Oh dumbass was not happy that I was going to receive part of his pay. Hmmmm.... oh well. Those checks started coming in monthly and it was great. Dumbass did everything he could to stop the influx of funds, but atlas, it was to no avail. LOL

On a separate issue, one evening he decided he would break into my apartment to retrieve his bicycle that was left on the balcony. I had the police come out and filed a police report. The next day I filed charges against him for breaking in and damaging my property. (He tore my balcony screen door). Oh I am so bad I know.

We went to court on our designated date and the charges where being read off and dumbass just stood there looking like a deer in headlights asking for a postponement because he did not have an attorney. Mind you he had already asked for a postponement which was granted so needless to say the judge was not having that and in no uncertain terms told him no...he had plenty of time to secure an attorney and we would proceed. Dumbass was so clueless.

Oh well, he sat down waiting for the time to testify when an attorney sitting in the courtroom representing someone else decided to have pity on dumbass and started to help him. He called us all out to the waiting room in order to settle this before the actual hearing began. My mother was with me and she chimed in, “No! He should go to jail!”

I settled for making him give me all of the cash he had in his pocket and left. Later that day I went shopping. HAHAHA!

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

The Ex Files Continued....

Ok, so after months and months of fighting and unhappiness the hubby and I decided to call it quits. Albeit amidst a flurry of name calling, accusations and threats.

I had had enough and it was time to end this farce of a marriage. I told him in no uncertain terms to leave and leave immediately. I requested my house key and car key back (his car was in MY name) and he refused so unfortunately the police had to get involved. Needless to say he left that evening.

I was not sure were he was going to spend the night and frankly I did not care. I was just relieved that I was finally done with him and his foolishness.

Over the course of a couple days he contacted me to make arrangements to gather some of his belongings left behind. In that conversation I found out he moved in with our next door neighbor.

Now don’t get me wrong, I suspected something nefarious was going on between them. Call it woman’s intuition if you like. (that is for real by the way) There were always subtle hints that something was going on between them but I said nothing as I didn’t have any concrete proof of said alleged affair.

So, as I was saying, he in fact moved in with her. In her ONE BEDROOM apartment. I was LIVID. That is the height of disrespect. How could someone do something like that to another human being?

I would be forced to look out of my window daily to the sight of them traipsing in and out of their little love nest together. Can I tell you thoughts of murder quickly spread rampid. If only I could have figured out a way to do it without getting caught. Hmmmmmm…Oh well.

I had a married couple upstairs from me that saw everything that was going on. (As did every one else in the neighborhood) One day as I was sitting at home doing whatever I was doing when I heard a knock at the door. When I looked out of the peep hole I saw it was the wife from upstairs. I opened the door and greeted her with a warm smile.

She said, “We know what is going on and we just wanted you to know how sorry we are.” and handed me a vase of flowers. I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I tried to quickly get her out of my doorway before the tears that were welling up began to pour out like a tsunami.

That was a very rough time. I did manage to get my “digs” in though…

Thursday, October 4, 2007

The Ex-husband Files....

I'm not sure if I told you all this before but I was once married. Yep me. My husband was an insecure, insensitive manipulative cheat. (I'll get into all that other stuff later)

On one warm, beautiful, sunny Saturday morning my husband and I were just lounging around in bed trying to wake up and talking. In the midst of our conversation he said something that completely floored me.

He said, "Um, I joined the Navy."

Me: I just looked at him and blinked. "You did what?"

Him: "I joined the Navy the other day."

Oh you know I was out of that bed, hands flailing looking like a crazy woman.

Me: "Excuse me? How the hell can you do something like that without talking to me FIRST!?"

Him: "I've always wanted to join the Navy. This is something I need to do for ME."

Me: "You selfish bastard! It's no longer about just YOU. You have a wife now to think about."

I just could not fathom how a spouse could do something so drastic without discussing it with their mate. It was beyond me. I was livid.

I threw on some clothes and drove all the way to his recruiters office to confront the bastard but when I arrived the lights were on, the door was locked but he would not answer the door. I was hot!

I drove back home to finish having it out with dumbass but he had left. You better believe that he and I argued for weeks after that because what he did was reprehensbile.

His mother told him one time when we were visiting her that, "You better not leave that pretty girl here all by herself. Some man is gonna come and snatch her up." Dumbass just looked at us both, shook his head and looked out the window into the backyard.

A whole lot of drama insued before he left for basic training. I'll let you in on it little by little. Too much for one blog entry.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

I'm so hungry

Ok, I don't cook very often at all. When you live alone you most often don't have the motivation to cook meals when you come home from work. It's just simpler to either heat up a frozen dinner, make a sandwich or order take out.

So I have no idea what the hell got into me to cook dinner last night but I decided to become Betty Crocker.

I decided to cook Flounder and Rice and Gravy. Amazing I know. Why is it when I sat down to inhale said gourmet meal the rice was wayyyyy to salty and the fish was mushy. How the hell could fish be mushy. I've never encountered that before. Ok so I wasn't happy.

I remembered that there were frozen taquitos in the freezer so I gleefully lept from the table and sprinted to the freezer, grabbed those precious gems and popped those babies in the oven.

Awwwww....nothing like a home cooked meal.