Saturday, May 30, 2009

Me And My Hair-Brain Schemes

I’m going to reveal something here to you that you may not know about me. I was reluctant to reveal this because I didn’t want to ruin the perfect, goddess, diva image you have of me but it’s time I come clean. I dye my hair! I know…I know…..! It’s shocking but since we are all one big dysfuntional family I can share that.

One day early last week it was time to touch up my dye job because the gray was taking over (Damn gray hair!). Anyway, a few days after I purchased the dye kit I decide to actually open the box and dye my hair. You can imagine my horror when I realized that the Step 1 bottle (the activator) was missing! NOOOOOOO!

I combed through the entire house looking for the receipt so that I could take this useless piece of shit dye kit back to the store. You will not believe this but that receipt was no where to be found! I know right!

What am I to do? It was then that I got the bright idea to go to a different store and purchase a new dye kit and just return the useless kit back to this latest store for a refund. Brilliant right?

Follow me here because this gets tricky…..I put the “old” kit in the plastic store bag and threw the new kit way (box included) after I used it. I took the "new" receipt and the old box back to the store for my refund. The clerk scans the box. Wait a minute. He is scanning the BOX? I thought he only needed the receipt. He scanned it once, then scanned it again then looked at me and said “The system said this is an invalid box?” Huh? I did what any self respecting scammer would do I simply asked him, “Are you sure?” and batted my eyes for effect. He assured me I was getting no money this day. Drats!

“Hmmmm…maybe the boxes got switched.” I said as I gathered my contraband and walked out with my head held down. If I was smart I would have put the old kit in the new box and taken that to the store. Me and my hair-brain schemes.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Who Are My Neighbors?

Hello my blogosphere family. I have just come to a revelation and I must share this with you all because we are that close.

I think my neighbors next to me are Colombian drug lords. I say this because you never see anyone coming in or out of that house but you hear loud banging noises constantly. I could have sworn I heard a buzz saw the other day.

I've lived in my house for almost 7 years and STILL have no clue who lives there. The few times I've noticed someone going into the house, I've never seen them come back out. I have no idea what kind of car they drive because I never see the same car in front of their house.....ever.

Sounds kinda suspicious. You tell me.

Friday, May 22, 2009

This Weekend

Well it's here.....the long Memorial Day holiday weekend!!! I am pumped. I have nothing planned except a girls night out tonight. There is sure to be some crazy shenanigan's going on that I will fill you in on next week for sure. The rest of the weekend should be pretty quiet which is good because then I can go with the flow and let things develop. The weather should be great too!

Have you all noticed that the gas Nazi's are capitalizing on the fact that this is a very heavily traveled weekend and hiked up the gas prices? Bastards!

Anyway...what do you all have planned for this glorious weekend?

Talk to me.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Never A Good Sign

When a guy you are dating says to you in a text..."I'm gonna be fair to let you know how I am at times but that's a talk for the phone." it's never a good sign.


Thursday, May 14, 2009

Caught Between a Rock and A Hard Place

I met a boy! Yep, you read that correctly, I met a boy. I'm not as thrilled as that sounded however. He is the one that prompted that previous post over here.

Anyway, we'll call him Mr. Eager. Mr, Eager is a sweet, considerate, attentive, handsome man. The problem you ask? He talks to damn much.

He wants to talk every day, 60 times a day about nothing. When he's not talking to me he is texting me. He can rattle on about nothing for hours and I'm left on the phone wanting to cut my ears off and burn them.

He will ask me a question and before I can even answer he chimes in with something else he just has to tell me.

In addition, he says things like, "tooken" as in "took-in". Who says that? Who does not know that the word is "taken"? Seriously?

If he could just keep his mouth shut we just might have a shot. Is it too much to ask that he never talks? I'm just saying.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Things Women Don't Understand About Men

Men and women have been trying since the beginning of time to figure each other out. Our wants and needs are so different. For example: he wants to go to bar with the guys but she wants to have cuddle time on the sofa. If he does go to the bar then he doesn’t love her. He doesn’t call her after they have sex because he doesn’t want to be perceived as clingy but she thinks he doesn’t like her and will never call again. He wants to sit on the sofa and watch the game on Sunday afternoon but she wants to go out to a movie and don't understand why he can't give up the game just this once.

It can be quite confusing and frustrating to say the least trying to decipher all these mixed messages. There are things that I as a woman just don’t understand about men. Here’s my list of issues I just don’t understand.

1. Why do you need to spit on the ground? That’s nasty and a turn off and it’s crude. Spit in a napkin if necessary.

2. Why do you try to sleep with a woman 1.5 hours after meeting her?

3. Why do you keep calling me wanting to come over my house but we’ve never been on a date. What ever happened to dating guys?

4. We’ve gone on one date and you are already asking me when I am going to spend the night at your house.

5. Why do you guys act really interested in a woman then do an abrupt about face and cease all contact immediately with out any explanation or warning? We’re sitting there wondering what the hell just happened.

6. Why are you with a woman for 8 years and never have any intention on marrying her but you stick with her anyway?

7. Why do you think lying about any sticky situation is the right way to go?

8. Why would you cheat with my sister or best friend just because she offered?

9. Why are you 40 years old and live with your parents and do not own a car?

10. Why would you think calling me after we had sex would make you look clingy or desperate?

11. Why if everything seems great between us you still run for the hills with no explanation?

12. Why if I hadn’t spoken to you in months or years you pull my number out of your ass and text me for no reason?

13. Why do you come back then leave again then come back then leave again the come back….? What is that?

Feel free to add your own quandary in the comments.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Question Of The Day

This question came up because I threw away some pennies at work and a coworker almost had a coronary.

Do you throw away pennies that accumulate?

I throw them out because they are useless to me but it seems I am the only person in the world that throws away pennies.

Monday, May 4, 2009

He's Perfect

Ladies, don't you just love it when you meet what seems to be the perfect guy. He seems to have so much in common with you and your family. He has a similar name and birthday to other members of your family, same profession as many members of your family, seems kind, hardworking, has his own place and car, takes really good care of his kids.

Then he opens his mouth..........