Friday, March 30, 2007

Life Altering Decisions

I have been thinking for quite some time now that I need a change of scenery. I want to move all the way across country to California. I am serious about this. I used to frequent California several years ago and I simply fell in love with it. There is just something electric about California compared to the east coat with the exception of New York. Maybe it’s because there is just a totally completely different mind set out there then on the east coast. They are so much more laid back and less judgmental then those here on the east coast. We tend to be more aggressive, ruder and more uptight.

I am a very free spirited person. I try my best not to judge folks. Hell I say live and let live but if I were to tell my uptight, clinched assed girlfriends about some of the things I’ve done or want to do they would surely look at me a lot differently then they do now. For that reason I tend to keep intensely personal thoughts, feelings and desires to myself. Sometimes I feel as though I am living a lie and not really allowed to be myself. I would love to just be able to be my true self around folks. Even with my current boyfriend I can’t really be myself because I don’t think he could handle it. In fact, I know he can’t.

Maybe if I move out there and start fresh and meet some new people I can finally be able to let go.

Finding a job shouldn’t be hard for me; I’m a nurse and have been for the last 10 years so I’m sure I could find a hospital or doctor’s office to work in. I think fear is preventing me from doing this. I don’t have a place to live out there so finding a job BEFORE I get there will be a bit challenging. I don’t know anyone out there so I would be completely alone and that frightens me as well.

I don’t know, maybe one day I’ll grow the balls necessary to do want I always wanted to do.

Have you ever been afraid to make serious life altering decisions? If so did you go through with it and how did it turn out?

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Strip Show Part Deux

Ok…so to pick up from where I left off with the previous blog; the six of us walk out to our respective cars. My girls “L” and “J” decided they were not ready for the evening to end quite yet so they accompany their two guys to their car. The third guy “B” and I were standing there like “What in the world?????” We felt like third wheels, literally, so we just decided to sit in my car while the others finished “talking”

I was attracted to “B”. There was no doubt in that but I had just met him so of course I was going to be very reserved with him. He started to tell me about his living arrangements, school and career plans. It was nice. We kissed a few times which was really nice.

At one point he tried to take it further then kissing and wanted to seriously screw in my car. Oh no!! I was not having that. I didn’t know him. Sex was so off limits. During our wrestling match in the front seat of my car I would periodically look behind us to keep an eye on the car our friends were in. At one point, I looked behind me to make sure my girls were still there and the car was gone! Of course I was extremely uneasy about the car not being there. “B” said that they were probably in the back of the building so we drove back there and sure enough the car was there. I breathed a sigh of relief. I parked the car where I could see my friends. I noticed that their car started to bounce and shake! What!

I exclaimed, “What in the world is going on in that car!?”

“Don’t worry about what’s going on with them, worry about what’s going on here in THIS car.” “B” said with a hint of frustration in his voice. Right then it became very obvious what was going on. My girls were freaking these two guys and “B” thought I was going to do the same for him. Uuuhhhh, NO Sparky. This was not going to happen.

After I thwarted all of his advances he really didn’t have anything else to say to me so it became pretty awkward in the car. Fortunately, our friends were done and we all returned to our respective cars and drove off.

I saw “B” many, many times after that night but he and I never made a connection. Hmmmm……I wonder why? lol

In another blog, I will tell you about how Gee and I DID hook up. He was the one person that changed my life forever.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

My First Male Strip Show

I mentioned in a previous blog how I used to hang around male and female strippers and the adventures we had. Wooo Hooo! Well let me tell you how I got into that scene in the first place.

Picture this...1986, three twenty something women venture out on the town for a little adult fun. My girl "L" attended a male strip show a few weeks prior and convinced me and my other girl friend "J" to attend the upcoming show. She told us of all the shenanigans that went on and assured us that we would have the time of our lives. Well hell, that was all I need to hear! I was sold. So it was a warm spring evening and my girls and I get dressed to the nines ready for whatever the night had in store for us.

I picked up my girls and drove to this hall where this male strip show was to take place. We made sure prior to arriving that we had the prerequisite dollar bills handy to tip the most scrumptuous of men! Yeah baby!!!

We arrive and walk into the hall and was immediately faced with a pretty huge crowd of women. We spot a free table and make our way across the room to claim our seats.

The lights are a little dim and about 15 mins after our arrival a very scruptuous man take to the stage. Mmmm hmmmmm..... He is the MC for the evening. His name is Gee. Gee was very well spoken, funny and sexy. He introduced dancer after dancer. All of the men were the most delicious specimens I had ever seen in my life! They danced, girated, performed simulated sexual acts that had me so wet I didn't know what to do. We women called the guys over by waving our dollar bills in the air then placing them in very sexy places for the guys to retrieve. Talk about fun.

At some point I needed to go to the ladies room and excused myself from the table. I walk out to the hall and noticed that Gee was standing out there.

"How are you miss lady?" He says.

"Oh I'm fine." I reply.

"You certainly are." He says then walks backwards back into the room while lookg at me the whole time and resumes his place onstage as MC. I was on cloud nine because I had been eyeballing this guy from the very beginning.

Anyway, turns out he is a dancer as well and he later comes out to dance and I was completely mesmerized. That man moved in such a way I didn't know was possible! I had never seen anything like it in my life. Of course I had to tip him. When he came up to me he said how beautiful he thought I was. All I did was say thank you and smile. My girls had their eyes on a couple of other guys of their own.

Well, at the end of the evening we all walked out to the lobby and talked to the dancers. My girls were talking to the guys of their choice and I was talking to Gee. We exchanged phone numbers and I was just floating.

Gee had to leave and the rest of us proceeded to walk out to our car and the guys my girls were talking too walked us out. Apparently there was a third guy that rode to the show with the two guys walking us out. His name was "B". "B" was gorgeous in his own right. Well my girls and their guys went to the GUYS car and "B" and I walked to my car. They wanted to have some "private" time and "B" and I decided to give it to them.

What followed was so surreal to me I still can't believe it.

To be continued in the next blog.

Monday, March 26, 2007

My Almost Boy Toy

Back in the day, in my early 20’s, I had some pretty wild times (Some I MAY blog about here at some point! lol) I’ve also had a few pretty darn good times in my late 30’s as well. Back in the day I used to hang around male and female strippers. We were friends and I would attend their shows and we’d all hang out and so forth. All very fun. I’ll tell you some of those stories at a later time…I promise. lol

One such incident actually happened about 1 year and a half to 2 years ago. A friend of a girlfriend of mine was hosting a bachelorette party for her sister and invited me. Of course she had to have the obligatory male strippers. Anyone that knows me knows I was all about that!!! Hahaha

So the evening arrives and my friends and I are at this woman’s house enjoying the food, the female bonding taking place and of course anxiously anticipating the strippers to get there and begin their show!

There were to be two on tap for the evening which was fine. The first guy arrives and immediately goes upstairs to change into his costume. I, for one, was not impressed with him. We’ll call him Mr. Too Rough. Mr. Too Rough was of average looks and slightly above average dance skills but couple that with the fact he was just too rough was so not my cup of tea. I think dude forgot he was not in a person’s home and NOT in the wide open space of a club because that fool brought a whip and actually used it! Noooooo. That thing kept getting caught on furniture and anything else. He even dripped melted hot candle wax onto his penis! That one freaked me out!

He left then about an hour or 2 later the second victim, I mean guy, came and it was a totally different story with this one. We’ll call him Mr. Just Right. Mr. Just Right was very cute and sexy. YUM YUM! He went upstairs to immediately change into his gear just as the first guy did. We women were acting up something fierce! We kept making excuses to go up and take a peek at him. We tied to bring him drinks, food, checking to make sure he was ok, just any excuse we could come up with to get in that room. LOL

When I went up there Mr. Just Right grabbed me and proceeded to try and get me to talk to him awhile. Of course I was flattered but not too much. I know the kind of pussy these guys get thrown at them daily. I am not the one so I shrugged him off and rejoined the party. When he came down to dance…..Good LAWD!!!! That boy had me going! But of course I was very reserved but participated at the same time.

After Mr. Just Right completes his set, gets dressed and proceeds to leave, he requests, from the hostess, for me to come out onto the porch and talk to him a second. I complied. We sat outside for a few minutes and chatted about getting to know each other. We in fact exchanged phone numbers.

The whole time I was talking to dude I was going over in my head whether or not I could make this guy my “boy toy”. He had no idea how old I was. In fact, he was well over 10 years younger then I so he couldn’t be anything but a boy toy to me.

Well we did in fact speak over the phone a few times and I was really considering violating this kid about 20 different ways until I got “The Call”.

He called me one day and asks to come see me, “Hey Diva, I really want to come see you.”

“Well Mr. Just Right, when were you thinking?”

“I was thinking we can do this today.”

“Well that might be alright Mr. Just Right. Hmmmmmm” All the while I’m thinking, “Maybe I will get a good fuck outta this deal after all.’

“If I do come over there I’m gonna need you to help me out on gas since gas its so expensive.”

WHAT!!! You have the audacity to ask me for gas money? Oh hell no! His window of opportunity has just closed.

“Well, Mr. Just Right, let me think about this a minute. I’ll call you right back.” Needless to say that was the last time I spoke to dude.

Come on now! Hahahaha..

Friday, March 23, 2007

My Perfect Encounter!

Since my last blog post mentioned a not so perfect date, I feel compelled to mention a pretty great experience I had a couple years ago. I refer to it as an experience because at that point, we hadn’t gone on a date per se.

Let me start by saying I began chatting online with this gentleman. He and I chatted back and forth for close to a year, strictly as friends, nothing more. We would laugh and crack jokes constantly. The flow of conversation was simple and effortless. Sure we flirted here and there but nothing to be taken seriously. I lived in Maryland and he lived in North Carolina so our interactions were strictly on the internet during work hours.

Well one day, it became necessary for him to come to MD for a short visit. Wow!! I can not tell you how excited I was that I would finally get to see this guy face to face. We both had seen numerous pictures of one another and I thought he was the sexiest man I had seen in a very long time and I was definitely eager to see him. There was a time when he had to visit Maryland. Upon this knowledge, our flirting became much more serious. He was just as anxious as I was to meet face to face. We had begun speaking on the phone in anticipation of our meeting.

Well, he had a party that he was scheduled to attend and he invited me. I was ecstatic. I went out and purchased just the right outfit for the evening. I was ready. The anticipation was excruciating.

The night finally arrives and I make my way to where this party was to be held. I walk into the room and immediately he is the first person I spotted but before I could acknowledge that an old friend walks up to me and gives me the biggest hug ever and proceeds to start chatting me up about I don’t know what because all I could do was think of my guy and talking to him. Finally, I free myself from my friend and look over and my guy is sitting across from me and we just simply smile at each other. It was the most amazing first meeting. We just looked at each other for a minute then he came over and gave me a huge hug. Mmmmmm…..he felt so good.

We talked off and on for a large part of the night. It was great. Since it was a party he was obligated to dance with a few others that were there so that was bittersweet but I was cool with that.

Later on in the evening I found myself standing across the crowded room, directly across from him. The music was playing and our eyes just locked onto one another. We stood there gazing at each other for what seemed an eternity then he walked across the room, through the crowd toward me. When he reached his destination he grabbed my hand and said, “Come on. You promised me a dance.” then led me to the dance floor. I tell you that was the most romantic moment for me EVER! That was some movie shit right there! lol

We danced for a little while then for some reason I did something that was completely out of character for me. I did not want to let him go. I hated the idea of our evening ending so I invited him back to my place and I was so happy when he accepted my offer.

Later that evening he did show up and we had the most romantic time possible!! Then he left late the next evening to head back to North Carolina. We kept up our “situation” for several months after that. I visited him at his home. It was great but alas, all good things must come to an end and our season had it’s time and run its course.

I still think of him often. He was the most gentle soul I had ever encountered. Any woman that finds him as a husband will be the luckiest woman in the world.

Aaaahhhhh...Mr. Wonderful (NOT)

Undoubtedly when you are single in a major city and reasonably attractive, you are bound to rack up a certain number of dates in your quest to find Mr. or Ms. Right.. With that said you will have good dates and bad dates. Some funny and some pretty pathetic.

I have never really had a particularly bad date but I have been on dates where I knew this was going no where!

Once, I went on a date with this guy I met online. In chatting with him he seemed to be a pretty decent guy.

Well we set up the date. Mind you, we exchanged pictures so we knew what the other looked like. Or so I thought. We decided to meet at a very large mall in the area so that we can eat a really nice Italian dinner at Remomo’s then scoot over to Dave and Buster’s for some game fun. All in all a very nice evening planned out.

Well, when I walk into the restaurant the guy looked nothing like his picture. STIKE ONE. His pictures looked 10 times better then he did. ‘Ok, I’m here now so we’ll make the best of it’ is what was running through my mind. Conversation was average and forced at times at best. It was clear we had nothing in common.

We finish our meal then proceeded to Dave and Buster’s to play some games and have fun. There was absolutely no chemistry at all. Even though I had a decent time, I couldn’t wait to get this date over with. As the night wound down, we walk out to our respective cars. I parked a lot further away then he did so he offered to drive me to my car as it was dark and I shouldn’t walk that far alone to my car. I agreed and followed him to his car. Can you believe this dude never opened the car door for me???!!!! STRIKE TWO!! He got in the car then reached over and opened the door from the inside for me! Oh no!!! That is a deal breaker for me. If you can’t even be gentleman enough to open the door for me then I don’t want to be bothered with you. Needless to say I never spoke to him again.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Don't Bother Me While I am Eating!!!!

Ok, here is my rant for the day. I absolutely HATE when I am at lunch and someone comes to me, INTERRUPTING my eating, and begins to ask me work related questions. UGH!!! That is so very rude. I would NEVER come up to anyone while they are at lunch and commence to talk about work.

That crap needs to wait until AFTER I am finished eating and have returned back from lunch.

Retard all that enthusiasm Sparky for about 60 minutes why don’t cha? My lunch break is my time and I take that very seriously.

If you come up to me at lunch and say something like “Hey Diva, one of your files has just dropped and we need you to resend it.” You are likely to hear, “I will drop your ass if you don’t leave me the hell alone.”

So word to the wise, if you want to keep peace in the workplace, make sure the person you are chatting up is not stuffing a big fat, greasy burger in their face first…okay?

I am sick of boring people!

Look...if you are boring......STAY AWAY FROM ME! Case closed.

I like fun and excitement. I like crowds, adventure, music, people, dancing, food....LIFE and all it has to offer.

If all you want to do is sit around and bitch and complain, then find someone else. If all you want to do is go to your unfullfilling, dead end job and then come home and repeat the cycle agin tomorrow, find someone else to call. I am not the one.

If all you have to offer are "whoa is me" stories everytime we talk on the phone, then please don't call me.

I am not old and I refuse to live my life as an old person.

So I will say it again, if you a boring and don't like to experience life then leave me alone and don't call me. I'll be too busy going to a play or concert or traveling.

Venus and Mars Meet

It has become quite apparent that men and women view relationships differently. Men are task oriented therefore if they DO things they feel show us love then we should be cool with that. Right? WRONG.

We women are emotional creatures. We thrive on affection and the emotion involved in loving someone.

Men it's not enough to SAY you love us and think washing our car to show us you do. We need you to look into our eyes and tell us you love us while stroking our face and hair. We need an occassional hug as you walk by for no reason other than you just can't keep your hands off of us. We need you to cuddle with us and feed us popcorn while watching a movie on TV.

I guarantee you guys that if you give us what we need, we'll magnify it and give it back to you ten fold. That includes the good and the bad. If you love us, our love for you will overhelm you, if you make us unhappy we will make you miserable. That is the way life is and there is nothing going to change that.

Men, if you want a great home life, listen to what your woman says and give her what she wants.

Trust me, you will get it back ten fold.

Happy loving people.

Friday, March 16, 2007

I've come to realize something about myself

In doing some self analysis I've come to realize that I am not a very easy person to REALLY get to know.

Sure I have friends but in really evaluating the depth of those relationships I find that there is not one of my friends that I am close to. I don't feel comfortable enough to tell my deep dark secrets to any of them.

I find it's pretty sad to go through your entire life and still always feel on guard when it comes to your friends.

Upon further examination, I realize that much of my inability to get close to people and open up is directly tied to my child hood.

My parents were not the most affectionate people on the planet. It was rare that we saw any close, intimate interaction between them. Oh sure there were a few occasions when they were affectionate but that was so far and few in between it really had no impact.

They were never affectionate with us kids. I don't remember my mother ever hugging me. I remember my father hugging me once and I remember sitting on his lap once. That was when I was a teenager and I had just planned a surprise anniversary party for my parents. I remember feeling very strange sitting on my father's lap. Funny huh?

My parents never shared any really personal information with me. We never talked on any meaningful level.

I know for a fact that this shaped the person that I am today.

Funny how your childhood always dictates your future.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

We are getting a bum wrap!

I am really sick and tired of hearing how terrible and backwards and crime ridden Baltimore, MD is. I have had it!

Let me school you all on Baltimore real quick.

First of all, don’t believe all of what you see on The Wire and The Corner. That is not the totality of Baltimore. It is merely one aspect that is shared by many, many large cities in this country. We are no different.

Yes we have crime. Yes we have ghettos. Yes we have projects. But so does New York, Boston, Chicago, LA, and many other cities. Again, we are no different.

Folks actually believe all the hype they see on these afore mentioned TV shows and get things twisted.

Baltimore has its faults just like everyone else but is no different then you are. Trust me on this. Our lives, thoughts, feelings, actions and environment is just like yours.

We have Museums, Clubs, restaurants, theaters, colleges, lakes, parks, and golf courses just as you do in any other city.

Before you begin to judge Baltimore, spend some time here. I guarantee that you if come here with an open mind you will surely be pleasantly surprised and entertained.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Youth is defintely wasted on the young!

I must say that the old saying "Youth is wasted on the young" meant nothing to me until I became an "older woman". When the hell did I get old enough for these young pissant 20 somethings to start calling me...."maam"!!?? UGH!

On top of everything that comes with aging the young pissants think the world revolves around them. Yeah right. If you are not 29 or younger then you are OLD and thereby deemed useless and irreleveant.

This couldn't be further from the truth.

My little young friends, one day, you too will be 40 and looking at the world a whole lot differently then you do now.

I am alot more aware of who I am now. What I want and don't want. Things are a lot clearer now then in my 20's. Let's face it, my generation is still running things so I think we still have some relevence in this world.

I still strugggle with male/female relationship issues but hey, we all can't be perfect now can we?

So the next time you younguns start thinking an older person has nothing to offer and is disposable, please remember, that will be you in 20 years.