Whew! Hello my bloghearts. It's time for a post. I swear I really will get better about posting regularly. I promise. Anyway, another year has gone by, meaning my birthday was Friday. It went by uneventfully. I moved last week so I was consumed with moving and getting settled. The move went well except the movers scratched a few items which pissed me off but they broke a wheel off of my coffee table. I am currently in the process of ordering another set of wheels and it is really pissing me off but whatever.

I love the new area. It's very busy here but I like that. I am surrounded by restaurants! OMG! For a foodie like me I see nothing but trouble in my future. I was sitting on my living room sofa and started feigning for some cheesecake so I went to Cheesecake Factory and bought a Red Velvet Cake cheesecake and brought it home. OMG! That was the best cheesecake I have ever had in my life!! It took my three days to eat the damn thing because it is such a large piece. YUM! Yeah, I foresee alot of trouble in my future.

In other news, I have made some decisions and set some new goals regarding my life and its direction and can I tell you that I am so very excited about the new direction I am going in. It's too early to disclose my plans and goals just yet but trust me when it's time I will fill you all in.

Getting back to my new living area, I am near a super Target. What's really great about this super Target is that they sell Martin's potato bread. Have you ever eaten Martin's patato bread? I don't think you understand, in my old apartment, I had to drive to two different grocery stores to buy Martin's and now that it is so close to my home now I am over the moon!!! That is the only bread I can eat and you never know how important a certain bread is until you can no longer find it. All in all life is wonderful right now.

I will do my best to post twice this week with updates.

OK, so I finally broke down. I resisted for far too long and just realized life would be better if I just gave in.

Give in to what you ask? This getting old shit! This getting old crap sucks and there is nothing I can do about it. I was at a restaurant with a group of people and I was having trouble reading the menu and the check when it came. When I have my contacts in I can see great except when it comes to reading. I look like an 80 year old woman trying to read. It's pathetic. One of the people that was at dinner handed me her reading glasses and suggested I try them. I put those things on and Viole! I could read! It was amazing! I was actually able to read the check. Unbelievable.

You know what I did? The very next day I went out and bought my very own pair of reading glasses and they are amazing! I even bought a cute clear pink case for them.

So now I am one of these old people that you see that stretches out their arms trying to read a menu then whips out a pair of glasses from her purse and puts them on. Oh God, its official, I'm old.

I spent the last two weeks in Baltimore, minus the weekend, and I am finally home for good and I can't tell you how glad I am to finally sleep in my own bed tonight!

I was seated next to two young girls on the plane that were about 16 or 17. They were so cute. They felt the need to tell me that they just left New York and DC. This was their first time on a plane. They kept asking me questions about what to expect. "Can we use our phones?" "Can we use our iPods?" "Are we starting to go down now?" They were too cute.

They are from a very small town in Georgia with a population of 2000 and NY and DC was just a bit too much for them and they were glad to be getting back to their simple, small town lives.

The cute meter went off the charts when the one sitting next to me stated that she couldn't wait to get home to see her father. He just got home after spending a year in Afghanistan. She only spent 1 day with him before she had to go out of town. Aaaawwwww.

In stark contrast, there was this little kid seated behind me that kept kicking my chair. I wanted to pop him upside his head. Don't get it twisted, I will fight a kid.

I have never watched Celebrity Apprentice before. It just seemed boring to me so I never watched, until this season. With the drama between Star Jones and Nene Leaks you know I had to watch to see how it all went down.

The thing I like about Celebrity Apprentice is that everything happens in one night. The competition and the elimination all happen in one night. There is no watching the competition one night then tuning in the next night to see who gets booted. No, its all done in one night and you know what? I love it!!! I love having everything finished in one night.

I love American Idol and Dancing With The Stars but this whole thing with watching the competition one night then tuning in the next night to see who gets offed is a pain in the ass. It's not a good use of my time. So now I'm taking four days to watch two shows. That's not right.

There is no reason AI and DWTS can't have the competition then have the judges off someone that night. Come on people! I have other shows to watch. It's called time management here.

I think I am going to start a petition to have AI and DWTS handle their business on one night. No more of this results night crap.

I was watching a TV news program this morning and they were discussing the virtues of who make better bosses men or women. As you can imagine, half the panel thought women made better bosses and the other half of the panel felt men were the better bosses.

It got me to thinking; who were my favorite bosses over the years? I perused my mental Rolodex of all the bosses I have had and one by one it became clear to me. I have had horrible male bosses and horrible female bosses but by far and large the best managers I have ever had the pleasure of working with have been women. That whole "women can be moody bitches" stereotype simple didn't exist. For whatever reason, my female bosses have all been decisive, commanding, smart and compassionate all at the same time. Most of the male bosses I had were OK but we simply didn't connect for whatever reason, with the exception of one.

So, my friends, if you have never had a woman boss you have really missed out. If you currently have a male boss tell him that this situation doesn't work for you anymore and you no longer want to report to him and must switch bosses immediately. Who do you think make better bosses, men or women?

I know, I know....I haven't posted in AWHILE. Sorry about that folks. I've been trying to get situated and find a groove. So here is a little update. I promise to be more consistant.

I am really liking it here in GA although within the first 20 days I was here I got sick twice. Yep, twice. Not fun. I guess my body has to get used to the GA environment.

Another thing I have to get used to is liquor. In Baltimore our grocery stores do not have alcohol in them. None of them. You actually have to go to a liquor store to buy alcohol. Not here. No matter where you go you see alcohol. Grocery store, alcohol, Rite Aid, alcohol, CVS, alcohol. Alcohol everywhere! I even saw a drive thru liquor store. I shit you not. I was driving down a street and saw cars going through a drive thru. I first thought it was a car wash and got all geeked because I have YET to find a car wash. Do people in GA wash their cars? I mean geesh! But I digress. Upon closer inspection I realized it was a drive thru liquor store. People every time I think I've seen it all something else happens and blows it out of the water. Wow.

Another thing I have to get used to is the damn police everywhere. They are like cock roaches. No matter where you go cops are pulling someone over. In my first two weeks here I got my first speeding ticket. I mean seriously! Driving the speed limit is painful. I'm not sure I can do this. Welcome to GA.

I'm not in Kansas anymore.

OK, so I had my moving sale this past weekend. It went very well actually and I am just glad it's over. People made out like a bandit with my stuff. I was practically giving it away. It's fine though, I couldn't use it anymore.

It's weird though, I felt some kinda way about seeing my stuff float out of my house. There is something about that whole experience that just didn't feel right.

People were like scavengers. It was weird to see. This one woman came in and bought things I hadn't expected anyone to take. In my guest bathroom upstairs this woman took the decorator towels I had hanging up. They were cute but I just wasn't expecting anyone to want them. I had a small basket on the sink counter in the bathroom with things guests would need if they forgot to bring them like toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, lotion, shampoo, all kinds of stuff and she took that. She even took the dirty rug I had laying by the door for people to wipe their feet on when they came in. I REALLY wasn't expecting that one.

It's all good. I feel really at peace right now so that's a good thing. It's weird, I was thinking about my nieces yesterday and realized I was going to miss them like crazy. Would it be wrong for me to kidnap them and drag them to Atlanta with me?

OK, off to visit your blogs.

Ok folks. I finally figured out why I don't have a man.

I was in the employee break room yesterday morning getting coffee so that I could curb my hunger until lunch time when I noticed my crush was already in there. It seems that every morning I go in there he is there. Anyway, I give him a very nonchalant, "Morning". Very cool. Never give 'em too much.

I was dumping my 15th package of sugar in my mug when I turned around to deposit it into the trash can then IT happened. I tripped over my feet!! There was nothing on the ground! I stumbled on nothing! I did what any self respecting clutz would do, I looked down to see what I may have tripped over. Smooth.

Yeah people, I'm smooth.

OK. So in talking to a coworker yesterday it prompted a memory of a date I had several months ago that I forgot to you all about. That in itself is unusual as I tell you guys everything. I think I just blocked it out as a survival mechanism.

It all started one fateful Saturday afternoon in the grocery store. I was perusing the frozen dinner section as that is all I ever have in my house since you all know I do not cook. Remember this little gem? Yeah.

So I was minding my own business when this guy walks up to me and "accidentally" bumps my cart. He apologizes and all and I was like "No problem, it's cool." He then makes small flirtatious conversation then hit me with the big question, "You want to hang out sometime?" I checked my mental date book and realized it had cobwebs so I said yes and gave him my number. He called the next day and asked to go to dinner on Monday evening. I agreed and the deed was done. I had a date for Monday evening. I wasn't excited or nervous or anything. I was just....just... blah. I've been on way too many dates that have gone nowhere to get all wigged out on this.

Monday comes and I meet him at the appointed restaurant. He leans in for a hug and I got a whiff of the most horrific cologne known to man. Funny. He wasn't wearing that when I first met him. I held my nose and sat down at our table.

We made small talk, all very superficial when he jumps up and says very loudly, "I'll be right back, I have to go take a leak." The people at the table across from us turned their heads toward us, glanced at me then turned away. Ooookkkaaaayyyy.

He returns to the table, the food arrives and he grabs the fork as if it was a miniature shovel and begins shoveling the food into his mouth. Dude, spend time in prison much? He then tries to hold a conversation with said food in his mouth visible for all creation to see.

Yeah, he'll score another date. With gems like him, why am I still single?

You will never guess what I experienced this weekend. Come on, I bet you can't guess. Ok, Ok, I'll tell ya, an earthquake! I experienced my very first earthquake! That's right bitches!!!

Those of you living in California are probally all "So whatevs Tee." and to that I'd probably have to agree if it wasn't for the fact I live in MARYLAND people! We don't get earthquakes here!

I was laying in my bed all snugly and what not in a sleep induced haze when all of a sudden the damn wall started rattling. I was all "WTF! What the hell are those loud ass neighbors doing NOW!" I just chalked it up to those noisy folks next door and drifted back to sleep. I ventured out of bed a couple hours later, turned on my TV and sat in front of my computer and that's when the news hit me! A 3.6 earthquake struck Maryland. Maryland people!! I don't think you fully grasp the gravity of the situation. If Maryland can get and earthquake then none of you are safe. I would suggest you all get earthquake insurance and stock pile canned goods and water now. Don't forget first aid kits too. Can never be too sure.

Pretty cool Saturday if I say so myself though.

I survived my first earthquake! Can someone make me a badge I can display on my website please and thank you. Do they sell earthquake insurance in Maryland?

Several years ago when I was young, I went to this hot club that used to be in Baltimore but has long since met it's demise. It was a fun might with me and my girls.

I met this guy there. There was nothing about him that stood out. He was just an ordinary dude and that was fine. We exchanged phone numbers and talked on the phone a few times. He then decided to ask me out. I agreed thinking we'd have an enjoyable evening eating and going to a movie. The date ended up being OK. Nothing to write home about.

A couple of weeks roll by and we speak a few times on the phone but never managed to get another date together which was fine by me. Then all of a sudden he called me with the craziest request I still can't believe he asked me.

He called and started explaining how he had lost his job and was having difficulty where he was living and he needed to leave. I'm thinking to myself how unfortunate. You poor thing. I truly hope it all works out for you. After nothing more then an "I'm sorry" from me he then asks me if he could move in with me for a little while. Dude, did I just hear you right? You asked to move into my place and I've only seen you twice in my whole life? Are you kidding me? I don't even know your last name yet.

As nice as I could I simply said, " Uh, dude, I feel for your situation and all but this is a queendom in here and that's how it's going to stay."

Needless to say I never heard from him again. I wonder if he's still on the streets? Hmmmmm.....

Hey guys. Sorry I've been MIA lately. Been kinda crazy around these parts. Well Sunday was Mothers Day as we all know. Clueless' friend Officer S decided to have a cook out at her house and invited me. I thought "what the heck" and went to the cook out. My initial plans for the day were to just hold up at the house and stay put to avoid anything mother day-ee. ( I know that's not a word but work with me! lol)


There were a few people there when I arrived. I sat in the kitchen with Clueless and chatted away with her and Officer S's family that was also there. It was all pretty pleasant at first.


I was introduced to both of Officer S's brothers. Immediately I could tell that one of them took a liking to me. Every time I looked in his direction he was staring at me. When I wasn't looking at him I could feel his eye on me. He was kinda cute but not my type. Plus Officer S and I hang out every once in a awhile. It would be weird as hell to be out with her and have her know that I was boning her brother. Uuuhh....no. Too weird for me.

As I was saying my good bye's so that I could leave he made his move. He handed me a business card and told me to call him. I placed that card on my dresser and there it lays.

Is it weird to date an associates sibling? Am I the only one that would think it weird to hang with her knowing I'm dating her brother and she'd probably be privy to some personal stuff I wouldn't want her to know? Hmmmm...

On another subject, I got my hair done this past weekend. My hair is thinning so I decided to give it a rest for the first time ever and get some hair extensions sewn onto my head. It's weird because I never did this before but I must tell you I love it.

What's even weirder is that NOT ONE person suspected I was wearing hair extensions. No one mentioned my hair was different or asked what I did to my hair or anything. No one! I thought for sure people at work would realize I had extra hair. LOL I don't know what to think.

All I know is my weavologist is awesome!!!!!!

One Day I was talking to my girl Crazy on the phone and it went a little something like this:

Crazy: "Hey Tee, I want to move my computer up from the basement so I can use it. Can I do that?"

Me: "Uh, sure, you can put the computer wherever you want it just as long as there is a phone line nearby."

Crazy: "Why do I need a phone line?"

Me: "You are still using dialup for internet access so you need a phone line."

Crazy: "Aaaawww man! But what if I don't have a phone line in the same room?"

I give up.

Please don't forget to visit my other blog, http://www.lifestyleofacitygirl.com/

OK, so last weekend Crazy and Clueless and I decide to go out since we hadn't been out in ages. I was game, hell I needed a girls night out. Then they told me where they wanted to go and the shit went down hill from there.

There is this "club" and I use that term loosely, here in Baltimore where nothing but old people flock to. I will not disclose the name of said club as I don't want a bunch of senior citizens wagging their canes at me as I walk down the street.

Don't get me wrong, I love old people. Hell, I'm an "older" person and one butt cheek away from a rocking chair myself. I have been "crunchy and achy" since I hit middle age but I don't want to party with people 25 plus years older then me.

I knew this evening could not go well.

As soon as we walk into the "club" 2 guys were coming out at the same time and one of them, who obviously had one too many glasses of Manischewitz spun his head around and looked at our group and said, "Whoa! Sexy meat coming in!" Seriously grandpa?

We make it in and find a table and proceed to sit there and talk amongst ourselves. A song comes on and we get up to dance and this guy that looked like he has been collecting social security for the better part of 20 years gets in front of me and starts to move around. I THINK it was dancing but I can't be sure.

I thanked him and sat my ass down quickly. I just can't.

I noticed that there was a kitchen in the back that looked like it was open. I was starving so I decided to check it out. They only served chicken wings, french fries and hot dogs. I kid you not. So I ordered my 5 wings, took them to my table and sat my ass there for the rest of the evening.

Why do I even bother?

Wow! It's been a whole 7 days since I last posted to this blog. If you have been keeping up with the news you know that things here have been a little crazy with 4 feet of snow. I've been digging out since last weekend. Craziness.

My body is so sore it is unreal. I've used muscles I didn't even know existed. I was not built for all this shoveling snow crap. Do you know there is not a shovel or snow blower to be found here in Maryland. None! Go ahead...try to find one. I'll wait. Told ya. Every place has sold out and it's bananas. I had to shovel my way out with a gardening shovel people! A GARDENING shovel. Craziness.

Hopefully we are done with all this because I can't take much more.

Today I was able to get back to a normal schedule for once. Not sure how I feel about that actually. I kinda liked being snowed in with nowhere to go and plenty of food to eat. I was all good.

It is going to take months for all this snow to melt. If I never see another snow flake in my life it will be too soon.

Mother nature can bite me!

One of my blogging favs, Martini's or Diaper Genies did a post that reminded me of an experience I had so of course I had to share with you all. You lucky devils you.

So, a few years ago I got the totally awesome idea of trying to get healthier and drop a few pounds so I decided to join a gym. Oh, it was great in the beginning. They enticed me with a personal trainer and my choice of fitness classes. I was in heaven. I was going to be a stunner if it was going to kill me.

After a couple months the shininess of the gym experience kinda got lost somewhere. My time with the personal trainer had run out. I got bored with running to the gym almost every night after work by myself. After 2 months my body should have been all that by then, right? I can’t motivate myself to do stuff like this. I need someone there to kick my ass into gear. I was dating The Analyst back then and he tried to motivate me but that was a bust when my buddy passes ran out and he could no longer go with me to the gym…for free.

So I decided to take one of the classes they offer. Oh yeah! I found my mojo again.

I got to the gym promptly at 6:3o pm, the appointed start time. The class was called Body Pump and I was ready to pump my body into shape for the next hour. Shucks, I walk up stairs when given the opportunity and I’ve always fancied myself as a pretty good dancer so this class should be a piece of cake.

All of a sudden the instructor stands in front of the class and introduces herself and welcomes us to her class. She is a little bitty thing with a huge helping of energy. ‘Ok, this should be fun’ I thought to myself. The instructor walks over to the little stereo on her right and presses a button and the music starts blaring throughout the room. Aaaah, yes! This is what I need.

“Ok, Let’s reach……reach…reach….!” “Kick to the left four times then switch to the right and kick four times then repeat 100 times!”

Huh? What? This torture went on for about 7 minutes and I had finally had enough. I was about to call it quits when as she was making her perky ass around the room she stops in front of me and challenges me! “Come on! You can do it! Reach! Now kick! Good…Good!! Now punch six times!! Come on, you can do it! Go go!!!

All I kept thinking about as she was in my face was how much I wanted to punch HER. I was all like ‘Woman, don’t you see me sweating and panting and holding my side and chest in agony and you want me to GO GO!!?’ I said that to myself of course but I was one GO Go away from smacking her energetic ass.

I couldn’t let her see me give up so I pressed on. I was all ‘You are not going to defeat me!’

After about 10 more minutes I said ‘to hell with it’ and skulked out of the class holding my side, walked to my car and drove away never to return.

Who needs to be fit anyway?

We have all at some point gone out on a night on the town with our besties. A night of dancing, eating perhaps and drinking and God knows what else. There were laughs and memories created that last a lifetime. I love hanging out with my friends and wish I had the opportunity to do it more often. I really need a new group of friends but I digress…where was I? Oh yeah.

Anyway, on one such night several years ago my bestie at the time and I decided to venture out to a hot spot in DC. Trying to park in DC is hell but once we finally did locate a parking spot we walked into the club to find it was packed, wall to wall people everywhere. No problem, I can adapt.

This club was dark, smoky and had laser lights streaming from the ceiling. It had 3 floors so of course we had to check out the happenings on each and every floor. One of the floors had some hard hitting bass and fast paced rhythmic music playing so I was all too ready to get on the dance floor and shake my butt around for awhile.

This one young man (and I used the term loosely) asked me to dance. I guess witnessing my fist pumps, head bobs and stomps gave him the sense that I needed to get to that dance floor immediately so I grabbed his extended hand and he led me to the floor. We twisted and dipped and slid all over the floor. It was a lot of fun. Then all of a sudden BAM! A slow song comes on. If any one knows me they would know that unless you are my man I don’t dance to a slow song but against my better judgment I decided to go ahead and dance with this guy. Things were fine for a while then all of a sudden I could feel his hips moving a little more then they were initially. Next I could feel something poking out at me from his pants and he kept trying to rub it against me! I jumped back to put some distance between us because obviously dude was getting a little too into the dance. Every time I would step away from him he would step up closer. I was like “Dude, if you don’t back that thing away from me we are going to have a situation on our hands.”

He backed up then when the song was over I ran away from that dance floor as fast as I could.

I thought grown ass men were able to control their hard on’s. Men, just as an FYI, that’s just nasty.

Awhile ago I was in a festive mood and decided to throw a little shindig at my abode and invite some friends over to partake. I have no idea what got into me but you can bet your sweet patooty that has never happened again. Anyway, I was feeling extra warm and fuzzy and took it upon myself to cook all of the food for this gathering myself as opposed to having guests bring a dish. I'm thoughtful that way.

So one by one all of my guests arrive and things are going along swimmingly. There is food, music, games and stories. Nice time was being had by all.

As the evening progressed I found myself in the kitchen talking to a few guests. One young lady who was a friend of a friend that was invited said to me, " I was a little worried about the food."

I gave her a sideways glance and asked, "Huh?" Clearly the only appropriate response to such a statement.

She goes on to further say, "You just don't look like someone that could cook." What the hell?

I mean seriously......

I just received this in an email and you know me...I HAD to share. I'm a giver you know.

BTW- The top 10 sexiest women list is coming out in an hour!


1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. 'Who made the potato salad? Is there egg in there? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind of pie is that? Who made it?

Ask one question and I will punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your front teeth so you won't be able to eat anything.


2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit your ass down until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be independent. Nibble on some damn pecans and walnuts to hold you over until someone makes you a plate.


3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little asses to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not gonna tear my damn house up this year. Tell them that they are not allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butch to start telling family stories about their mommas and papas. If they come upstairs for any reason except if they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot off in their asses!


4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year old daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. Save that talk for somebody who gives a damn. The time limit for the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for approximately 20 minutes.


5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If you don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy ass home next year!


6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a plate in my good Tupperware knowing damn well that I will never see it again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything over, don't let me catch you making a plate period or there will be a misunderstanding.


7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!


8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house. This is not a DAYCARE CENTER ! There will be a kid-parent roll call every ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll call, your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her. After 24 hours, I will call DHS on your ignorant ass!!


9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take your ass home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY WILL GET THE HELL OUT AT 11:00 PM. You will have a 15 minute warning bell.


10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner! You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy ass family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD are now being accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS YET!

OK, I am not a football fan. I don't watch it. I don't follow it. I can't tell you what a first or second down is. Hell, what is a down anyway?

With all that said I will vehemently defend and stand by my Baltimore Ravens. Those are my boys!!!

I don't tell people this but as much as I support my Ravens I have no idea who the players are on the team except for Ray Lewis. You would have to be a recluse in a nunnery to not know who Ray is. I've heard of a guy named Joe Flacco too but I have no idea what he does or anything like that. I didn't even know what dude looked like .......until tonight!

I just saw a commercial, for what I have no idea, with Joe Flacco in it. Holy Cow!!! Why didn't anybody tell me about this guy? Have you seen him?


He's some kinda tasty! I think from now on on Sunday and Monday night when the Ravens are playing I'll just have to find myself sitting in front of the TV watching my man Flacco! Hey Joe, if you are reading this, call me sometime OK?

How much do you think season tickets are?