I've come to realize something about myself

In doing some self analysis I've come to realize that I am not a very easy person to REALLY get to know.

Sure I have friends but in really evaluating the depth of those relationships I find that there is not one of my friends that I am close to. I don't feel comfortable enough to tell my deep dark secrets to any of them.

I find it's pretty sad to go through your entire life and still always feel on guard when it comes to your friends.

Upon further examination, I realize that much of my inability to get close to people and open up is directly tied to my child hood.

My parents were not the most affectionate people on the planet. It was rare that we saw any close, intimate interaction between them. Oh sure there were a few occasions when they were affectionate but that was so far and few in between it really had no impact.

They were never affectionate with us kids. I don't remember my mother ever hugging me. I remember my father hugging me once and I remember sitting on his lap once. That was when I was a teenager and I had just planned a surprise anniversary party for my parents. I remember feeling very strange sitting on my father's lap. Funny huh?

My parents never shared any really personal information with me. We never talked on any meaningful level.

I know for a fact that this shaped the person that I am today.

Funny how your childhood always dictates your future.