I have been doing some real soul searching as of late. Taking a real inventory of my life and the choices I've made.

Reading Karen's blog, I was prompted to go ahead and post this. As I said before, I have been pondering this for awhile, going back and forth on whether or not I should post it then after reading Karen's blog I decided to say "Screw it!" and post.

I have had a really good life. I have been blessed beyond belief. I have had two married parents my entire life that took a real interest in my life. Often times much to my dismay. LOL Although they weren't the deepest or most affectionate of people I always knew they loved me. I'm sure growing up that way has made me leary of getting into deep, relationships with people. There are times I want to get closer to people but something just holds me back. It's like I am unable to give more of myself then I do and don't know how to change that. Weird I know.

Don't get me wrong, I have a few really good friends that I love dearly but still I feel that something is missing in those relationships. I never wanted for anything growing up. Whatever I needed and wanted my parents provided. Even to this day, although I am not rich I am blessed in that if there is something (within reason) I want I can have.

I also thought about things that I am passionate about. Am I passionate about anything? I really don't know. There are organizations I have thought about getting involved in. Projects I wanted to start but for some reason I either am not motivated to get started or I lose interest mid way through so consequently I have all these ideas and projects that I started but never completed.

It led me to ask myself this question, 'Has there been ANYTHING that I have seen to completion?' The more I thought on it the more I realized, I have not completed anything I started and that is a pretty sad commentary.

It further led me to wonder why is it that I can't seem to take hold of a project and see it to completion. I mean sure, at work I start and complete projects all day long because I have to but if my feet aren't held to the fire, why can't I see things through....stay focused?

It got me to thinking that maybe I'm borderline ADD.

Hmmmmm....is anyone else like this? Starts things or has ideas but lack the motivation or focus to see it through? Or is it just me?

Ok, so The Analyst has a friend that invited him to visit his church. The Analyst asks if I want to accompany him. I decide to go as I have been very disillusioned with my own church as of late because of some infidelity issues on the part of my paster but that is another blog. *AHEM*

Anyway, while upstairs I reach for my bible and bound the stairs and grab my keys ready to head out the door. This has been my routine for years now when going to church. I keep my bible in my nightstand and grab it when I go to church. I've had the same bible for about 10 years.

So we hop in the car and make our way to the church. As we pull up to the building we realize it's in a pretty seedy area of town and I am not at all that comfortable leaving my car nor is The Analyst. We look at each other, look at the church, look at each other once more, take a deep swallow then head in.

As is my normal routine, I place my bible and purse on the chair next to me (when its vacant). The Analyst spots his friend who then motions for us to move over to where he is seated.

I look to my left and reach for my purse but I see there is no bible. I look around and to my surprise ...no bible.

I then begin to question myself, "Did I even bring the bible into the building?" I could have sworn I had it in my hand. Well, I surely must have left it in my car. No problem. Oh well.

We make it through the service and afterward say our goodbyes. We walk out to the car and I slide into the drivers seat, shut the door, look down between the seats and to my surprise...NO BIBLE.

Ok, where the hell did my bible go people? There was a guy sitting next to the seat where my purse and bible were. Hmmmmm.....

In all the 10 years, I have never had that or any bible come up missing. I'll ask again, where the hell is my bible people?

Needless to say I will never visit that church again.

It was a bright, sunny day and I needed to go to the local mall to do a little shopping. At the time I drove a little black Ford Escort. Oh yeah, I was big time.

I arrive, park the car and proceed into the mall. About 2 ½ hours later I emerge with a pep in my step and bags in hand. I retrieve my keys from my purse and insert it into the lock and open my car door. I slide into the drivers seat and shut the door and as soon as the door shut it happened.

A strange uneasiness came over me suddenly. I began to look around the car to try and figure out what was wrong. I didn’t remember my car being this clean. Damn I’m good! I look on the passenger side seat and there it was. A white bowl shaped glass ceiling light bulb cover. Oh oh! This did not go on any of my lights on any of my ceilings. Oh hell!! This is not my car!!

I jumped out of the car so fast I stumbled and almost fell and broke my neck. I immediately looked around to see if anyone noticed I was sitting in the wrong car. Image you come out to your car and some random stranger is sitting in it. How the hell would you react? Talk about embarrassing.

My car was only 3 cars down from this one. Who the hell told this person with the exact same car as mine to park in the same aisle as I did?

I jumped in my car and sped off as fast as I could.

Men, during sex, would you like it if your woman called you "Daddy"during the act? How does that make you feel?

I was reading an article on talking dirty during sex that another blogger posted on her page (She's a real freak but that's beside the point. lol) and it mentioned calling your man "Daddy".

I've never called any of my boyfriends "Daddy". It just never occured to me. It just seemed wierd to me that I would yell out "Oh Daddy!" during sex. I've also wondered if men felt wierd sexing up some chick that's calling him "Daddy".

I know for some its a turn on but I want to know how the majority of the men feel about this. Do you like some woman whispering "Oh yeah Daddy" in your ear during sex?

Women, have you had men that actually got off on you calling him "Daddy"?

Inquiring minds want to know.

I know you guys have heard this question or even answered this question a million times but I would still like to know your thoughts. What do you consider cheating?

Does holding an intimate conversation on the phone with someone cheating?

Is simply going to lunch or dinner with someone cheating?

Is kissing cheating?

Is holding hands cheating?

I want to get your take on this. Are there degrees to cheating and is one thing more forgivable then the other?

Also, how likely are you to forgive your cheating significant other? Me personally, if you cheat...we are done. There are no second chances with me in regards to this.

I think going out with some one is cheating. Definitely kissing is cheating.

What are your thoughts folks. Talk to me.

Poker Girl In Vegas tagged me. I think I was tagged about a month ago but forgot by whom. Sorry if I forgot to do your meme. It was not intentional. If you are the one I forgot just remind me and I'll get right to it. lol

So here is what I'm supposed to do. I must list 5 things you probaly don't know about me. Ohhhhh, there are so many, where do I begin.

Hmmmmm...

5. I can be pretty judgemental. Lord knows I try not to be but dammit if you are a hot mess I am going to comment. I have no choice really.

4. I hate confrontation. Its true. I try to avoid confrontation if at all possible but if I can't.....WWWHHHHHOOOOO boy! That's all I can say.

3. My parents were the most unaffectionate people in the world. I don't remember my parents EVER telling me "I love you". I don't think I have ever heard them utter those words. EVER.

2. I have serious road rage. Its controlled but dammit it's there.

1. I seriously want to have plastic surgery. I want lypo of my chin and abdomin. I want butt and hip implants because I have no butt and hips.

Let's see....I must tag 5 people. I'll tag:

Sizzle
LisaQ
Mom's my name, don't wear it out
SSC
CeCe

Have fun!

Ok, a few years ago I used to work as a technical trainer for this software training company. We were doing so well that we needed to add an additional trainer to our staff. They hired this woman that was actually really nice. We'll call her Bea. As time went on Bea and I became really good friends. I liked her alot.

Well, as fate would have it, I decided it was time to move on to bigger and better things so I gave my two week notice that I was leaving. My boss and co workers decided on my last day to take me out to dinner to celebrate my new job and to wish me well. I thought it was a very sweet gesture.

We all gathered at this really cool restaurant and ate and laughed and had a really good time. When we were done we realized the night was still young so Bea had this brilliant idea to keep the party going and drop in on this really happening night spot downtown. Kay (another co-worker) and I were down so the three of us went on to this club after dinner.

Once we got in there Kay and I immediately realized this was not your ordinary bar. Oh no. As we all stood around talking and drinking and playing pool in the back Kay and I kept feeling this weird vibe going on in this place but kinda brushed it off.

As time went on I needed to visit the little girls room. As I announced my intent Bea suddenly realized she had to go as well. No biggie. We find the ladies room and once I opened the door I noticed that there was just one stall in this one bathroom. I was a little apprehensive. Bea seeing my trepidation said, "You go ahead first. I'll just turn my head while you go." A little weirded out I agreed and began to use the bathroom. While doing so Bea and I are holding a conversation. "So Diva, how are you enjoying this place?"

"Oh it's a cool spot. Lots of fun."

"You notice any weirdness?" she asks.

Oh, you mean besides you standing in the bathroom while I pee. Not at all. "No. No weirdness, just like a funny vibe or something."

"I don't know if you noticed this or not but this is a gay bar." she says.

OK! That explains the vibe I was getting. I'm cool. I can deal. No problem. "Oh. OK. I've never been to a gay club before."

"I come here alot. I don't know if you noticed or not but I'm gay too."

Oh noooo!!! I have never stopped peeing so quickly in my life!!! I zipped up my pants so fast I got dizzy. I tried not to act phased by what she said and simply replied, "Oh really. I hadn't notice."

She picks this very moment to come out. This very moment when we are both locked in a bathroom together with my pants down to tell me some crap like this. After I washed my hands I told her, "I'll wait for you outside."

Damn if I'm gonna get caught in there now. She and I remained friends for years afterward but that was a weird night. lol

Just an FYI....people, please rethink coming out when you are locked in a bathroom with someone. I'm just saying.