I was invited to a friends house recently for dinner. I had no idea what was on the menu and I could care less, it was just nice to not have to cook for once. Who the hell am I kidding you all know I wasn't going to cook anyway.

Anyhow, I text him and asked what I should bring because you all know just how classy I am and he informed me to just bring myself. That I could do.

So the appointed hour arrived and I pulled up in front of his house to find him standing in the door looking out for me. Mind you, I had never been to his house before so I wasn't sure what to expect. With men it's a crap shoot as to how their homes will look. I've seen some men have immaculate homes and others should have been condemned by the health department. I think all men should attend a decorating and housekeeping class for bachelors before they are allowed to move into their first homes and certainly before they start bringing women over but I digress.

So I park my car and walk up to his porch and he gives me a welcoming hug. So far so good. I step inside and immediately regretted I even accepted this date.

First off, the house is old (built in the 1950's) and seemed to have the same stairs and kitchen from when it was first built. Can we say renovation please?

I lie to you not, the kitchen had the old metal cabinets painted white circa 1952 and one of them was coming off the hinges. Nice. He also had an old ratty bathroom in the kitchen. Yuck!

The carpet needed vacuuming, badly. As I was surveying the scenery I looked down at the carpet and saw a brown bug crawling across the floor. You have no idea how bad I just wanted to turn around and bolt out that door screaming for dear life but I pulled it together.

After seeing this mess I was in no mood to eat. I literally lost my appetite. I faked it though. I forced myself to eat a respectable amount of food and fiend being full.

That was my last meal over to his house you can bet on that.

If that all wasn't bad enough, I spotted a prescription for Clavamox. You know I wrote that down so I could google it later right? It is a medication for cats and dogs. Funny thing is, he does not have any pet, at all.

There have been many times I wish I had learned to swim when I was young. I am deathly afraid of the water which makes learning to swim all the more difficult. That’s way too much water to drink. I think it would have been easier if I tackled this task when I was a young kid because kids are fearless much to the horror of their parents.

I’ve gone on a few tropical vacations in my adult life, (Hawaii, Bahamas) where swimming would have been a wonderful treat. The waters were so blue and cool and refreshing and so darn inviting but yet I sat on the sidelines and just wished I had the guts to go in. People were swimming, jet skiing, playing March Polo, looking quite cool on those very hot summer days.

Many years ago when I lived at home with my parents we had a pool in the back yard. Kind of ironic if you ask me since none of us were swimmers. We never went to the pool or beach to swim as a family. I think maybe if we had my younger sister would not have drowned at the neighborhood community pool many years previous when we were kids.

I remember looking out into the back yard one particularly hot summer afternoon and watching my father swim. He was standing on the edge of the pool at the high end and dove right in and swam to the other side and climbed out, walked back over to the high end and drove right back in.

I was totally shocked. I stood there for a few minutes processing what I had just witnessed. I was 20 years old at the time and had never seen my father swim. Never. I had no idea he even knew how to swim. Why in all these years had he not taken us to a pool or beach to go swimming? I have no idea but it would have been nice and I’m sure he would have been able to teach me to swim since there was no man in the world I trusted more then my father to keep me safe.

Boy do I have a dating story for you guys.

I've been dating hanging out with my friend Mr. Tall for about a month. He is sweet, kind, and attentive. I was very intrigued with how great he treated me. He never once pressured me for sex like most men I know have done in the past. It was refreshing.

Here in Maryland we had the "Best 11 days of summer' which was the state fair. He had never attended before and I love fairs and carnivals so we decided to go together. We had a great time. Afterward we come back to my house to hang out a little. We were sitting on the sofa just chatting away with the hum of the television in the background. It was a very pleasant time indeed until things took a rather peculiar turn.

During our conversation Mr. Tall proceeds to tell me that he cheated on his then but now ex wife with his sister in law in his house right before they were to attend a BBQ. The sister in law only agreed to be with him if he allowed their rendezvous to include a gay guy that had eyes for him. He agreed. Now not only did he have sex with the SIL but also this gay guy! I asked him if this was his only interlude with a guy and to my surprise it wasn't. He picked up a transvestite and had sex with him as well. I am not going to get into the gory details he disclosed but suffice to say it took everything in me to not scream and run in disgust. Oh this is not it my friends.

He also disclosed to me that he had a sexual addiction that he battled for 7 years. He would seek the services of "professionals". He even had a second part time job to finance this addiction. Wait, there is more.

He also mentioned that he received two different STD's from two different women and gave both of them to a third woman. Wow.

This guy is a real catch. If any of you would like to date this gem I can so hook it up.

This is a true story. Can I tell you I was in physical pain from trying not to show how much I wanted to scream and run away from him. I couldn't get him out of my house fast enough.

This crap only happens to me people.

One of my guilty pleasures is watching Real Housewives of... I like the New York franchise and I like the New Jersey franchise as well. I must say though that Atlanta has got me completely hooked.

Have you guys seen this show? I can't stop watching. I love it. I think after New York, New Jersey and Atlanta the wives of Orange County have to step up their game a little.

On the Real Housewives of Atlanta you have 5 different women with 5 different personalities. First there is Kandi Burruss. She's the former member of the girl group Xscape and the newest cast member. I must say that she is by far my favorite. She stays out of drama and she is grounded and I love her.

Then you have the former wife of Keith Sweat, Lisa Wu Hartwell. I love her as well. She is funny, fun and spicy. She reminds me a lot of me actually in that respect.

Then there is Sheree Whitfield. I don't particularly care for Sheree much. She is too over the top and has an over inflated sense of her own self importance.

Next we have Kim Zolciak. I'm not sure how I feel about her actually. She seems really nice and all but there is something that seems to set the other women off. I am holding off judgement on her for now.

Then there is Nene Leakes. Oh Nene. She is loud, rowdy and ghetto but she is always trying to call Lisa and Kandi ghetto and street when clearly she is the most "hood" of them all as she calls them. Nene needs to sit down somewhere, really.

No matter what' I'll be tuning into Bravo this coming Thursday.

My favorite TV show of all time is Sex and The City. I love everything SATC. Don't judge me!

Anyway, there was an episode where the girls talked about their Secret Single Behavior. My girl at Broke in the City did a post on this and I thought I would steal her idea and make a post of my own.

Secret Single Behaviors are behaviors you exhibit when you are alone at home but would never want your mate to see. Here are a few of my SSB:

1. Washing my hair. I know we all wash our hair but I refuse to do it around my s/o unless I absolutely have to.


2. Painting my toes nails. I hate my feet and would never want my s/o to ever see them. EVER!


3. I eat Pineapple and cheese sandwiches. I also eat banana sandwiches. Don't judge me!

So what are YOUR secret single behavior you don't want your mate to see?

Over the years men have developed and lived by their set of “man laws”. Well I felt it was only fitting that we women publish our own set of “woman laws”.

1. Guys, if a woman is attracted to you, she will not introduce you to her friend so YOU guys can hook up. Get over it.


2. If we sleep with you fellas relatively soon after we meet, it’s not because we are sluts, it’s because we thought you were mature enough to handle an adult situation. Oops.


3. Contrary to popular belief not all women have lesbian fantasies and will indulge your freaky desire for a 3 way.


4. Just because you had us in the past DOES NOT mean you will always be able to get the goodies anytime you want. When the candy store is closed, it’s CLOSED.


5. A real woman does not sleep with her friends’ man. EVER.


6. A woman will tell you what she wants, you just have to listen.


7. Women need our girly getaways with our girls periodically. Deal with it.


8. If a woman does not call you back fellas, she’s just not that into you.


9. If we have a good job, our OWN place and our own car and pay our own bills, we will not give you the time of day if you live in your momma’s basement and ride the bus to pick up your unemployment check. Not going to happen.
   
   
   

I was listening to a nationally syndicated radio personality this afternoon and the subject of cheating came up on his show.

There was a caller that said that she is not responsible for another person's relationship or marriage. I was completely stunned. There were other callers that cosigned this woman's sentiment.

It dawned on me that she used that line as an excuse to justify sleeping with married men and that enraged me. You say you are not responsible for another person's relationship or marriage but what about respecting it.

I supposed that respecting someones marriage or relationship is old fashioned.