All The Men I've Loved

In my 112 years of dating I’ve run across many different types of men. I was taking some time this weekend to actually mull over all these guys and see if there is some sort of pattern with me and the type of guys I’ve attracted.

Hmmmm…let’s see.

When I was 18 there was my first boyfriend Little Man. I’ve always loved the pretty boys and he was no exception. It seemed that we were destined to be together because we both had an affinity for Prince. He took it too far though when he purchased and wore (constantly) the same white ruffle shirt Prince wore in Purple Rain. Then he decided he wanted to become a junior criminal and run guns and drugs. Hmmmmm.

Then a few years later there was Moocher. This dude was constantly broke and begging for money. He also had 8 children by 6 different women and had the audacity to broach the subject with me of having a child by him. Sure guy, that sounds like a plan. Just add me to the list of women popping out your spawn.

Then after him there was Mr. Needy. I couldn’t go into the next room without him asking me, “Why are you going into the kitchen?” “What do you need in the bedroom?” I couldn’t speak to a male friend while we were out without him asking, “Did you ever sleep with him?” Uuuhh…yeah, I slept with ALL of them. Geesh.

Then there was Mr. Construction. He was the biggest cad I’d ever met. He’d leave candy and gum wrappers on my living room floor. That’s a big no no. He’d order his food and drinks at restaurants before me. Uuuhh….no! He was at my house one morning when the cable repair guy came over. Instead of him waiting until the guy was finished before he left to go home he bailed out as soon as the guy got there. I asked him to stick around just in case I needed him to which he kindly said, “You won’t need me. That guy can handle everything.” After which he sprinted to the car and sped off.

Then it was The Analyst. Mister self centered. This is the guy that told me he was going to leave me alone in a strange hotel to go stay with his parents the night my house caught on fire . Oh yeah, you are a winner guy.

Then it was Mr. Horny Toad IT Guy. This wonderful specimen of manhood tried to badger me into having sex with him 2 nights after I met him. “Aaawww come on Tee. We are both adults. I like you, you like me why is there a need to wait? I feel a real connection here like we can finish each other’s thoughts. It’s magical.” Dude, I’ve only known you for 48 hours, pump your brakes a little.

In looking over this list, these guys aren't random at all are they?

Oh well.