I’ve never shared this with you all but my mother lives in an assisted living facility. She’s pretty young compared to the average age median there so she pretty much stays to herself. She can be such a snob at times.

Last Friday the facility put on a Senior Prom for the residents. They sent me a notice and asked that all RSVP’s be in by April 1st. Well of course I never even broached the subject with my mother because her being the snob that she is would surely have looked at me as if I had 3 heads and told me with out a doubt, “NO!” so I simply threw the invitation in the trash and went on with life. Completely forgetting about said Senior Prom until I received a call from one of the employees telling me that they had gotten my mother out of her room, got her dressed and she was down at the prom and I should come see her.

I was thrilled that they got her out of the room because she had been camped out there for months now. I walked into the dining room and it was decorated really nicely with banners and balloons and they had a live band whom were really good might I say. The old folks were all dressed up in their dresses and suites and ties and dancing. I was speechless. It was the cutest thing I had seen in ages.

As I moved further into the dining room to search for my mother nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. There, sitting in her wheelchair looking on at the festivities was my mother all dressed up with her hair pulled back in a really nice bun and get this, they put make up on her! She looked phenomenal. I was flabbergasted. I walked over to her and said, “Oooohhhh look at you all done up. You look great.” She simply smiled and said thank you.

I stood by her for a good while until one of the employees pulled up a chair for me to sit. I don’t know about anybody else but I was having a ball watching the old folks get their party on. You would have thought it was my prom the way my eyes twinkled at all the sights. I looked over at my mother and asked her, “Are you having a good time?” In true Queen Diva fashion she just simply shrugged her shoulders and said, “Eeehhh. I guess.”

I sent my two younger brothers a picture of mom that I snapped with my camera phone to which the youngest one replied “Make sure she gets back to her room at a respectable hour. You know what happens at these proms.” Eeeiiiwww, thanks for the visual.

Do I have the word "Breeder" stamped across my forehead and no one told me? Or do I look like a big ass horse?

Why do I keep meeting these guys that want me to breed for them and produce all these children. I kid you not and it's a little frightening.

I have met several men over the last few years that have looked me in my eyes ever so lovingly just as they were scarfing down a greasy burger and say to me, "We would have the cutest kids. What do you think?"

Huh?

"I want a little girl. What do you say?"

Dude, are you kidding me? Where is Ashton?

Apparently I have "Human Breeder" written all over me. And the worst part of all is that not one of my so called girlfriends even bothered to tell me this fact. Bitches!

It's unreal.

Hey, why not forgo the inconvenience of a relationship and subsequent marriage and just drop kids wherever you can and it's all good. No muss no fuss.

Yeah, I'm down with this program.

As I’ve been thrust back out into the dating scene as of late it’s become increasingly clear to me many of the men these days have lost the art of wooing a lady. They just don’t seem to know how to treat a woman these days and quite frankly I’m not used to it.

But, after further thought I also realized that we women have to take much of the blame for this as well. We have stopped taking these men to task when they become cads and slip off their game. We have started allowing them to treat us far below the standards of not so many years ago all because “we’re in a new day now and men just don’t act that way anymore.” Sure, that is the truth but it’s because we have allowed them to get away with this behavior.

Come on ladies we have to take some responsibility in all this. People will only treat you the way you allow them to treat you. That is a fact. When we no longer require them to open the door for us or allow them to order before us in a restaurant or not force them to watch the tone in which they speak to us or wait at least until we know their last name before we sleep with them then what do we expect the out come to be?

I’m not trying to be all preachy but I just had to make this observation. Ladies, we have to get it together and hold these men accountable for their bad behavior.

Chivalry is not dead, at least not in my house.

Here's a question for you.

If you found out a coworker was being deliberately deceitful and stealing (embezzling) from the company would you tell or choose to not get involved?

I am a huge America Idol fan. Have been since the first episode aired back in 2002 and haven't missed a season yet.

If I am going to be completely honest, the last couple of years have not been the best. I was bored and felt that the contestants were lackluster so it was difficult to latch on to one and make him or her my favorite and will them to the finish line. I made a vow to myself that if this season was as tedious as the previous I would hang up my American Idol shoes and be done with it.

The season began and then there was Adam Lambert.


His guy has me so mesmerized its unreal. I knew early on that he was going to emerge as a clear front runner. Let me officially go on the record publicly and say that I think he will be the winner. He will take home the whole enchilada.

I think Allison will come in second as she should because she is fabulous as well.

I can not remember in the history of American Idol there ever being a contestant with such presence, such polish, such confidence (without being cocky), that has the look. Adam has it all and America better get it right and vote this guy the winner.

In my 112 years of dating I’ve run across many different types of men. I was taking some time this weekend to actually mull over all these guys and see if there is some sort of pattern with me and the type of guys I’ve attracted.

Hmmmm…let’s see.

When I was 18 there was my first boyfriend Little Man. I’ve always loved the pretty boys and he was no exception. It seemed that we were destined to be together because we both had an affinity for Prince. He took it too far though when he purchased and wore (constantly) the same white ruffle shirt Prince wore in Purple Rain. Then he decided he wanted to become a junior criminal and run guns and drugs. Hmmmmm.

Then a few years later there was Moocher. This dude was constantly broke and begging for money. He also had 8 children by 6 different women and had the audacity to broach the subject with me of having a child by him. Sure guy, that sounds like a plan. Just add me to the list of women popping out your spawn.

Then after him there was Mr. Needy. I couldn’t go into the next room without him asking me, “Why are you going into the kitchen?” “What do you need in the bedroom?” I couldn’t speak to a male friend while we were out without him asking, “Did you ever sleep with him?” Uuuhh…yeah, I slept with ALL of them. Geesh.

Then there was Mr. Construction. He was the biggest cad I’d ever met. He’d leave candy and gum wrappers on my living room floor. That’s a big no no. He’d order his food and drinks at restaurants before me. Uuuhh….no! He was at my house one morning when the cable repair guy came over. Instead of him waiting until the guy was finished before he left to go home he bailed out as soon as the guy got there. I asked him to stick around just in case I needed him to which he kindly said, “You won’t need me. That guy can handle everything.” After which he sprinted to the car and sped off.

Then it was The Analyst. Mister self centered. This is the guy that told me he was going to leave me alone in a strange hotel to go stay with his parents the night my house caught on fire . Oh yeah, you are a winner guy.

Then it was Mr. Horny Toad IT Guy. This wonderful specimen of manhood tried to badger me into having sex with him 2 nights after I met him. “Aaawww come on Tee. We are both adults. I like you, you like me why is there a need to wait? I feel a real connection here like we can finish each other’s thoughts. It’s magical.” Dude, I’ve only known you for 48 hours, pump your brakes a little.

In looking over this list, these guys aren't random at all are they?

Oh well.

He said: "Hmmm... It's raining outside. I thought it was supposed to be sunny."

I said: "Yeah, rainy days and Monday's always get me down."

He said: "It get's you down too?"

I said: *Blank stare*

How could I ever consider being with a guy that doesn't get a clear song reference such as "rainy days and Monday's always get me down"?

Clearly he is not the one.

Duh!