Thursday, March 20, 2008

Open Your Eyes

Renewing of wedding vows should be a meaningful event …….right? It’s pretty significant right?

Well, a couple of weeks ago a friend of mine and her husband decided to renew their marriage vows in church on a Sunday. Several of us (friends and family) gathered at this church to witness this event and to lend our support.

Let’s backtrack a minute shall we? About 7 ½ years ago hubby (we’ll call him Dumbass) cheated on his wife and tore their family apart. They have two children and have been married for 11 years at that point. The wife (we’ll call her Clueless) was so devastated by Dumbass’s indiscretion that she put him out of the house. He eventually moved in with the bimbo he cheated with. For the next three years Clueless and Dumbass were apart but communicating for the sake of the kids. Clueless never stopped wanted to reunite her family. Dumbass didn’t really seem all that interested in coming back into the family fold. He seemed quite happy with Bimbo.

Well, as fate would have it, Dumbass fell ill. He had a minor stroke. See how fate and karma work? Anyway, Clueless sees this as her golden opportunity to take her wifely duties to heart and reunite the family at the same time by bringing Dumbass back into the home and caring for him during his recovery.

It’s now been four years since they’ve been reunited and from the outside things look fine between them. He’s fully recovered and has since commenced to working two jobs to keep the family afloat while Clueless stays at home and runs a small daycare that really is not bringing in much money.

Its recently come to light that Dumbass is back out there cheating again. With not one woman but THREE different women now. His DUMBASS told a close friend of the both of them about these three women. This friend is conflicted because he really likes Clueless but doesn’t want to hurt her.

It is my firm belief that we women KNOW when our men are out there cheating whether we what to acknowledge it or not. We know. I knew when my husband was cheating. Clueless knows too. She told a mutual friend of ours that she had a dream that Dumbass was cheating on her again but she brushed it off as nothing more then a dream. Yeah….ok.

Anyway, fast forward to this marriage vow renewal ceremony. We are all gathered to witness these couples renew their marriage vows before God, friends and family. I am sitting next to my girlfriend T (we’ll call her Crazy because she cracks me up ALL the time! Lol) Anyway, so Crazy and I are sitting there together and we keep giving each other the side glances because we know this whole thing is a farce. The Priest tells the men to repeat after him, “I promise to love, honor and be faithful…” SCREECH!!!! Stop the presses. Dumbass looks his wife straight in the eye and says those very words with a straight face! Wow! Then for dramatic purposes he begins to tear up. Yeah…right.

Crazy and I just side glance each other and nearly bust a gut trying NOT to burst out laughing hysterically.

The whole service lasted 3 hours!!!! I was out done. Crazy leans in to me and says, “I’m gonna pray this man shuts up.” She then leans up close to the pew in front of her and puts her hands together as if to pray and then says, “Lord, please stop….” That was it. I turned away from her and just cracked up laughing. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. The woman in front of us turned around and scowled at us as if to say “Shut the hell up!” then turned back around. Crazy almost got us thrown out of church!!!

It was planned days prior that after church we’d all go out to dinner at a local restaurant. Why did Dumbass all of a sudden become too tired to attend the dinner? Hmmm…yeah…ok.

At dinner Clueless says, “Did you all notice that Dumbass started crying in church?” Crazy and I look at her and simply say, “Yep.” Clueless says, “Dumbass is going through some thing. I don’t know what but he’ll work it out.” Hmmm…could it be that he was feeling guilty for lying in church in front of GOD?! Could it be he promised to be faithful but he doesn’t know the meaning of the word?

Crazy and I just look with blank stares. You know what the hell your husband is going through. You just don’t want to face it again.

35 People saying stuff:

soumynona said...

Yeah, CLueless and Dumbass will have to work out some things, but you and Crazy are hilarious!! Why was I at a wedding not too long ago and me and my homegirl were asked to stop laughing on several occassions. The ushers even came over. I love laughing when you aren't supposed to

Nicole P said...

You know, most people would lean towards blaming the Dumbass in a situation like this. And yes, he does sound like a PIG!!!
But don't you think that Clueless needs to take some responsibilty as well. Not for his infedelity, but she needs to take charge of herself and stop being a dang door mat!!! Seriously, I don't get women like this!!

shorty said...

What about the kids? Good role models, both of them.

But we aren't all saints either.

1/3 of what I used to be said...

lol you and crazy were so wrong for laughing in church but that was hilarious lol Clueless needs to let DUMBASS go but I guess thats easier for me to say since I've never been married. Maybe his crying means he will actually try this time around..but looking at his track record..thats looking real unlikely..

Sizzle said...

He didn't even attend his own dinner!?

It's sad what people will put up with. It certainly makes me never want to get hitched.

CarmenSinCity said...

wow - good times. That man is scum and I feel sorry for the woman, but she needs to open her eyes and move on. She should have let him stay sick with the bimbo. She shouldn't have taken him in.

Wow - 3 hour ceremony - that sucks ass!!!!!! I would have been dying.

Suze's Sass said...

First of all I applaud you for sticking around for 3 hours. Damn - that's a freakin' long time!!!

Poor Clueless - she just doesn't want to admit that he's the same Dumbass he always was and always will be AND I don't even know him!

Joe said...

3 hours? 3 HOURS?!? Ugh.

Oh, the rest of it sounds really bad, too. Hearing things like this makes me realize why it's so hard for some people to trust.

Freckle Face Girl said...

I think he skipped out on dinner to meet up with one of his bimbos. He is probably going to end up with another stroke if he keeps all that action up.

Poor clueless - I believe she knows too.

B_More BAP Life said...

Marriage = Scary!

Mizrepresent said...

Gurl, you are the truth, women do know when their man is cheating...we have radar like that...i knew, and caught him everytime, until Clueless addresses this it will continue...but i just hope it don't tear up her self-esteem, because that is the obvious setback most women face when dealing with a "serial cheater".

So@24 said...

This story is unbelievable and extremely depressing.

Sounds like one of these:

http://startingoverat24.blogspot.com/2007/08/shitty-couples.html

I seriously don't know how you sat through that.

Anonymous said...

This is so sad on so many levels. Dumbass deserves everything that karma brings to him and more. I just hope his family isn't affected by the fallout.

MP said...

This story started out kind of like Tyler Perry's Diary of a Mad Black Woman.

Their situation is crazy but when you give men the okay to act like that they will. She obviously doesn't believe that she deserves any better and she won't have any better until she gets her stuff together. SO sad.

Ann(ie) said...

ug. Sadly, I know a few clueless and dumbasses. All I can say is thank GOD for friends like Crazy!!!! They help us stay sane.

Claudia said...

nucking futs, man!

tAnYeTTa said...

I want to respond but, I won't do it in the comments because I have the utmost respect for you.

Check your email.

lisa q. said...

karma's a b*tch and it will jump up and bite him in the butt once again...as for clueless, well she's taught him she'll continue to stick her head in the sand while he does what he does...it's sad really that she doesn't have more respect for herself and more concern for her kids...

Ms. Behaving said...

UGGH...I am so disgusted by Dumbass!!!

I mean what's the sense in renewing the vows if HE really doesn't mean em' and why even get married in the first place if dude still wants to play the field??

I don't get it *SIGH*

Pageant Mom said...

OMG. Apparantly, Clueless has Ostriches for ancestors (and I mean that in the kindest way)

I had a friend like that. I bit my tongue so many,many, times and I almost said something when...

She called me the morning of their son's 2nd birthday party to see if I knew where her idiot was. (Sometimes idiot would tag along with my husband to play golf and he never told her where he was.)

And I DID.

But it wasn't golf...the radio station I happened to stop on (I surf like mad) was having a car wash with the chicks from some local strip club, and they were talking about how said idiot was there getting his truck washed and pimping his (very distinctly named) BUSINESS on the radio.

And she STILL took him back after he didn't bother to come to the birthday party.

You should have seen the blood pouring from the corner of my mouth.

You did very well, I would have had to make up an excuse to get up and leave out of the church!

p.s. Thanks for adding me to your blogroll - that made my day!!!

Karen said...

You did WAY better than I would have done. I cannot control my laughter in times like that. I would have had to walk out of the chruch.

Erica AP said...

That's crazy!!! I would never put up with that. He sounds like a creep!!!

The Ambiguous Blob said...

It's like the real life dumb & dumber!

Vi said...

What perfect names for the two of them! OMG, you really made me laugh with this post!

SSC said...

Sometimes people are blinded by love and accept things that they shouldn't.

dmarks said...

That's awful.... I know it might seem to some like the law getting in where it doesn't belong, but it is situations like this that make me lean a little toward the idea of adultery being a crime.

I've known of worse situations. Where the Dumbass even beats the Clueless.

B said...

3 hours?! THREE HOURS?! My parents renewed their vows at their 25th anniversary party and it took like, 20 minutes if that!

and I agree that people know what their other halves are up too, they just don't want to admit it.

Just_Wondering said...

Wow what a great story! It just so happens that I went to a similar ceremony a year and a half ago. The couple wanted to renew after being married 25 years (hubby is a complete joke that does not help with any of the finances among other things) She planned the entire wedding and simply had him show up only to be embarrassed when he did not take one picture with her during the reception. Why you ask?? He had run off trying to be a Good Samaritan driving some lady off at the train station! WHAT A MESS!

I was totally laughing during the church ceremony, but more discreetly lol

Just_Wondering

Brittany_83 said...

Dumbass is such a dumbass

CarmenSinCity said...

Hey girl - I tagged you!!!!
check out my blog and play along :)

Lys said...

I can't even last through a 3 hour CLOONEY movie let alone a marriage vow renewal ceremony. Oh. My. Holy. Hell - I just couldn't do it - nor could I keep my comments to myself. I would be having a one to one with ClueLess and then also a *discussion* with Dumbass.

And Crazy sounds like she's too much *LOL* Thankfully you had someone there to keep the focus on the lighter side of things...

Kelley said...

So did you have to give them a present? Besides 3 hours of your life that you won't get back.

Don't you wish you brought a laptop with you and live blogged it? LMAO

laughingattheslut said...

Well, I can't speak for other women, but I didn't know.

The first girl he was "seeing" was a lesbian. And I thought, what could be more safe than him having a friend who just doesn't like men that way. I certainly have my male friends who don't like women that way. But then one day we got into a fight because we were short on money and we were going to have to give up going out and such, and he refused to call and cancel something with this lesbian. And then it occurred to me that I only had his word that she was a lesbian, and the fact that I thought she looked like a lesbian really didn't count for anything. And he went to see her over my objections and I thought this is it, we're over, and then he comes back home and tells me that he was just going to tell her goodbye since their friendship was upsetting me.

The other one didn't even live in this country and would never meet unless the dimwit slut wanted to pay a lot of money to try to get someone else's husband. And you just don't think that anyone would be desperate enough to do that, and it was a total shock when she did.

I took him back under certain conditions, which he has not met. I would show him the door if I had the money to do so. I am still totally baffled why he would lie to get me to take him back. I don't see what he is getting out of the situation the way it is. And if he wanted to see other women, I gave him the chance to get out without owing me any money right about the time that he thought he wanted that lesbian, so I don't see why he didn't just get out then. Now we've bought all this stuff together and have debts and I'm worried we'll be like this forever.

MysTery said...

So sad.

smileyes said...

All I have to say to that is wow!
Also, I love your names for people.