I have been thinking for quite some time now that I need a change of scenery. I want to move all the way across country to California. I am serious about this. I used to frequent California several years ago and I simply fell in love with it. There is just something electric about California compared to the east coat with the exception of New York. Maybe it’s because there is just a totally completely different mind set out there then on the east coast. They are so much more laid back and less judgmental then those here on the east coast. We tend to be more aggressive, ruder and more uptight.
I am a very free spirited person. I try my best not to judge folks. Hell I say live and let live but if I were to tell my uptight, clinched assed girlfriends about some of the things I’ve done or want to do they would surely look at me a lot differently then they do now. For that reason I tend to keep intensely personal thoughts, feelings and desires to myself. Sometimes I feel as though I am living a lie and not really allowed to be myself. I would love to just be able to be my true self around folks. Even with my current boyfriend I can’t really be myself because I don’t think he could handle it. In fact, I know he can’t.
Maybe if I move out there and start fresh and meet some new people I can finally be able to let go.
Finding a job shouldn’t be hard for me; I’m a nurse and have been for the last 10 years so I’m sure I could find a hospital or doctor’s office to work in. I think fear is preventing me from doing this. I don’t have a place to live out there so finding a job BEFORE I get there will be a bit challenging. I don’t know anyone out there so I would be completely alone and that frightens me as well.
I don’t know, maybe one day I’ll grow the balls necessary to do want I always wanted to do.
Have you ever been afraid to make serious life altering decisions? If so did you go through with it and how did it turn out?