Wednesday, May 30, 2007

I know what I like

Ok, how many of you knew right from the very beginning what time of mate you were attracted too? It seems I have known since I was 10 years old what time of guy I was attracted too. It may sound weird but it’s true. When I was in the 5th grade there was this little boy named Joseph and I was so in love with this guy. Well, as much in love as a 10 year old could be anyway. LOL He, of course, paid me absolutely no mind. He was very, very cute. What most would call a pretty boy.

Then when I was 11, there was this little boy around my neighborhood that I was also in love with. He did, however, become my boyfriend (for the summer only). He was also a very cute boy but he was also the neighborhood bad boy. This kid was always getting into trouble. He’s the one I shared my very first kiss with. I swear I saw stars when we kissed!! I shit you not. LOL

Then there was Morris. Oh my goodness! I had the biggest crush on him. He was also a pretty boy.

Can you see a pattern here? Every boy/man I have ever been attracted too have all looked the same. They’ve been pretty boys and had a little bad boy in them as well.

I have been consistent in the men I wanted since I was 10 years old.

Hmmmmmm…..I wonder what that says about me?


Sunday, May 27, 2007

Am I the Only One?

Ok folks. I know that we have all gone to the grocery store and purchased items that has an expiration date. Just a word to the wise......the expiration date is on the package for a reason.

The Analyst hasn't yet grasped that concept. When I purchase things like eggs, milk, bacon, sausage, etc. I am very conscience of the expiration date. If an item is ONE DAY past the's outta here!

Well, in going through the frig the other day I noticed that some sausage I had was 2 weeks past the expiration date!!! Oh No!!! They had to go! They were still in the original package unopened so I threw them into the garbage quickly.

He goes down stairs this morning to make some sausage for breakast and immediately starts screaming, "DIVA!!!! Where is the sausage?"

"Ummmm, I threw them out."

"Why on earth did you do that?"

"Maybe because it was starting to turn onto a science project."

"It was still in the package though."


"It was still on the package. It was still good."

I just stood there looking blank faced for a moment. I blinked my eyes several times in total disbelief. Then I said very calmly, "They started making plastic wraping that prevents food from spoiling now?"

Needless to say he had bacon for breakfast.

Am I the only one that pays attention to that little date on the package?

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

My well is now dry

Since I have not been fortunate enough to have met any of my fellow bloggers here in blogoshere, mostly because I am new to this blogging thing, I must start this post by stating that I am a pretty generous person when it comes to my friends. I have loaned money and given shelter to friends when in need.

One year I was involved in a minor car accident. There was no personal injury but a good amount of damage to my car. Well, the insurance company decided to give me a nice chunk of change to repair my car. Great!!! After much consideration I decided, ‘To hell with this piece of shit car.’ I used the insurance check to purchase a new car. YYYAAAAHOOOOO!!!! So that means I had a banged up , albeit drivable, car sitting in the parking lot of my apartment complex. An old high school buddy asked if he could have the car since I no longer needed it. I, being the wonderful human being that I am (*ok...shadddup! Stop snickering) decided to give it to him as he had no car at all.

I told him that I needed to cancel that old car from my insurance and he’ll need to get his own. He begged me to not cancel the insurance just yet. “Give me a little time to get the insurance money together.” he says.

I, like a dumb ass said, “OK. I’ll give you a few weeks to get the money together to get your own insurance.”

Every time I approached him in regards to my cancelling this car from my insurance he had a sob story about how he needed more time and I kept agreeing.

Well one day after months of this run around I told him that I am canceling the insurance the next day, no if, ands, or buts. He sadly went along with that. Now what my dumb ass SHOULD have done was to take the tags off the damn car but I am to stupid for that…..nooooooo….I let him drive with the tags and no insurance.

Well, while he had the car he racked up 2 tickets and managed to get the car impounded. Even with this, he never went to the impound lot to retrieve the tags!

One ticket he received was in Baltimore City and they offered an amnesty so instead of paying the exorbeted amount of $840 I only had to pay $20. WHEW! That was great so I did that. Another ticket was in Baltimore County and those bitches never give amnesty so I was required to pay the penalty laced amount of $579!

Oh, this is not the end.......because the car was impounded and the tags NOT returned to MVA I had to pay a penalty...oh you'll love this.....of $1500! Yep!

I mentioned these fees to my buddy but his ass never came off of ANY money. I PAID ALL OF HIS TICKETS AND FEES!!! Never again will I give anyone anything that has my name attached to it!

With all that said and done, I didn't kick his ass to the curb......I decided to not let money ruin a's only money.....right? Hmmmmmmmm......

Lesson learned. Trust me.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

There is nothing wrong with you

Oh my dear friend, I heard your plight. You are a beautiful, desirable woman. You have very womanly needs and wants. I feel your pain of not being able to enjoy the splendor of intimacy that most men and women enjoy.

I see that you are blaming yourself but please don’t. Even though most men and women enjoy the closeness that two people share in the privacy behind closed doors, those very grown up times, you are not alone in not wanting the same. There are many others just like you that cringe at the thought of having that man who loves you touch you in the most loving way possible. Maybe you are afraid he doesn’t really love you. Maybe you have never been loved before.

Truth be told, most men have absolutely no clue how to love a woman. They have no idea how to touch and caress us. A simple look and caress can be the hottest thing two people can share.

Maybe the men in your life had no idea that the mere sound of their voice could send shivers through your body.

Most men think pounding away inside you should do the trick and feel quite angry and put off when they realize it doesn’t.

My friend, you need so much more. You feel because you have not experienced the gentle love of a man that something is wrong with you but you must realize nothing is further from the truth.

My friend, there is nothing wrong with you. You are not alone.

Never Again!

I’m sure we’ve all been out and about in our respect cities and come across a homeless person. We have mixed feelings about seeing this individual but because this is a regular occurrence throughout the world so we shake it off and move on.

Sometimes, we may even be moved enough to give them some of our hard earned cash.

Can I tell you after a couple of experiences I’ve witnessed I can say in all sincerity….To hell with them all!!!!!!

Most of them are some scheming bastards! Case in point:

Example #1: My boyfriend (The Analyst) and I were patronizing a local eatery when we were approached by a dirty, sweaty homeless gentleman. He, in a very pitiful tone, asked for money to get something to eat. The Analyst told this guy that he would buy him food instead. The guy was agreeable to this but it was obvious that was not the response he was hoping for. While The Analyst was inside of the restaurant purchasing our food the homeless guy continued to harass patrons as they entered the parking lot asking for money. When The Analyst came out and gave the man his food he just looked at the bag, reached out to receive it then walked to the far side of the building and laid in on the ground and proceeded to continue begging the patrons! This pathetic little bastard didn’t want any food….his ass wanted money for alcohol and/or drugs.

Example #2: The Analyst and I were entering the parking lot of a drug store. As he exited the car a woman approached him and asked for money to get on the bus as she was stranded and had no other way home. Being the kind hearted soul that he is; The Analyst gave this woman bus fare. He proceeded to the drug store, purchased his items then returned to the car. As we were leaving the parking lot we witness this shyster approach two other gentlemen and asked them for money for the bus as well! What the hell!!

People are scammers and it’s pathetic. You ignorant bastards aren’t getting any money from me from now on.

I could have sworn I saw one of their asses get into his Mercedes and drive off. Hmmmmmmmmmm……Would it be wrong for me to go up to homeless people and ask them for a dollar?


UPDATE: The scammers make it bad for the ones that REALLY need the help. There are those that seriously need assistance.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Real Life Friends

I was sitting around thinking last week about my blog and what I write in it. I also thought about some of the subject matter I plan to write about in the future and wondered if I felt comfortable enough sharing my blog address with my real life friends.

The more I thought about things the more I realized I so did not want my real life friends to see this blog. Not because there is or will be anything terribly wrong or earth shattering written here but I plan to write my personal, private thoughts here and I don’t really wish to have anyone in my real life to be privy to that information.

Blogging is and will be my only real outlet to get things off my chest. I want it to remain private in that respect.

I am, however, thankful for you; my online readers because you keep me entertained and give me great feedback when I need it.

I am a very private person in my offline world and I just don’t trust that many folks with my personal feelings and thoughts.

So, I say all of that to ask…… Do you allow your offline, real life friends/family to read your blogs or do you prefer to remain private?

Your thoughts.

Friday, May 18, 2007


I am so horny it's unreal! Boyfriend better hurry up and come up off the loving and tonight!!!!!!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

You are just Shallow

I met this guy last year. We will call him "Mike". Mike and I seened to hit it off albeit we only went out a couple times. There seemed to be chemistry between us and I thought that maybe we would actually date for awhile and get to know each other better. I was looking forward to it.

I know that there are certain men in our society that are re ally into feet. Some even go so far as to acknowledge they have a fetish. Fine. If that is your thing then fine. I happen to hate my feet because they are horrible and ugly. I don't want anyone looking or touching my feet.

Mike began pressuring me to show him my feet. I refused. I told him that I hated my feet and too leave them alone.

Apparently the feet thing is a real big issue for him because soon after my vehiment protests he started to cool off from me.

I know he really liked me because just the other day he sent me an IM out of the blue telling me he wanted me and all that. I told him he was full of shit because he didn't want me when he could of had me and he told me that my refusal to show him my feet were the reason behind his hasty retreat.

How shallow is that? Am I wrong in thinking this guy is crazy?

Mike...take you feet loving ass somewhere else.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

I am going to jail

Ok blog family, my blogging days might be coming to an end one day soon. It’s been a real blast blogging with you all but it seems my days will be shortened.

Why you ask…….I will be going to jail one of these day. I had my entire immediate family over to my house on Sunday for a Mother’s Day dinner. My 13 year old niece comes in and that’s when I knew I was going to jail.

This child is tall and slim, beautiful beyond words and has a body to die for ALREADY!!!! I just know in my heart of hearts I’m going to have to stab some little boy for stepping to my niece. It’s gonna happen people.

My brother already told me some little boy from her school has already been sniffing around her…calling her late night and whatnot. This little boy keep on and he WILL come up missing.

To all you little teenage boys… are forewarned...I will fight a kid!

Monday, May 14, 2007

Personal Issues

You know, sometimes you sit back, in a quiet moment and think over your life. You think over past experiences and wonder what kind of person you really are.

I have those moments ever so often. Self reflection is the hardest thing for a person to do. I forces you to look at areas in your life or character that maybe hard to deal with.

I remember when I was married and my husband and I went to counseling to address the marital issues we were having. The therapist pointed out some real, deep seeded issues my husband was having. For about 2 days after that counseling session, my husband just mopped around the house not really saying much, very introspective. It was several days later that he confided that he had issues with what the therapist said and it was difficult for him to deal with. What was my husbands’ response to all of this???? Dump this therapist and find another. I didn’t want to do that because I wanted him to face his issues and not run or hide from them but that is exactly what he did because we did switch therapists and this new guy did nothing to help the issue hence we split up later that year.

I say all that to say self reflection is very hard but very necessary.

I’ve been wrestling with the issue of getting close to people myself. I have no problem getting close to a man but when it comes to forging relationships with other women I tend to not get much deeper then the superficial thereby not allowing me to have the close, deep, relationship I want with my gal pals.

I don’t know why I am so closed off but I am working on it.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

What was I thinking!?

I went to DSW Shoes the other day and bought 3 pairs of shoes. I sooooo needed new shoes. Anyway. I purchased a comfortable pair of black sling backs (sorry guys, this is an estrogen thing so if you don't know what a sling back is...that's normal). Today is the first day I decided to wear them. I thoughtfully laid out my outfit and carefully got dressed this morning all excited about wearing my brand new shoes for the first time with my new pair of black slacks and new multi-colored sleeveless blouse. I am looking so cute today!!!! LOL

I arrive at work and open my car door and swing my feet out in preparation to step out onto the pavement when I looked down and was in total horror! I could not believe what I was seeing. I blinked several times really hard hoping that my eyes were just not focused properly.

I looked at my shoes.....and they were.....oh goodness can I even say it???!!!! They were BLUE!!!!! Yes! I purchased blue shoes thinking they were black! The problem is that I an wearing black today! Blue shoes are a kiss of death!!!

Needless to say I have been camped out at my desk all day except for mandatory bathroom breaks at which time I make a quick be-line right to the bathroom scurrying as fast as I can looking all preoccupied and whatnot so that no one will stop me to hold a conversation.

Is this day over yet!!!??? If one person asks me if I know that my shoes are blue instead of black I will melt them instantly with the laser death rays emitting from my eyes.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

You Just Pissed Me Off

Ok, this weekend that past was a pretty good one. I did some much needed shopping and relaxing as well as attended a fundraising Bull Roast event. There were five of us in my party and it was good to see my girls.

Anyway, we sit down at our table and eat and talk for awhile then the DJ started playing music that just forced you to get up off your butt and dance so we had no choice but to comply. Well upon our return to the table we realized that some woman had taken my seat. Normally I am a very reserved person when it comes to situations such as these, I, in most cases, would have simply gone to another table to sit and let it go. This would not have worked in this case however, There were no more seats close by and I didn’t want to sit at a table alone with a bunch of strangers while by friends all sat a another table. That would not have been cool.

I told this woman that she was sitting in my seat. She just looked at me and shook her head no. Oh my, she did not just shake her head at me! She just succeeded in pissing me the fuck off.

Well one of my girlfriends went to get her cousin whom we purchased the tickets from. Meanwhile, another gentleman had come up to us to see what was wrong. I told him that the woman was sitting in our seat and wouldn’t move. He initially suggested the he could locate me another seat but my friend who had just returned with her cousin said, “Wait, there are 5 of us in this party.” He got this really pained, confused look on his face. He couldn’t find 5 seats at another table, there just wasn’t any more room.

Meanwhile, this bitch was just sitting there. I was getting more heated by the minute, mainly because of her nasty, disrespectful attitude.

I’mma tell you all, if I wasn’t such a lady I would have jumped over that table and whopped her ass. LOL

There was a nice couple seated at our table and those good people stood up and moved to another table so that my entire party could remain together.

Then about 5 minutes later……guess what happened? That bitch decided to leave!!! After all that bullshit she leaves!

I am so not the confrontational, violent person but this woman pissed me off something fierce.

Oh well…..with all that I still had a good time.

Friday, May 4, 2007

You are just TOO BIG!

Ladies, have you ever met a man you were attracted too. You guys meet and you think there is some potential here? That's a pretty "high" stage to be in right? You feel all giddy and excited at the possibilites. We've all been there. That was me a couple years ago when I met this guy we will call "Dan".

Dan and I talked on the phone quite a bit. the conversation was always stimulating. We seemed to have a lot in common. Great! Well he had come over to my house a couple of times and we sat and chatted and got to know each other.

Then one day it was time we took this to another level....yep....we were now ready for some heavy make out sessions! YES!

The kissing was amazing. His lips were so soft and kissable and he knew just what to do with his tongue! His hands were amazing. His touch was pure fire.

As I was doing some crusing of my own my hand reached his crotch area. My eyes opened so wide I thought I was going to stretch them out of their socket! NOOO!!! This is can't be right. I started groping and feeling and I couldn't believe what I was feeling.

I had to ask, "Is that really all you?" He replied, "It sure is." I had never in my life encountered a cock as HUGE as this guys. I have to be honest.... that scared the shit out of me. Needless to say that wasn't going anywhere near me and we broke it off sometime soon after that. There was no way I was going to even attempt something that huge. He would split me in half!!!!

Thursday, May 3, 2007

A Statue Cussed me out!

Okay, I mentioned before in a previous blog about a trip I made to New Orleans. I really love that place. The music, the food, the energy just everything. I haven't been since the hurricane so I am not sure how New Orleans is now. I'm sure much different then on my visit.

Apparently, like many cities, New Orleans has a large poor population. People trying to make ends meet the best they can. Since it's a huge tourist site it stands to reason that you will see a vast number of street vendors and performers. You know how it works, they perfom, you applaud and give them a cash tip as an appreciation. No problem. My party and I were walking along the waterfront minding our own business. There was this guy painted in all silver. His appearance and poses were strikingly close to those of a statue. Hell, if you weren't paying attention you'd swear dude WAS a statue.

Anyway, as we were walking we noticed this guy and stopped for a second to see him make his poses. It was quite entertaining. We stood there for a few moments and proceeded on our way.

Why did we hear, "Oh, so you not gonna leave a tip?" Huh!!!?? I turned around to see who said that. "So you not gonna tip me?" I looked at the guy and he's now looking at us. I'm in total shock because I've never been extorted for a tip before so I was taken aback.

Our stunned silence wasn't enough for him. He proceeded to say, "See that's what's wrong with these people these days. You come down here but you don't wanna give up no money."

Get the hell outta here. He is actually catching a major tude over our not tipping. We were just walking by. I opened my mouth to ask the guy what the fuck was his problem when my friend looked at me, saw my mouth open and immediately grabbed my arrm and dragged me off.

That pathetic street performer pissed me off. How are you gonna extort a tip from passers by on the street!!?

Geesh! Dude almost got his ass whooped! LOL

Well I'm here

Hello all....I went to the doctors and was told I had an Upper Respiratory Infection. YUCK! I'm beginng to feel better. Been out of commission for a minute which I'm sure you've figured out since I haven't blogged in a while. I'm back !! Hopefully I'll be back to 100% in a few more days.

I have a pretty fun weekend planned ahead. I am going to a bull roast tomorrow so I am excited about that. FOOD.....DRINK.....DANCING!! What more can I ask for!!!! lol

What else can make a girl recover better then SHOPPING! I plan to shop my heart out on Saturday. I hope I am up to it.

What have you all been up to?

Oh, I want to thank you all for your well wishes. It truly meant a lot. Seriously.

Ok, now I am making my rounds to each of your blogs so see ya soon!