Monday, May 14, 2007

Personal Issues

You know, sometimes you sit back, in a quiet moment and think over your life. You think over past experiences and wonder what kind of person you really are.

I have those moments ever so often. Self reflection is the hardest thing for a person to do. I forces you to look at areas in your life or character that maybe hard to deal with.

I remember when I was married and my husband and I went to counseling to address the marital issues we were having. The therapist pointed out some real, deep seeded issues my husband was having. For about 2 days after that counseling session, my husband just mopped around the house not really saying much, very introspective. It was several days later that he confided that he had issues with what the therapist said and it was difficult for him to deal with. What was my husbands’ response to all of this???? Dump this therapist and find another. I didn’t want to do that because I wanted him to face his issues and not run or hide from them but that is exactly what he did because we did switch therapists and this new guy did nothing to help the issue hence we split up later that year.

I say all that to say self reflection is very hard but very necessary.

I’ve been wrestling with the issue of getting close to people myself. I have no problem getting close to a man but when it comes to forging relationships with other women I tend to not get much deeper then the superficial thereby not allowing me to have the close, deep, relationship I want with my gal pals.

I don’t know why I am so closed off but I am working on it.

10 People saying stuff:

Vixen said...

I also have thought recently about the fact that my "close" girlfriends, some who I have known since childhood just keep it "light". We don't get really deep or confide in each other and sometimes I feel like I don't know this person I've known since childhood and keep in touch with on a regular basis. Now I just have to figure out how to grow those relationships again.

laughingattheslut said...

Well, I can't say that I've had a really close girlfriend since high school. So I feel like I've missed out on a lot of things that other women have with their girlfriends, like talking about sex. Haven't had any of those conversations that start out "Do you think it is weird" or "What would you do if" since high school.

I thought I was getting to be close with a woman that I've know for several years, but we seemed to really have a lot to talk about when her dad died about a month before mine did.

But recently I've heard her say things that make me think that not only does she not share my moral values, but she must be totally clueless as well. It's bad enough that people get weird things in their heads, but I actually overhead her and another friend planning something that is really bad morally and could seriously hurt a third friend. And after all the stuff I'm going through, I just can't believe she's serious. But if she is, I think that I'd just rather not be friends with her anymore.

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

I hope you can overcome this problem of not getting close to your gal pals. Mine are my rock, and hope you too can get that special relationship.

Hey, you're starting with us!

Sex & Moxie said...

As I've grown older, I've only forged friendships with women who were like me. No bullshit, to the point, tough. I don't have many acquaintances in my life, but I do have about 3 really close, take a bullet for me girlfriends. I couldn't live without them.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

It is hard to trust people...especially when you have been treated badly in the past!

I got burned by a lady who I thought was my best friend...and I have kept just about everybody at arm's length ever since. Let me know if you figure out a way to overcome this! I'll take any ideas I can get! :)

Princess Extraordinaire said...

Many women have issues or road blocks when forming relationships with other women..I think it's because so many women are coming froM thier ego's and therefore are competitive with others while some just genuinely want friends. I have done several workshops on this topic and have found some real solidified friendships with women I thought I never imagined I would end up being friedns with. Open yourself to someone and let them see how wonederful you are....take baby steps and you'll be on your way!

lisa q. said...

just dont't forget to focus on the good things self reflection brings with it too...whatever you do, don't forget to reflect on the fabulousness that IS you...

Kelly said...

What Lisa Q. said!

Looking inside you shouldn't be just about identifying the things you want to change, but also reflecting on what you love!

(love the new look!)

Stepping Over the Junk said...

you know what. I have been going to counseling with my chef and I am in your exhusband's issues have been brought up in our sessions and I told him that I dont want to see this therapist anymore and want to find a new one...after a difficult conversation with chef last night and reading your blog, I think I know deep down I want to stick with the one we are with. Thank you. I felt like I was reading about myself and have a better understanding of where Chef stands as well as counseling.

Coco said...

I have the same problem-
I think that one some level I just don't trust a lot of women . . .I've seen so many catty, back-stabbing women in my life, that I tend to enjoy the company of straight talking men.

Doesn't go over so well with the men's wives/girlfriends though. :(