Thursday, July 30, 2009

When Is It Safe To Show The Crazy?

I have been thinking about this the last couple of days and have not been able to come up with an answer so I thought I would bring this to you, my blog peeps.

When do you think it’s safe to show your “want to be mate” your crazy? Let’s face it people, we all have some crazy that we keep at bay most of the time. Some of us are better at it then others so you’d never think they had any crazy but I’m here to tell you my friend, we all have a little crazy going on.

Case in point, you meet a really nice guy or girl and the chemistry is off the charts and you are both enjoying each others company then after that, no call. Days go by, no call. You leave a message, it’s not returned. Now in your head, you are a little crazy. Do you let it show and if so how much? Do you call him or her 15 more times until they pick up? Do you email 121 times until they respond? Do you drive by their house until you spot their car then run up on their door and bang like you are the police? These are all things that you have thought about but how much is too much to show?

When you finally get this evading person on the phone do you act all cool like you didn’t just call them 200 times or do you go right into the crazy and hit them with a barrage of questions like, why haven’t you called? I thought we had something didn’t you? What’s wrong with me? What did I do? Am I too short, tall, light, dark, blonde, brunette…etc? I know we only had the one date but didn’t you feel IT?

I’m just asking. Doing research you know.

Monday, July 27, 2009

The View From My Window

Weddings are not what they used to be. I remember not so very long ago that when you attended a wedding you were in the same room as the bridal party. I guess things have changed my friends.

I attended a wedding this weekend that had all the makings of a beautiful event. A quaint restaurant located on a marina overlooking water and boats docked at the pier. It was lovely.

That was until we walked into the venue and realized there were no seating cards so it was a free for all in regards to where to sit. Great. I already had some trepidations about going as I was attending solo and wasn’t sure who I was going to be seated next to.

Seating fiasco averted the ceremony began and the party started marching in. Imagine my sheer shock when they marched into the room adjacent to where we were. We had to view the entire wedding through a glass window pane. Good times.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Hmmmmm...Just maybe

This guy I went out with said to me , "Is that a Kathy bag?" (i.e. Kathy Van Zeeland handbag).

Should I be worried?

Friday, July 17, 2009

I Was Guilted Into A Date

I think I am going to be a perpetual dater for the rest of my life. I've come to terms with that and I'm OK with it.

I went on a date with this guy last week. I instantly knew he was not the guy for me and I decided that after that date there would be no other. I systematically ignored his phone calls and texts. I was brilliant in the art of avoidance if I say so myself.

That was until yesterday. I was walking around Walmart picking up a few things and my phone rings. Now you all know how it is when you are caught off guard. I reached in my purse to retrieve my phone to see who it was that was calling and before it could register that it was loser guy my brain somehow told my finger to press the Talk button. There I was...stuck. I immediately screamed DAMN in my head like 50 times. No seriously, I did.

He was asking me why I never called and why I ignored his text. He asked if he did something wrong to turn me off, was it his looks that turned me off, he wanted to know. Do men really do this? How could I tell this man that I had zero interest in him, that he was butt ass ugly and he would NEVER get anywhere near my lips let alone any of my other body parts? I couldn't tell him that without hurting his feelings so I did what any self respecting coward would do, I lied. I told him that he was fine and that there was nothing wrong with him and I was just busy with work. To further drive home this lie I agreed to go out with him tonight. Yeah, I'm good.

We went to see The Hangover. Can I just say that this was the funniest movie I have seen in a very long time. I also must say that during the entire time I was watching this movie I was calculating all the ways I could violate Bradley Cooper. That man could get it all day every day and twice on Sunday. That's all I have to say about that. Wow!

You know you are on a date that is going no where when you are lusting after another guy the entire time and putting him in hundreds of compromising positions in your head over and over and over and over again.

I wonder if I can block loser guy's number without him knowing it.

Oh well, I have another date with a new guy tomorrow night. Wish me luck.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

My Personal PSA...of sorts

Hello all. I have a bit of a public service announcement to make so to speak. We all know that people are made of different shapes and sizes. That’s what makes us unique. Embrace the uniqueness that is you and be the best you can be.

With that said, I totally understand that some folks feel that a little enhancement here and there would make a world of difference to them. Possibly boost their self esteem. I’m all for that. God knows if and when I need a little something something done you best believe I’ll have my little ass on the operating table faster then you can say “Knock Me out!” I’ve said this before so it’s no secret.

My wonderful people, if you decide to go with the non surgical route of enhancement make sure you secure your shit before you hit the streets. I don’t want to be hanging out with my friends and look over and see you with half your fake booty enhancer (in Taupe) spilling out of your pants or see one boob by your knees and the other boob sitting on your throat. It’s not a cute look and I’d hate to see the embarrassed look on your face when I yell, “Girly, fix that lopsided boob of yours!” across a crowded room. I’m just saying.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Question Of The Day

If you were sent by your coworkers to purchase the pool of mega million/powerball tickets for your group and the clerk/cashier gave you one extra ticket for free because it was your birthday, would you be expected to share the winnings with the group if the free ticket was the winning ticket? Think about it.....the ticket was not purchased with the groups pool but you were given the ticket while on an errand for the group buying the tickets so what is the protocol?

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Being Single Is Not Easy

People are always bemoaning how bad they have it being married. The “ol’ ball and chain” as men call their wives. They are always complaining about how stressful it is coming home to the same woman night after night. They complain about how it’s extremely hard to stay faithful because it’s in their DNA to cheat. Women complain about how their men are never home or they cheat.

Well I’m here to tell you that being single is not all a bed of roses either my friend. We single folks have to deal with lying men that tell you they will call when they don’t. They tell you they love you just to get in your pants then drop you like a hot potato. They are married but tell you they are not. There are women that are total and complete skanks and will try to pin a baby on you when they know it’s not yours. Seen an episode of Maury lately? What about all the women that are gold diggers?

Add to the mix that we women go out with our girlfriends to a club and have to contend with some looser inevitably try and talk to us all in our personal space as if he had a secret to tell and his breath smells like week old scotch and beer combined. YUCK! Then he gets so drunk that he can’t stand up straight and falls all over you spilling your Shirley Temple all over your brand new green dress. This, my friends, happened to me this weekend and it was not pretty

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Can I have Some Consistency Please?

I'm not sure if I made this clear in previous posts but I love WalMart. Especially The "Super WalMart". I know there are some of you that hate WalMart for whatever twisted reason you have so please don't send me any hate mail. It will not sway me in the least. I pledge my undying love to WalMart in blood until the day I die.

I must say though that some of the employees leave alot to be desired. Take Runaway Boy for instance. Dude rings up the guy in front of me, bags him up and gets him on his way. My things are clearly on the conveyor belt as is the persons' behind me. This idiot turns his key in the register, takes it out and walks away. HE WALKS AWAY! Not so much as an "I'll be back in a minute" or anything. The people in line and I look at each other in disbelief. Another person seeing this jumped on the register and rung us out. Ass!

Then there are the "Greeters". Aren't they just the most cheerful bunch you've ever met? Half of the time they conveniently turn their head away as to not have to "greet" me. Like they all of a sudden remember some task they are supposed to be doing. Dude, your one and only job is to stand there and say, "Welcome to WalMart." That's it!

Then in a instant that same "greeter" turns into "RoboGreeter". I took one of the motorized carts out to the curbside one day to put my mother in so she could ride around the store because she can not all. I get out the door and to the curb and RoboGreeter runs out (the same one who did not "greet" me upon my first entrance into the store) and yells, "You can't take the cart outside the store!" I said, "Whoa...hold on Hoss. I'm putting my mother into the cart." He looks at me holding onto my mothers arm and turns around and walks back into the store. Idiot.

Even with all their "delightful"employees, I still love me some WalMart. God help me.