Tuesday, July 31, 2007

I Need Strength to Not Cuss Your Ass Out!

Ok, so my Vegas trip is next weekend with a couple of my friends. It’s gonna be an awesome 4 days and you better not ask me what happened!!! You know what they say about Vegas! HAHHAHA!

Anyway, I found out that a woman I used to be pretty close with will be joining us on this trip. She and I used to hang out all of the time going shopping, dinner, movies, parties, all kinds of places. I hadn’t spoken to this bitch in like 3 years.

She moved from Maryland to Detroit for a job almost six years ago. Great. Well she decided to give herself a going away dinner when she left. I opted not to attend this soiree because I was a little upset with her.

You see I live in Baltimore City and she lived in Upper Marlboro MD. For those of you who are not familiar with Maryland geography, Upper Marlboro is a suburb of DC so we were like an hour away from each other. No problem. When we hung out it was always down in the DC area. I could never get her to come up to Baltimore to hang out at all. I was always going down there to see her but she never reciprocated. I had lived in my apartment for 4 years at that point and she never once stepped foot into my apartment. She could not tell you what kind of furniture I had, were my kitchen was, whether or not I had a balcony…..NOTHING.

I started thinking about things and brought this to her attention and this bitch had the nerve to tell me, “Well I come up there to see my family and it gets tough to go back and forth like that.” Are you freaking kidding me?

So I said to myself ‘Fuck you’, I’m not going to extend myself one more time for this chick when she has never done so for me in our entire friendship and opted out of her little dinner.

Well she feels the world revolves around her and copped a major attitude with me because I didn’t show up and hasn’t spoken to me since. Whatever. I could really care less to be honest with you.

Now this bitch wants to show up to our weekend. I just hope God gives me the strength to resist cussing her ass out for being a selfish, egotistical bitch.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

The "Old Fashioned" Card

I was perusing the blogoshere and happened upon a particular blog of this rather "adventurous" woman. To say that this woman is pretty free with the booty is an understatement.

Every blog post is about who she's sexing and what she wants them to do with their lips, tongues and fingers on various areas of her body and all this kind of stuff. Now, in her latest post she makes mention of wanting to open a strip club. Okkkaaaayyy....

This woman is really out there, into some really freaky stuff and writes about every sordid detail. That's fine.....to each his own.

She recently lamented how she's been on 4 dates and the men did not pay for her meal or drinks. HELLOOOO!!! Then she had the audacity to ask is this the norm?

Uuuhhhhhh...hell no it's not the norm. It's all about what you put out there to people. The men I date definitely pay on our date. Don't get me wrong, I will pay for dates on occasion, I have no problem with that every now and again.

She was questioning whether she should tell these guys right up front that she is an "old fashioned" girl and feel they should pay for most of these dates.

Uuuuuummmm.....what about you says "old fashioned"? Maybe when your nasty ass is at the swingers club getting eaten out by men and women.? Hmmmm...Maybe when you're freaky ass is talking about your bi-sexuality or some dude fucking you up your ass or using butt plugs and nipple clamps?

Oh yes, this just screams " good old fashioned girl". Get the fuck outta here with that madness girl.

I get so tired when nasty, freaky bitches want to play the "I'm old fashioned" card when they want some dude to spend money on them.

Get outta here with that shit....FREAK!

Ok.....END RANT.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Kids Say The Darndest Things

I'm going to start a petition to have children equipped with an on/off switch at birth!

LovelyNeice: "Aunt Diva?"

Me: "Yes honey."

LovelyNeice: "You should have a baby."

Me: Looking real dazed and confused....... "Uuuhhhh....why do you say that?"

LovelyNeice: "So you can have someone to take care of you when you get old."

God love her.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Lame Ass Dude at The Club

Ok so my girls and I decided to go out and kick up our heels and have a great girls night. We were looking good and smelling good. Ready to dance and flirt the entire evening.

We walk into the club ready for whatever the night had in store for us when our eyes immediately become fixated on some flailing type movement going on on the dance floor. After closer examination we discover that there is a guy with thick black rimmed glasses with a black, sleeveless mesh muscle shirt on and purple high waters and black converses! A serious throwback to the 80's. WTH!!

I blinked my eyes because I couldn't believe this fool had the audacity to walk out of the house with that mess on.

On the dance floor he did this high jump move then stuck his leg out and slowly brought his leg back in. Then I noticed he had a small black comb in his hand and I shit you not, this fool stopped cold, snapped his arms straight out and then slowly brought his right hand with the comb to his head and started combing his hair! Right there in the middle of the dance floor. You have got to be shitting me! This guy has lost his mind.

My girl Laurie watching all this stumbled backward laughing so hard that she almost fell onto the floor. Luckily I managed to reach around and grab her before she hit the ground but she did manage to break the heel on her shoe in the process.

We finally pull it together enough to find a table and proceed to sit down. I always knew I was a geek magnet but why when I was having a laugh fest at dumb asses expense with my girls did this fool walk up behind me and tap my shoulder just as I was about to take a sip of my drink. When I turned around and saw him standing there my glass went flying into Melissa's lap.

"Hey pretty lady, sorry I startled you. I just wanted to ask you to dance."

I look at him, then at my girls, then at him again then I ask him, "Are you serious?"

He looks at me then lowers his head and says, "I guess not." and walks off to stalk some poor unsuspecting woman.

Why me...whe me?

Monday, July 23, 2007

My Perfect Day

Here in the Baltimore area, the weather was SPECTACULAR this past weekend! Absolutely beautiful. Mr. Construction and I decided to have a little picnic in the park. I went to the store and gathered all of the materials we would need. Brought them home and arranged them nicely in a basket. Mr. Construction arrived and we were on our way.

We found the most perfect spot for a picnic and set up camp there. I was charged with bringing the music and cd player as well so we had some awesome music.

The whole experience was wonderful. We connected on a level we hadn’t up to that point.

I’ve come to realize that he is a very cautious guy. He is slow and meticulous and takes his time as not to get hurt. I can understand and respect that. Let me tell you though that the way this man looks at me, the way he kisses me and the way he touches me tells me far more then his words ever could.

He is falling for me and he is trying really hard to slow it down but he can not. He constantly tells me he really likes me. He asks me numerous relationship questions trying gauge how I conduct myself and react to my partner when I’m in a relationship. He tells me all the time how he wants to spend so much more time with me. He even asked me last night if I would like to meet his family one of these days of course after telling me once again how much he enjoyed our time together at the picnic.

Yep….this guy has been bitten. No denying that. I’m just sitting back and enjoying this.

The Manager is still around but I’m not sure for how long. Even though Mr. Construction and I are getting closer, The Manager just doesn’t seem to be in a place right now in his life where he can devote time to a relationship. I see that so clearly now. I am thinking I need to let him go really soon.

I’m leery about that because I have had many “false starts”. You all know what I mean…..things are wonderfully delicious in the beginning of a budding relationship. You both are bringing your best representative to the party and you start to think this could be the one then 4 months later you are let down and disappointed when the “real” person decides to show up.

The Analyst still calls. He got a new job which I am really glad for him. His previous job really took him for a loop which was a huge problem between us. I hope he finds happiness soon.

I’m not sure where this ride will lead me too but I will just sit back and enjoy it.


The damn toilet paper in the ladies room is so hard my ass is chaffed!!! OUCH!

Friday, July 20, 2007

My friends and I are so different

We all some how forge friendships with people that are most like us...people we have things in common with. A kinship of sorts. The more we are alike the closer the bond tends to be.

Well, will someone please tell me why I am nothing like my current friends nor do I have anything in common with them. I often sit back and wonder why I am friends with these people and how we established these relationships in the first place.

All of my current friends are ones that I've have for many, many, many years. Sure, I think perhaps we had much in common when we were young but not so much now.

We have grown in many different ways and our interests go off in many different directions.

Coming to this realization is both liberating and frightening. I think I choose to keep these friends out of obligation maybe. Afterall, we all have been friends since we were kids.

If I decide to end this charade and move on I will be alone and lonley and the thought of that is more then I care to bear and it keeps me hanging on to these friendships.

I'm not sure what my future will hold.

Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind I feel that my strong desire to move out of Maryland will allow me to start fresh and develop new relationships and leave these people behind without the guilt that just dropping them would cause.

Maybe I'm just too cool for them. LOL

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The Kisser from Hell

A few years back I was dating a gentleman we’ll call “Bobbie”. Well Bobbie was a wonderful guy. He was attentive, kind, generous, a real gentleman. In a nutshell he was a great guy.

When I first met him I thought he was really nice but he wasn’t my type physically. Basically he was of average looks, maybe even below average but he was such a great guy that I thought I would give him a chance and see where things could develop to.

A little something about me…..I am a kisser. I love to kiss. Hands down. If a guy does not like to kiss then chances are he and I will not be together for very long. Bobbie liked to kiss but the problem was his skill level/technique. To make it plain….he was HORRIBLE!!!

I like soft, sensual kisses at first then work into an intense deep kiss with a little tongue but at a minimum. Just lightly dancing with my tongue then a slight graze of the upper and lower lips ever so gently. Well Bobbie was ALL tongue! It was terrible. I felt like I was going to suffocate every time he tried to kiss me.

His tongue would just invade my mouth and jam itself down my throat. It was not romantic people. I would try to back up a little to give him a hint that he needs to back off just a tad but that damn tongue just kept coming at me. I had to make him stop one time so that I could catch my breath.

I even showed him once how I like to be kissed and told him this is what I like but to no avail. That spear like thing just kept ramming itself down my throat.

Needless to say Bobbie didn’t stick around for too long. LOL

Monday, July 16, 2007

How embarrassing!

We are having a baby picture contest here at work. We are all charged with bringing in baby pictures of ourselves and everyone is trying to guess who the baby is. It's all cute and fun.

Well Linda brings in a picture and it gets tacked to the board with the others. Linda, myself and Alice are all standing in front of the board just perusing the pictures and trying to figure out who is who.

Well I figured out which picture is Alice and which one was Linda so I'm just standing there looking at the rest of them and talking to both of the ladies when all of a sudden Alice spots Linda's picture. Now mind you, Alice has no idea this picture is of Linda. Alice proceeds to give her comments on the picture.

Alice, "Now look at this picture. I can't tell if its a boy or girl. And that yellow outfit with the yellowish background is not that flattering for that skin tone. What would make the parents dress that kind in that?"

All this time Linda is just laughing her ass off because she knows this is her picture and Alice has no idea that it's her she is talking all this trash about.

Now I had just just turn around as fast as I could and bolt because I was watching all this and was about to lose it! As I was scrurrying down the hall to leave for the day I am just laughing my ass off because Alice put her foot so far in her mouth she'll need to have it surgically removed!

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

I need a What????

Ok…..I had been having problems with my heat pump as of late. The damn thing has been leaking water all over the freaking place! The powder room, the hallway and the laundry room. I need a damn canoe!

So I decide it’s time to call a professional out to see what the problem was before I start seeing fish swim by in my living room. I call one place:

Me: “Hi yes, I am having problems with my heat pump leaking water everywhere. How much is your service call?”

Dumb Ass: “ It’s going to be $79 for the visit and an additional $50 every 15 mins the technician is there.”

Me: “Get the hell outta here. Are you serious?”

Dumb Ass: “Yes Ma….”


I then proceed to call another heating and air condition place:

Me: “Hi yes, I am having problems with my heat pump leaking water everywhere. How much is your service call?”

Clueless: “It’s going to be $125 for the visit then $79 for every half hour the guy is there.”

Me: “Is he going to cook me lunch, clean my house and wash my car afterwards?”

Clueless: “Excuse me Ma'am.”


I finally found a repair place that actually was pretty reasonable. The guy comes over and begins his work. He looks at me then at the heat pump then back at me and asks: “Where is the filter?”

Me: “The what?” Looking dumbfounded

Repair Guy: “The filter that goes into the unit. It’s missing.”

Me: “Uuhhhh…a filter goes in that thing?” Shrugging my shoulders.

Repair Guy: Heavy Sigh “Oh boy.” I swear I saw him rolling his eyes.

Monday, July 9, 2007

My Life Dating

I am having a rather interesting time dating these days since my break up with The Analyst. I am not in a relationship with anyone at this time but I do find myself attracted to and dating two different men. They are both extremely handsome….especially The Manager. He is too sexy for words. Mr. Construction has a body to die for and extremely handsome as well.

I don’t know where any of this is going. Not sure if a relationship will ensue from either of these men but I’m having a great time dating them both until something concrete materializes at which point I will have to say good bye to one of them as I can’t be in a relationship with someone and see other people. That is a definite no no.

Neither of these guys knows of each other basically because there is no need for that. I’m not sure if they are seeing other people right now or not themselves. The Manager tells me he’s not but I’m not quite sure.

I think I am starting to have stronger feelings for The Manager then Mr. Construction. It seems that every time I’m with Mr. Construction I am constantly thinking of The Manager. Hmmmmmm……..

I didn’t hear from The Manager yesterday or this morning thus far which is VERY unusual. He’s been having problems with his cell phone so I am hoping that maybe it’s broken or lost or something like that. I’m not going to push the panic button quite yet.

I really do like him but we’ll see how it goes. I like Mr. Construction but this weekend I saw some character traits that I’m not sure I like very much. He orders before me. That may sound silly but I am use to men allowing me to place my order first at a restaurant. He just went ahead and ordered. I was shocked. While at my house last night he left the movie ticket stubs on my floor! I know he saw those stubs because they were next to his hat and when he went to grab his hat to leave he just left those stubs on the floor. UGH!!! That irked me. Am I making to big a deal of all this? I don’t know.

I really hope to hear from The Manager today. I really miss him actually.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

You are just nasty!!!!

You know what really gets my goat? (What the hell does that expression mean anyway? LOL) I really hate it when people use the bathroom…..do their business and DO NOT WASH THEIR HANDS!!

That is some nastiness right there. If you reading this post are guilty of such an act then take heed….WASH YOUR NASTY HANDS!!! These are the first people to volunteer to cook something and bring it to a function and expect people to eat that shit.

Do you realize the amount of germs that are on your hands after going to the bathroom!!!??? EEEIIIIWWWW!!! Then you wanna cook food for people. You have truly lost your mind.

Another thing that grosses me out are people that pick their nose. I don’t mean a slight graze of the nasal area…I’m talking full on digging for gold here! Then they wanna shake hands!! NNNOOOOOOO!!!!!! I was on a commuter train one day going from Washington DC to Baltimore when I witness such a digging expedition. I was so grossed out that I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit. EEEIIIIWWWW!

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

I've been tagged!!

I’ve been tagged by Not faint Hearted! LOL. So, here goes.
* * * * * * *
I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.

1. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

2. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.

3. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Here are the 8 random bits of goodness:

1. I secretly always wanted to be a singer and actress in Hollywood. I never told anyone that for fear they’d laugh me out of town. I’d have the singer thing down pat if it wasn’t for one thing……I CANT SING.

2. I do not know all the words to any song. As sad as that is I could not sing you an entire song because I don’t know all the words to any….well except one song….The Greatest Love Of All which we sung at our 6th grade graduation. lol

3. Although I was born in New Jersey I was raised here in Baltimore all my life. Even though I’ve been in Baltimore all my life people still pick up on the slight New Jersey accent when I talk..

4. My father used to call me Rabbit because I use to run really fast when I was a kid.

5. Bebe is my all time favorite clothing store.

6. I used to loan money to people but would never ask for it back. I would feel weird asking for it back. Isn’t that stupid?

7. I am a hopeless, pathetic romantic. Even when I get my heart crushed into a million pieces I still put it out there. Yeah, I’m a glutton for punishment I know. lol

8. I don’t like cooking. I’d rather make a sandwich or go out to eat then cook.

Ok, I’m going to tag: LisaQ, Laughing At The Slut, Poker Girl, Adventures of a Single Guy, Queen of Mayhem, .Throw Away Blog, Write For Life, Comedienne's Sidekick

Monday, July 2, 2007

I am so sick of homewreckers!!!

I was IM'ing with an online buddy the other day when he told me something that pissed me off. It had nothing to do with me but it pissed me off nonetheless. He is married. He loves his wife. He has several female online buddies. It’s perfectly innocent…nothing wrong with any of this thus far.

Well apparently, one such online buddy is having problems in her marriage and she takes it upon herself to proposition my male buddy. I was totally in shock. Apparently, she wants to experience all the things (Sexually) that she is missing in her current marriage.

I’m thinking to myself, “Bitch!!!! How dare you!” If you have no respect for your own marriage then that’s up to you but how dare you disrespect another couple’s marriage. HOW DARE YOU!!!

Ok…I’m going to go sit in the corner now. I can’t help it. That shit just pissed me off!!

Take your horny, homewrecking ass somewhere else!!

Ok…I’m off to my corner now.