Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The Kisser from Hell

A few years back I was dating a gentleman we’ll call “Bobbie”. Well Bobbie was a wonderful guy. He was attentive, kind, generous, a real gentleman. In a nutshell he was a great guy.

When I first met him I thought he was really nice but he wasn’t my type physically. Basically he was of average looks, maybe even below average but he was such a great guy that I thought I would give him a chance and see where things could develop to.

A little something about me…..I am a kisser. I love to kiss. Hands down. If a guy does not like to kiss then chances are he and I will not be together for very long. Bobbie liked to kiss but the problem was his skill level/technique. To make it plain….he was HORRIBLE!!!

I like soft, sensual kisses at first then work into an intense deep kiss with a little tongue but at a minimum. Just lightly dancing with my tongue then a slight graze of the upper and lower lips ever so gently. Well Bobbie was ALL tongue! It was terrible. I felt like I was going to suffocate every time he tried to kiss me.

His tongue would just invade my mouth and jam itself down my throat. It was not romantic people. I would try to back up a little to give him a hint that he needs to back off just a tad but that damn tongue just kept coming at me. I had to make him stop one time so that I could catch my breath.

I even showed him once how I like to be kissed and told him this is what I like but to no avail. That spear like thing just kept ramming itself down my throat.

Needless to say Bobbie didn’t stick around for too long. LOL

19 People saying stuff:

Princess Extraordinaire said...

Well..you know how I feel about bad kissers....unfortunately I have had a few frogs in my life......

Sizzle said...

see if you give them instruction and still they don't come around, you have to move on. kissing is essential to a good relationship!

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

Eeew, can stay his tongue flicking the back of my throat as we speak! I had a teeth gnasher once. crunching of teeth, ick!

not fainthearted said...

also annoying? The Moaner. All the time. Every Time.

Queen of Dysfunction said...

Egads! That's just awful, it's a kiss not an invading army people!

Sheletha said...

UHHHH...THE BAD PART IS: I UNDERSTAND.

Catherinette Singleton said...

Bad kissers should be whipped. I dated one guy who did lizard kisses. Ugh, it was atrocious.

tAnYeTTa said...

kudos to you for TRYING TO TEACH him. i feel if you take the time to teach someone and or show them what you truly enjoy and they just disregard it then they have to go. plain and simple. did his breff stank too??????? LOL

Erica AP said...

I just went out with a guy who kissed good most of the time but when he kissed hard it felt like he was giving my lip a hicky!! Um - painful and not sexy. Haha... Where do they learn these things??

Bklyn Diva said...

yuck.. YOU CAN'T KISS YOU CAN'T BE WITH ME AT ALL!!!!


by the way YOU'VE BEEN TAGGED

Shai said...

I LOVE a good kisser. If a man cannot kiss well, then I know that's it for him. LOL.

Sad Bobbie was not a good student. For some don't get it or are too prideful to learn. LOL.

lisa q. said...

ewww...there is just nothing worse...how in god's name do they think that turns anyone on? has it worked before? i just do not understand!

MsRebecca said...

Not mentioning any names as to not hurt his feelings but have you ever experienced a kiss with someone that thought they were supposed to suck your lips into their mouth.. I mean completely engulf your entire mouth with they're big ass soup-cooloers..I gagged.. uggghhh..Glad he didn't try any tongue action, I would have bitten the damn thing off..

Freckle Face Girl said...

I dated one horrible kisser too. His problem wasn't his tongue. He tightened his lips so much that it was like kissing a wall. As you can guess, that didn't last long.

JustMeWriting said...

LOL... dag, that was funny. I know it must have been a blow for him to know you didn't like how he kissed...LOL.

Now, I've never had a problem kissing...I LOVE it, but this one guy I dated actually said..."I need to TEACH you how to kiss ME." Girl, I started to gouge his eyes out for saying such a thing, but then I thought about how different we all are...what's good for the goose type of thing.

This man was obviously not into the way I kissed him (but he was on crack...lol-not literally)I had to realize that it wasn't that I didn't know how to kiss...but he just liked something else, so I had to readjust, before I cut him...hahaha!

KIKI said...

I feel your pain! I had a guy that was a combination of your "Bobbie" & msrebeccas guy...tongue being shoved down my throat while trying to engulf my whole damn head at the same time...EEEEWWWWW...kissing him made me feel like I was being violated by a labador retriever!LOL

laughingattheslut said...

I've had a tongue invade my space in just about every way possible. Down my throat, on my eyelids, in my ear....

Cece said...

Bad kissers suck! Nothing like a great kissin' man, huh?

Stepping Over the Junk said...

My exhusband had this horrible way of having spit pool in his mouth and then it ended up in mine, it was SO gross. Kissing is VERY important...jiving in kissing is critical!