Monday, December 8, 2008

Men Have A Hard Time Letting Go Too

As many of you know, The Analyst and I have been over for a little while now. I have been working hard to distance myself from him. Making sure he understands that we are done, all without coming across as a cold, calculating, unfeeling bitch.

I have told him many times that I have moved on. Things between us are damaged beyond repair. Even though I’ve told him these things I don’t think I have made myself very clear.

He came this weekend to pick up a few things from my house. I want him to take everything but he whines about not having enough room for everything and asks if he could leave the rest until he can figure out his next move. I relented and agreed but I am not very happy about this decision at all.

He made a statement to me while picking up his things that “we are going to be married before you know it.” I simply looked at him and said “You think so huh?”

What’s more disturbing is that he went on to make another statement when I asked for my keys back, “No! I don’t want to. We’re not done yet.”

He honestly believes that we will somehow find our way back together again someday. I could have insisted upon the return of my keys but looking at him I realized he was simply not ready. Not ready to let go. Not ready to move on. At that point I didn’t push the issue any further. I figure in time, when he’s ready. He’ll come to understand the finality of this situation and be more willing to let go of those keys.

As for now, he needs to still hold on and I’m not sure if I am hurting him more by being understanding and patient or if I should be the bitch I can be which would prove to crush him in the end. I’m at a total loss right now.

Ending a relationship is not always as cut and dry as we’d like.

Who knew men had a hard time letting go too?


38 People saying stuff:

Not Fainthearted said...

The big secret is that men are just little boys. Wired a little differently than us girls but still wanting to have people like them and be loved.

Hi! btw.

Lys said...

I sometimes just don't understand men. However, what concerns me is the need to "hold on" and the "key". If you are comfy with it for now, then you gotta do what you gotta do. I know when I went through the situation for the final time with my ex fiancee, I just changed the locks. Enough was enough I said.

Good luck!

Fabulously Broke said...

You may just need to bandaid this. Rip it off in one quick motion. He seriously needs to move on and if he thinks there's still a chance.. do what Lys did. Change the locks.

Jeni said...

Changing the locks sounds, to me, like a good and very reasonable solution. Especially if he is still very adamant in his belief things will be patched up and you will be married before you know it. (That would kind of scare me.)

Queen-Size funny bone said...

I hope he does not take your kindness as a mixed signal. Men are good for that.

1/3 said...

I think you should have pushed for your keys back. It makes it hard for you to move on. breaking up esp when the both of you are in love is never as simple as it should be.

Men are more emotional then they let on to be..

CarmenSinCity said...

I probably would have been a bitch and told him I wanted my keys back, but then again, I'm really easy at being a bitch. Just like you said, everything is not always cut and dry.

Days like These! said...

Awwwwwww...poor guy. I would change the locks and get ALL OF HIS STUFF OUT MY HOUSE stat!

Just to make a point that you are dead serious about moving on.

HE's right to a fault, you never know what the future might hold but, for right now, he must accept that it's OVER.

Smilf said...

Oh man, that is a hard situation. I've been in this spot before and I am pretty sure that eventually I just had to be harsh and candid and say what I thought because some men just.don't.get.it. GOod luck!!

Suze said...

It's not so cut and dry. You should, though, pick a date or get a general idea of when "enough is enough". I don't want to see you get hurt.

Moe Wanchuk said...

Here's what you do.

Tell him he can think what he wants, but in the meantime, you've got a Great Booty call with Kevin Garnett.

Trust me, that'll do the trick.

Karyn Beach said...

Why Kevin Garnett, I'd use Dwayne Wade!

I broke up with my ex-boyfriend practically five years ago and he STILL sometimes thinks that we'll get back together.

Change the locks.

OHmommy said...

Oh men.

I would say enough is enough, point blank. I would change the locks. It might be a fun experiment.

Daddy's Girl said...

Hi just happened to be passing by your blog and thought it was cool. To speak on your blog, if I may, I suggest cutting things off and quickly as possible with him because your acts of kindness could be taken for granted, and or causing mixed signals. I'd also let him know that he could keep the keys because you are changing the locks. I don't know the depth of your relationship with this guy and I understand wanting to end on not so harsh terms but you gotta let him get over it on his own without contact or a connection to you. He'll be ok, he's a big boy. Hope you don't mind if I blog roll you. Thanks check me out sometime, www.therealjspot.com and therealjspot.wordpress.com

Karen said...

Guys are just like women in a lot of ways.

Ann(ie) said...

That would be hard. You're just a kind soul, girl and it's never easy to see someone hurting. while I think it's really nice to store his stuff for a little while, definitely insist on your keys back. Or like your wise pals have said change the locks. xo.

shorty said...

Change the locks....you don't want him quietly coming in the house while you are "entertaining" another person.

If for no other reason, peace of mind to have your personal space back.

I think you've been kind and gentle to him long enough, and he knows how to manipulate you, say the right things to keep in your life. Guys are good at that too.

Good Luck. Take care of yourself first.

dmarks said...

"He made a statement to me while picking up his things that “we are going to be married before you know it.”"

That sounds a little scary. He really has no clue, does he? Maybe put all his stuff in the lawn. Every bit of it. Change the locks. Then lock all doors and windows and leave a while. Call him to come get his stuff.

Change the locks regardless, ASAP. If at this point you don't want him coming into your house except under certain limited situations, there's no reason he should be able to.

moooooog35 said...

Man...brings back the good 'ol days when I, too, had a stalker.

Good times. Good times.

TravelDiva said...

Been there. The clothes at the house are a trap! Just an excuse to get back in. LOL. Well, a lot of times men have a hard time accepting that you've moved on. It's unbelievable to them that you could be over them. They think they are truly irreplaceable.

TravelDiva said...

And I agree with everyone else. Change the locks. You don't want a pop in.

Joe said...

Wow, that's rough.

It strikes me that he's putting out feelers and that anything less than a "no" is a "maybe" to him. Sometimes it's best to just rip off the proverbial band aid.

Trixie said...

I find some men can't let go...till they've found someone else to move on to.

Darius T. Williams said...

Ya know - you're right...men do have a hard time letting go - some men. I lets go with the quickness!

Days like These! said...

That's what you get for putting the good good on that man! LOL

Let me stop. ;)

LaiLani Ali said...

Um yeah... boys hold on to girls TIGHTLY when it's the girl letting go. It's the same old story- you always want what you can't have.

lisaq said...

Girl, you're going to have to find your inner bitch and instigate a no contact rule or he will continue on and on and on. It's the only way he's going to get it. If you continue being nice and having contact with him, he's going to continue to think there's a chance.

Sandi McBride said...

For Christmas, rent him a storage unit, put all his crap inside and send him the "title" so he knows when his own payment for it will be due. And you want me to go get your keys? I think I can still squeeze into my uniform and I just polished the old Sam Brown the other day...course I might have to go to the toy store to buy a badge...they took mine when I retired...damn them...they knew I might need it! Sighhh...seriously...GET THOSE KEYS!!!
hugs
Sandi
oh, congrats on Post of the Day girl!

Sandi McBride said...

Gee, duh...locksmith for yourself for Christmas...I'm so dense...good thing I retired...
Sandi

Lee said...

Seems like it's almost unanimous! You should change the locks or get the keys. It's a privacy issue. How mad would you be if he walked in unannounced someday? Or if he came when you weren't there?

Congratulations on making David's list!

Peace!
Lee

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

we do? it is cut and dry - like bye bye lol

Craze said...

Girl, I can totally relate to this post. It's not easy nor fun breaking up but I think you have to be tough and very clear with him. He's obviously not getting it.

laughingattheslut said...

That guy is never going to come get all of his stuff, and you're going to end up on Judge Judy.

At this point it might not be a matter of getting that key back or changing the locks. To really feel safe, you'd just have to change the locks anyway. He knows that you want the key back, so maybe he'll just go and make a copy that you don't know about. You can copy keys at any Walmart or Home Depot or maybe an auto part store, and unless it's a fancy car key with the computer chip, it would only cost two dollars. So it would be safer to change the locks anyway, if you have the money.

And, if you have some extra money, you can get rid of his stuff like next week. Tell him to come and get his stuff on a certain day, and on that day have a friend over. I don't mean be with another guy and rub it in his face, I just mean don't be in the house alone with him. And buy a lock with a couple of keys, the kind that you put on storage lockers. And when he comes to get his stuff, tell him which stuff to take out first, big stuff first like if he's left any furniture there. And tell him anything that he doesn't take with him that day will be put into storage, and he'll just have to pay you back for the storage fees later, and give him one of the keys. He should get the message then, but if he doesn't you go and get a storage space and put his contact information on it and pay for the first month. If you're really a nice person, you might even pay for three months or so. He has no excuse not to get the stuff for three months, and after you give him the key of the lock you're going to use and call him back with the location and number of the storage space, it's his responsibility to go and get it, and he'll have the key and everything so you don't have to deal with it. If he doesn't clear out his stuff before the rent on the storage space is up, they will put another lock on it and charge him extra money to get his stuff out. If he doesn't pay the extra money and back rent and so forth after another month or two they will try to auction his stuff or just throw it away if no one else wants to pay for it.

At that point he will owe you for storage fees, which he will probably never repay you for, but if you have the extra money it would be better than having to deal with him with him indefinitely.

CC said...

I'm not surprised at all. I believe (some may be angry) that men are not as emotinally strong as women. Not to say we are as tough as nails but you'd be surprised...

brookem said...

sigh, this is a tough one.
it's hard to know whether just to end it, rip it off like a bandaid, or let the ending linger.
maybe a part of you is holding on a spec too?

imbeingheldhostage said...

It's a scary world to do cut and dry anymore. Maybe you should just try to be less appealing so that he thinks HE's the one leaving?

SSC~ The Domestic Diva said...

In a perfect world would you want him back?

Do you think he means what he says. Or do you think those statements were made as a safety net in case he needs to come back and live with you because he knows you will let him if he thinks you think it is fate?

MysTery said...

Girl I would have gotten those keys!! lol