Monday, February 9, 2009

Second Time Around

How many of you have given an ex a second chance? Even after years of separation. Usually I don’t. There has only been two occasions where an ex has gotten a second chance with me only to end up back to where we were originally.

I ask this because recently an ex from a little over two years ago has gotten back in touch with me after all this time. I’m kinda on the fence about him.

We broke up because he was never around when I wanted him to be and I began to feel he had someone else. I told him this during our conversation last night and he assured me that was not the case but of course you know me, I am always suspicious.

I am not sure if I can trust him or not. We had a cool thing going on in the past but I’m not sure it’s enough. I wonder why he thinks things would be different this time around.

Maybe I’ll just ride the waves slowly and see where this lands me. Maybe not. Hell I don’t know.


29 People saying stuff:

Joe said...

Time has a way of making us forget the bad and recall only the good. In my experience, going back only serves to remind you both why things ended in the first place.

But yeah, that whole thing where people "disappear" or put their friends and others before the relationship. That's rough and isn't a good sign at all.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

i cannot monewalk - especially with relationships

Princess Extraordinaire said...

I've given an ex a second chance and then been quickly reminded of why he's an *ex*

Tracy said...

Hello Diva,

I come out of de-lurking to comment on this one because I have recently gone through it! I have an ex that I was with for four years, and we were even engaged. We broke up becuase he had a lack of motivation and there was suspicion of cheating and just overall trust issues. So, I ended it, but in my heart I never stopped loving him and I missed him. He continued to contact me periodically but I kept him at a safe distance. Well, after about a year and a half, he'd made many positive changes and I decided to give it another go. Well, it was about 4 months of bliss and then things began to feel all too familiar and I truly remembered why I'd left in the beginning. So, needless to say, I broke it off for the final time. I will say though that I am happy that I gave it a second chance because I knew I still loved him but now I know that sometimes you have to love them from a far and move on with your life and that is exactly what I am now able to do with no regrets. So, good luck to you. Take Care, Tracy

B said...

I say he's an ex for a reason!

Queen-Size funny bone said...

Beware, proceed with caution and be prepared.

~nOe~ said...

there are reasons why exes are exes... but sometimes, very few, the time spent apart change you and you can see things in a different way now and your vision/approach in life is different.

So@24 said...

I always like to give people second chances. Why deny yourself of something that could be potentially great?

Just be weary of the signs; and if you want to know what will be different this time around? Ask him

Del-V said...

It can't hurt... give it a try.

catscratch said...

My ex was my ex multiple times until the grand finale. I don't disregard that it can possibly work out, after the first break up.

I'd advise not to go any further than that...

OC said...

Only you know if it's really worth it. I've done it before and it was good because I was able to walk away knowing that I truly tried and it just wasn't going to work, no matter how many times we went down that path.

I know some people that do change, do grow up, and it does work. If you think there's a chance, I say go for it. But leave the rose-colored glasses behind.

Melissa said...

I have to say I've done this, let an ex come back into my life for them to become an ex again. Just follow your heart, but listen to your brain and gut too!

Karen said...

My best friend gave her married her husband after giving him a second chance. I think it is a matter of the two people and the situation.

Suze said...

My husband and I dated before and went our separate ways. We reconnected a few years later and voila - celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary. A second chance never hurts!

Renaissance Woman said...

I have felt the same way for a long time. I think that trust is a big issue...and if you believe that you can trust him then maybe there is hope. I have no answers...but can't wait to hear what you decide.

SSC~ The Domestic Diva said...

You broke up because he was never around when you wanted him to be. That is a red flag. Seriously is it worth it. I think you are better off friends than trying to be lovers.

But as my friends say to me who don't understand my current relationship: "If your liking it I'm lovin it!"

shorty said...

everybody seems to think it has to do with him. If you're the one who broke up with him, you are the only one who saw anykind of problem. Chances might be that whatever he was going thru when you dated is now out of his system and he realizes he had a good thing. People grow and change daily and go thru life experiences that wake them up.

Go out on a date and get to talk face to face. Go with the gut. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Good Luck

lisaq said...

I did once and it was a very bad decision. Then again, it was a very different situation. Just be cautious and watch for red flags girl.

dmarks said...

What Queen-Size funny bone said. It sounds like you are being very cautious.

Rachel said...

I've broken up with my current boyfriend a bunch of times over the past eight or nine years, but I was madly in love with him from the beginning, if that makes any sense.

CarmenSinCity said...

Can't wait to see where this goes - good luck!!

Organized Noise said...

I have taken an ex back once and it just didn't work out. Sometimes people come into your life for a reason, season or a lifetime. We just have to accept it and move on. I'm not saying I wouldn't take another ex back, but I'd be very weary of it.

searchingwithin said...

I hear all the time where people and experts say that they are an ex for a reason, to shut the door, and never look back.

I have to disagree with this, in some cases. As Tracy stated, sometimes it still is not going to work out, but you now are able to accept that, and have the closure, which apparently you never had, or you wouldn't even consider it at all.

Sometimes the timing is all wrong.

Best wishes, and take it slow. Get to know this guy, as you both are now.

PurpleMusicGirlWrites said...

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Purplemusicgirlwrites

laughingattheslut said...

I was like Suze, only after sixteen years, it got ugly. I should have thrown him out and made him stay out three years ago, but with the way things are now I can't do that.

I had another boyfriend in high school, and we broke up, don't remember exactly why, probably something unimportant like a rumor about another girl. After more than a year went by we got back together and after several months of what I thought was a serious relationship, I had to break it off again. He had to know where I was every minute of the day, and it was starting to scare me. I didn't really even know about stalkers and such at the time, I just had a bad feeling about it.
So I've been in the unusual situation of taking an ex back and not breaking up over the same old stuff but maybe something more serious. I think with everyone else if you take the ex back the original problem comes back as well and he usually goes back to being the ex.

Ann(ie) said...

That's a tough one. It's never gone well for me, the old problems always seem to crop back up, but maybe he's matured??? Learned the errors of his ways?

TravelDiva said...

Go with your gut....

Eb the Celeb said...

Does is count if you guts werent exclusive and you just gave the guy another chance to get closer?

I've done that a couple times..

but in a relationship I've only done it once.

brookem said...

ive done the second chance thing too. im the type that if i DIDN'T do it, id always wonder. while it didn't work out, and it was because of the same reasons as the first time around, im still glad i gave it another go.

but, only you will know what's right. if you do decide to go in for round to, just protect your heart, hold it close, and make sure you get what you want out of it.