Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Ask Tee

Another Installment of Ask Tee.

Letter #1

Dear Tee,

My husband was hurt in a fall and although we live together we no longer have an emotional or sexual relationship of any kind. I do feel obligated to take care of him but do these circumstances justify me looking elsewhere for love and sex?

Starved for affection

My Answer:

Dear Starved for Affection

I think you should have a heart to heart talk with your husband. Let him know exactly how you feel about the situation. I'm not sure of the extent of his injuries or his situation but if he is unable to perform sexually that is no reason he can not find other ways to fulfill you. As a married couple, we must have the connection that true intimacy brings. We have to have that in order to be fulfilled. There are so many practices, techniques and devices that allow us to maintain our connections with our partners once the physicality is gone.

I take marriage vows seriously and believe you stick it out during the good and bad times but both parties have to do their part.

If your husband is unwilling to connect with you on a meaningful level then he is essentially breaking the marriage vows you took together.

If you feel you can not go on in this situation then be honest and tell him you must seek love and affection elsewhere. I'm not saying abandon him. Hopefully telling him what you need and coming up with suggestions on how to reconnect will help you both.

Communication is the best way to go. Be upfront with him.

I hope this helps.

Letter #2

Dear Tee,

My little sister has been dealing with a lot of drama lately. I kind of find it
amusing, but I decided to write in for her sake:

What advice do you have for my sister whose friend promised to make her life hell? It all started when my sister fell madly in love with her crazy friend's ex-boyfriend. The friend cheated on him and broke up with him over a year ago. When she found out that the 2 had been flirting online and really liked each other, she freaked out. My sister is afraid she'll get her tires slashed. I think her friend will just talk bad about her to everyone they know.

My Answer:

First, it's pretty obvious that this "friend" of your sister's is really possessive and hasn't given up on this guy. I have a question of my own, how close was your sister and her friend? If they were very close as in best friends then your sister should not go there with the ex-boyfriend even if it has been a year since they split. My friends and I would never date the others ex-boyfriends no matter how much time has passed. Just safer and respectful that way.

However, if your sister and this friend weren't really all that close then this girl needs to get over it. The ex-boyfriend needs to be a man and intervene and make it clear to this girl that they are over and not to interfere or spread gossip about your sister. If that does not work, gather information on incidences and take it to the police for a restraining order. This girl could really be psycho.

Good luck to your sister on this.

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14 People saying stuff:

Anonymous said...

Counseling. That'd be my answer to everything.

Liam said...

I think you could start a professional column Tee.

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

Thanks Liam!

Hit 40 said...

Women are very possessive of their men!!! OUCH!! She needs to apologize to her "friend" unless this person is not her friend.

The Dish said...

Amen, Tee. On both. I could not agree more!

Senorita said...

It's her duty to care for her husband, as a wife.

It is his duty as a husband to be emotionally available to her.

Cheating is never the answer.

As for the other letter, depends on how close of friends those girls really were.

I thought it was the cardinal rule of friends to lay off each others' ex boyfriends.

Anna said...

Hey, good answers. The communication is the key to lot of things in life. Thanks for sharing your post. Anna :)

Moooooog35 said...

Wow...based on letter #1, I feel awful.

I had no idea my wife was probably injured in a fall.

Explains a lot, though.

Noelle said...

Wow, those were some tough questions, especially #1. You gave really good advice.

Debbie said...

Excellent advice! Very level headed and sound.

Jenny said...

Wow, you sound like a pro. I think you can help lots of people if you consider having a professional career in this kind of field. :D

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

Thanks everyone! I love you guys.

Tanyetta said...

First of all the minute she tells him that she's going to look elsewhere for the loving, broham will jump to attention. Goodness Gracious the man had a fall and injured himself. Is he in physical therapy? This sounds like something they can work on. He's probably feeling awful that he can't perform (i'm assuming he hurt the tool) ???

Freckle Face Girl said...

Thanks! :) My sister didn't feel close to the girl, but the girl thought they were close. They haven't talked since. I guess "making her life hell" was just an empty threat.