Monday, April 6, 2009

All The Men I've Loved

In my 112 years of dating I’ve run across many different types of men. I was taking some time this weekend to actually mull over all these guys and see if there is some sort of pattern with me and the type of guys I’ve attracted.

Hmmmm…let’s see.

When I was 18 there was my first boyfriend Little Man. I’ve always loved the pretty boys and he was no exception. It seemed that we were destined to be together because we both had an affinity for Prince. He took it too far though when he purchased and wore (constantly) the same white ruffle shirt Prince wore in Purple Rain. Then he decided he wanted to become a junior criminal and run guns and drugs. Hmmmmm.

Then a few years later there was Moocher. This dude was constantly broke and begging for money. He also had 8 children by 6 different women and had the audacity to broach the subject with me of having a child by him. Sure guy, that sounds like a plan. Just add me to the list of women popping out your spawn.

Then after him there was Mr. Needy. I couldn’t go into the next room without him asking me, “Why are you going into the kitchen?” “What do you need in the bedroom?” I couldn’t speak to a male friend while we were out without him asking, “Did you ever sleep with him?” Uuuhh…yeah, I slept with ALL of them. Geesh.

Then there was Mr. Construction. He was the biggest cad I’d ever met. He’d leave candy and gum wrappers on my living room floor. That’s a big no no. He’d order his food and drinks at restaurants before me. Uuuhh….no! He was at my house one morning when the cable repair guy came over. Instead of him waiting until the guy was finished before he left to go home he bailed out as soon as the guy got there. I asked him to stick around just in case I needed him to which he kindly said, “You won’t need me. That guy can handle everything.” After which he sprinted to the car and sped off.

Then it was The Analyst. Mister self centered. This is the guy that told me he was going to leave me alone in a strange hotel to go stay with his parents the night my house caught on fire . Oh yeah, you are a winner guy.

Then it was Mr. Horny Toad IT Guy. This wonderful specimen of manhood tried to badger me into having sex with him 2 nights after I met him. “Aaawww come on Tee. We are both adults. I like you, you like me why is there a need to wait? I feel a real connection here like we can finish each other’s thoughts. It’s magical.” Dude, I’ve only known you for 48 hours, pump your brakes a little.

In looking over this list, these guys aren't random at all are they?

Oh well.


17 People saying stuff:

Jeni said...

Hah! You're so right -they aren't random as I think I've seen those traits in just about all the guys I've known too.

SingleLADY said...

Our lists match up pretty consistently too... weird... men are the same no matter their preference... Sheesh!

Melissa said...

Yes, I've dated my fair share of those kind of men. I can add a few more to the list and it would be all the men I've dated in the past!

I still have hope that there is some normal man out there in this world for me. At least I can hope....

shorty said...

It's almost like we are fishing from the same dating pool....My past came back to bite me in the ass this weekend too. Must have been an ex kind of weekend. I'll have to try to squeeze a post in before I leave.

From your list you can feel assured it's THEM not you.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

This makes me want to write my own list... and NEVER ever share it :) I haven't typically had the best taste in mates either.

Tanyetta said...

Well dayum! Good thing the best is yet to come.

:)

1/3 said...

it seems like we all can be a glutten for punishment when it comes to guys. I seem to attract guys that arent over their exes...thats really annoying!

someone gave me the advice to solve/work on all the issues I have so I wouldnt attract what I was reflecting. I think we as women take care of everyone else before ourselves...thus why we choose the wrong ppl to love.

didnt mean to preach lol. know that u see the list u will choose a guy who is more for u.

Tonya said...

wow those are some pretty interesting guys.

dmarks said...

That Prince guy.. I've never known of any "real person" wanting to wear a puffy shirt!

How many of these would you forget you never knew entirely if you could?

Trixie said...

This is why it's best to stay single!

laughingattheslut said...

I think for 112 years of dating that six boyfriends isn't that many. Maybe you should get out more.

I'm wondering which of the boyfriends ended up being the ex-husband. Or have you put him so far from your thoughts that you forgot to include him in the list?

brookem said...

it's fun to look back on all the men of the past. interesting who we fall for, huh?

CC said...

wow- its sad how many of these buttwipes are running around!

n0days0ff said...

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lisaq said...

haha...112 years of dating. Sure feels that way sometimes doesn't it? I know all of mine have been recycled. Same dude, different wrapping. Definitely time to switch it up!

Hit 40 said...

You have an interesting list of men. All so different! I don't know what to tell you. I try to hook up my single friends. So far - the ones we find are of course secretly married. The scum.

Terri said...

I think I started reading you when Mr. Construction and The Analyst were vying for your attention at the same time! Looks like you've been all over the map, but that's good because you are honing in on what you really want in a guy and soon Mr. Right will materialize! Hang in there!