Monday, May 24, 2010

You Pay This Time and I'll Get the Next One

I was talking to a guy friend of mine a few weeks ago and the subject of dating etiquette came up. He was upset and outraged that this chick he took out one night hadn't called him back after their date where he spent a whopping $200 on her. And got NO SEX. Dude was heated. I tried to comfort my friend by telling him that he should not spend that kind of money on a first date, especially with someone he barely knows.

I also told him he should have called her out on her foolishness. He should have simply said to her in a nice, calm, gentlemanly voice, "You know you are ordering from the ass side of the menu. You know what that means right? Unless you are planning on giving up some ass you had better stroll your butt back over to the left side of the menu." That would have given her a heads up as to what was going down later that night.

I'm just kidding but one thing I was serious about is that he should not have spent $200 on a first date with someone he didn't know if he was going to get upset if that was going to be their last date.

Ladies, is it OK to let a guy you are not interested in pay that kind of money on you if you knew you were going to blow him off?

I wouldn't. I'd feel so guilty. Let me give you an example of what goes on in my world. I met this guy once. We go on a first date. Things are OK but there is no chemistry. He asks me for a second date and I agreed thinking I'd give it another chance to see if he grows on me. He spent a lot of money on that second date and I was feeling all kinds of guilty because I knew it wasn't going to work and I was going to blow him off. Once I saw the check I was floored so I did what any self respecting non gold digger does. I invited him out on another date which I paid for (a lot too I might add) to level the playing field so that when I blew his ass off he wouldn't feel all used and abused because he spent a wad of cash and I blew him off. See?! Problem solved. He didn't feel used and I didn't feel like a heel in the process.

Guys have you spent a load of cash on a woman and she blew you off afterward? Ladies, did you let some poor sap foot an exorbitant bill only to duck and dodge him afterwards?


16 People saying stuff:

Jeni said...

Hmmm. I'm thinking here that it's been so long since I've been out on anything even faintly resembling a date -dinner being a huge, added bonus there -I'd probably be putting out before the bus left the terminal ya know. But seriously, unless you know someone really, really well, know their financial picture is also not just good but truly great -maybe in the running to someday be another Bill Gates - I just don't think it is fair at all, whether you feel a connection to the person in the potential sense of intimacy later or not -to select items for a meal on the "ass-end" of the menu. (Loved that terminology there, girl!) If he makes a suggestion from that part of the menu and you demure over the price and he insists and it's something you really, really like, maybe then but weigh all the circumstances -as well as possible consequences very carefully. Now I really liked the way you handled a situation like that. Fair is fair.

Moooooog35 said...

Serves the guy right for spending 200 bucks.

Depending on the area of town you're in, you can get a TON of sex for that money.

Don't ask me how I know this.

Cerebrally_Orgasmic said...

Tee,
You're just a really nice individual..I'm not sure I would have asked dude out on the last date even if I was feelin' guilty..the datin' world needs more chicks like you!! Lol...

Karen said...

Honestly, I don't think about money that much. That is just not my personality.

I doubt that I would have even realized how much he spent on me. But I absolutely stick my hand in my pocket to pay for things too.

SDC said...

If he expected sex in return for an expensive dinner, he should have skipped the meal and just hired a prostitute. She'd be a sure thing. How tacky is that? I don't know this guy but I'm willing to bet that he complains about women being golddiggers when he's bending over backwards to impress her with cash. LOSER!

Red Shoes said...

I've had a woman do that to me before... it told me loads about the person I was dealing with... I don't go on a first date... with expectations of sex...

If a woman was going to treat me to dinner, likewise, I wouldn't run up a huge tab...

I seem to be becoming more and more dating challenged as I get older... :o(

~shoes~

shorty said...

I have older woman friends who have told me to "get a meal". This does not mean to take him to the cleaners, this means to simply allow the man to pay for the first date. After that, I think it should be a 50/50 split while dating. There are tons of variable to be weighed. Do either have kids to support? Does one make double the income than the other. Yes, I think women still want men to be old fashioned and want them to pay.

As far as nooky....I think it's rude that your friend would assume that on a first date. He shouldn't have taken her to a place with the option to even spend $200 if he didn't want to go that high. McDonalds would have done. :)

Besides, some women will give up sex for the $1 menu....A women does not look at the $ spent as how far they will make it in the sack. Men do.

Just my opinion on the whole thing.

JStar said...

If i knew upfront I wasnt interested...I woulda just ordered from the appetizer side lol...That is wrong...

But he shoulda never expected sex on the first date either...That was his dumbness for spending that money, not hers....She prob knew thats what he was thinking too..

The Dish said...

I have been out of the dating pool for so long that I really don't have an opinion. I think women that would intentionally do that are assholes, and men that drop that much on first date kind of deserve it.

Butm then we know that I am not a very nice person.

Just telling it like it is said...

Can you give the guy my number...I put out!!! okay just kidding...I would never make someone pay that much on a first date...drinks only and just one or two...and then tell her you have to get up early for wk....sex on the first date is a nono...condoms do break...and the HIV can pass through them even if they stay intact..tell him he is lucky to still be safe...sorry my nurse advise....

Terri said...

It's been way too long since I've dated so I don't have a lot of experience here, but I think if you know it's not going to work out and you see what's being spent, you offer to go dutch, or do you what you did and have a make up the cost date where you pay. That's fair. :)

Terri said...

oh and sex on the first date - no way!!

Also I'm having a giveaway at my place, come on over and leave me a message!

Helen said...

I read your comment on Julie's blog about 'Lost'... I watched from Episode 1 and recommend you watch them when they come out on DVD in August ... you won't be sorry.

Mike Lowrey said...

I'll usually know the menu prices of the place I'm taking a woman to on a first date. That way I know what to expect if she orders from the ass side of the menu.

I won't even entertain a second date if she goes overboard. But I know the cost in advance so I'm prepared. But only an idiot would bring a first date to a $200 spot.

From my personal experience sex happens whenever, first date, second or third. There's been plenty of first night activity in my dating history. (I love being me, lol)

Now what guys need to look out for is the kiss & eat chicks who flirt it up for a meal. Lol.

Now if we fuggin you can eat at Morton's or Ruth Chris. If not we can have a nice inexpensive dinner as we get to know each other better.

Once on a first date I had a woman order a two appetizers and then dinner plus drinks. She ate most of the tizers and none of her dinner.

In my mind I said WTF, but remembered from our talks that she was a freak so I didn't mind at all spending the extra money.

Damn I miss that freaky ass chick. She owned her own slave collar...uggh! I messed up letting that go. Lawd forgive me.

Sandi McBride said...

You are too wise by half Tee...but perhaps the first harlot...I mean young lady...in your post is even now sitting at home bitching (I mean bemoaning)about the fact that the young man in question has not called her!!!
love ya girl
Sandi

Jewish Online Dating said...

If you spend lavishly on your first date itself, it is foolishness. You need to impress the girl with your personality and not your money. I feel pity on your friend.