Monday, October 25, 2010

How to Compliment Your Other Half - Day 5


This post came in from Ivana Vitali.

We’ve all received compliments, so we all know the kind of power they can have. If one catches you off guard, the effect can be quite staggering – a casual comment could cheer you up for a whole week, give you a boost of confidence, or even completely change your opinion about something. We all have our own insecurities, and compliments are one of the essential resources we use to give and receive reassurance about them.


Reassurance is particularly important for couples. Whether you’ve met through friends, at a garden party, or through dating websites , encouraging and advising are essential components of every healthy relationship. A very big part of this involves placing well-timed compliments into everyday conversations. But compliments are not always well received – they can be easily taken the wrong way or disbelieved. So, here are a few tips for compliment-novices to ensure that flattery always has the desired effect:


Pick up on hints…


Sometimes, without even knowing it themselves, people tend to fish for a good word. It will usually happen when they’ve been knocked back by a negative comment. “I don’t think I’m like that”, they’ll say, looking at you keenly. Although it may be clear what they’re doing, they obviously need genuine reassurance on this point, so pick up on these hints and deliver compliments on cue. These are sure to give a smile.


Take them by surprise…

As well as picking up on hints, try to surprise your partner by complimenting them when they least expect it. Try one when you’re relaxing at home and she’s got no make-up on, or write one on the mirror when he’s about to have a shower before work.

Focus on insecurities…

Identify your partner’s major insecurities and make a point of complimenting them on those particular personal weaknesses. If they hate their legs, take pains to admire them. If they worry about their culinary skills, be in raptures when you eat their food . You get the gist.

Notice the changes…

When we spend however much on a new haircut, a new item of clothing or other various accessories, we expect someone to notice. Be on the lookout for changes in your partner and make sure to comment on them. If they go to the hairdressers, compliment them when they get back – even if their hair only looks slightly different!

Don’t over-exaggerate…

You’re allowed to slightly over-emphasise on some points when you compliment, but don’t go too far. Telling downright lies, inventing wildly and making huge exaggerations will only lead your partner to suspect that you’re being insincere. Overly cheesy lines and ones that sound like chat-up lines should also be avoided, as they will also lead to suspected insincerity. The compliment will then have the opposite effect to the one you intended.

Avoid sleaziness…

This is a particularly important point to bear in mind when choosing your compliments. Try not to make them purely physical, as they will inevitably come across as sleazy and offensive, especially to women.

Whether you’re in Leeds dating or in Liverpool dating, compliments are incredibly important. If you follow the above advice, you will soon be putting a smile on your partner’s face at every opportunity.

Please follow Ivana on Twitter @ivacontent.


Tomorrow's post: You Give Up Your Dreams of a Big Wedding for Your Fiance?




5 People saying stuff:

Just telling it like it is said...

Heck I don't wait for them...I tell them to tell me how much they like me...oh yeah I am not ashamed....

Debbie said...

Excellent tips. But it is hard for some folks not to be sleazy!

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Good tips..especially the complimenting on the insecurities..although it would be a bit hard to compliment someone that can't eat without spitting. :)

Senorita said...

Ooh, that bald spot is so sexy, I love it when you comb your hair over it, I can barely see it !

Red Shoes said...

LMAO @ Senorita...

I think my ego, etc., was destroyed in the time leading up to and during my divorce... I discussed with my counselor how compliments would throw me for a loop.

She reminded me that compliments are a gift, and one should thank someone when we receive a gift.

I am better at receiving compliments than I used to be... and always try to give compliments when I can...

~shoes~