Sunday, March 30, 2008

What Do You Consider Cheating?

Posted by Diva's Thoughts at 12:36 PM

I know you guys have heard this question or even answered this question a million times but I would still like to know your thoughts. What do you consider cheating?

Does holding an intimate conversation on the phone with someone cheating?

Is simply going to lunch or dinner with someone cheating?

Is kissing cheating?

Is holding hands cheating?

I want to get your take on this. Are there degrees to cheating and is one thing more forgivable then the other?

Also, how likely are you to forgive your cheating significant other? Me personally, if you cheat...we are done. There are no second chances with me in regards to this.

I think going out with some one is cheating. Definitely kissing is cheating.

What are your thoughts folks. Talk to me.

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23 People saying stuff:

Sandi McBride said...

I don't know, it's the degree of the action that constitutes cheating. I'm not of the thought process that everything we do is a sin, though being a good Catholic girl, I feel guilt and angst to the nth degree...it's a Catholic thing...so while my upbringing would consider it ALL cheating, my analytical mind says none of it is. I'm a puzzle wrapped in paradox. Yeah, my kids are messed up, too
Sandi

March 30, 2008 at 2:38 PM
Anonymous said...

I think anything that would upset you if you're other half did it is cheating. Cheating is considered to be a million different things to everyone.

Kissing. Yes. Sex. Obviously Yes. Going out with someone is iffy. Are they going out with the intent of something happening or is just a friendly thing? I mean, I have tons of guy friends and I wouldn't stop hanging out or going out with them just because I have a BF, ya know?

March 30, 2008 at 5:30 PM
1/3 said...

I agree with B. It depends on your partner. With that being said you have to be sure that the person you are in a relationship with has the same definition of cheating as you do.

In my eyes, holding hands, kissing, def sex is cheating. Anything intimate is cheating to me.

March 30, 2008 at 6:51 PM
Chari said...

Anything intimate. Anything you have to hide! Anything you wouldn't want me doing!

If you cheat....holla!!!

March 30, 2008 at 7:39 PM
dmarks said...

I number them:

1) Does holding an intimate conversation on the phone with someone cheating?

2) Is simply going to lunch or dinner with someone cheating?

3) Is kissing cheating?

4) Is holding hands cheating?

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If "intimate" means lovy/sexy/flirty/romantic (and it probably does) then that I would call cheating.

I would not call lunch/dinner cheating. Unlike the other things, going to lunch/dinner is a normal thing that one might do with business associates, friends, or relatives.

The kissing and holding hands are cheating (other than the obvious "kiss hello" type of thing, as seen on Seinfeld, if anyone even does that.)

March 30, 2008 at 7:52 PM
Nicole P said...

Well, any of those things would upset me if they were done behing my back.
Personally we have a lot of friends both male and female, who my husband will go to lunch with. Sometimes, we are all together, sometimes now.
He or I will often give a friendly kiss to a friend.
But those things are all done without intimacy or deceipt.

It probably depends on the situation.

March 30, 2008 at 8:49 PM
Queen of the Mayhem said...

Kissing.....definitely.....going on a "date"...definitely! Talking on the phone...pushing it!

I think there are different levels...and, for me....if my husband sleeps with another woman....that's a deal breaker! I don't know about any of the other stuff!

March 30, 2008 at 9:07 PM
Adrianne said...

IF you go out with a person and you get an email from someone saying that your boyfriend is getting cuddly with someone and texting them while you are at home and he doesn't tell you until you find out that is cheating.

You can have friends girl/guy but if you are doing things you wouldn't want you other half to do or you wouldn't want them to know, yes that is cheating, or if you have to doubt it. Then yes it is cheating.

March 30, 2008 at 9:33 PM
Pageant Mom said...

Hmmmm. Good question.

Going to lunch. Not cheating. I mean, c'mon if that were the case, since I work 99% with men and have a few good friends and mentors that are friends, I'd be sunk LOL.
Lunch ok. Dinner one on one? Not OK.

The rest? Cheating.

(and I am a duly reformed cheater pre-marriage days!!!)

March 31, 2008 at 12:15 AM
laughing said...

1, 3, and 4 area all definitely cheating. 2 depends on the intent and if it would stop if one person decided that the other person was getting the wrong idea, etc....

Some people have said that sometimes they kiss someone on the check to say hello, and that isn't cheating, but I don't do that and get upset if anyone tries that. I don't kiss anyone unromantically expect for my mom and some other female relatives, and I probably kiss everyone's kids and pets. Kissing a man is definitely out.

There are definitely different areas of cheating that are easier to forgive. I never thought that I would forgive someone for cheating, but I never thought I would be in the position of having to think about it either. We were both very much in love after more than fifteen years, and you'd think that everyone would see that and leave us alone.

I am also in the position of having to deal with someone who thinks that being forgiven means that he's off the hook. If you can't be trusted to talk to people on the Internet, then you'll have to stay off the Internet. If someone went out with the guys and met someone, then I would think that would have to be the end of going out with the guys, etc....

You can't just ask to be forgiven and then not do anything to help the situation on your part.

March 31, 2008 at 8:46 AM
Vi said...

All of the above is cheating if you are hiding it from your partner.

I'm with you, I would never forgive.

March 31, 2008 at 2:29 PM
ME said...

I define cheating as anything you would not do or say right in front of your significant other.

March 31, 2008 at 3:06 PM
CarmenSinCity said...

It's all cheating. The intimate conversation late at night is cheating! I mean, a lot of people will disagree with me, but if you have to hide it, and if your intentions are shady - it's cheating!!!!!!

March 31, 2008 at 4:26 PM
imbeingheldhostage said...

I agree with Mystery-- if you're hiding it, you're cheating. I have typed 2 full paragraphs and then deleted them-- this question is a doozy!

March 31, 2008 at 5:50 PM
Ann(ie) said...

Yup....I agree. Cheating is something you wouldn't do in front of your partner/spouse.

March 31, 2008 at 7:01 PM
Anonymous said...

I kind of consider cheating things that you would do with someone else that you wouldn't do if your husband was around.

March 31, 2008 at 7:46 PM
LovelyBella73 said...

I would consider anything that my partner can't do in front of me cheating. Especially when you partner goes to different lengths to try to hide things that's definitely cheating.

March 31, 2008 at 8:52 PM
The Ambiguous Blob said...

kissing or anything more intimate than that is cheating and you're gone- out- no more questions... I can't stand cheaters.

April 1, 2008 at 12:29 AM
lisa q. said...

personally, i think it's all about intent...obviously if there is kissing, hand holding and such going on there is intent...

April 1, 2008 at 7:36 AM
Anonymous said...

In my opinion if he is hiding it or keeping secret about whatever he's doing....then that is cheating. If he feels its not cheating, then why not include you in it? Why hide it?

April 1, 2008 at 11:33 PM
Freckle Face Girl said...

I think any intimate contact is cheating like kissing. Going to dinner or something like that is only cheating if they are doing it with tingly feelings rather than friends. As far as forgiving it, I am with you...it is over. My husband and I had this conversation before we started dating. We both felt the same way.

April 2, 2008 at 9:48 AM
Rich Fitzgerald said...

Nothings cheating unless she's doing it.

I couldn't resist.

Entertaining the idea of someone pushing up on me/her in any type of manner is cheating, even if penetration doesn't occur.

April 2, 2008 at 7:30 PM
CC Solomon said...

I agree that there are degrees. Affairs of the heart as well as physical all rule as cheating in my book. If you're doing or feeling something for someone else that should only be for your partner than its cheating.

April 3, 2008 at 12:37 PM

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