Monday, January 26, 2009

Friendships

Are friendships like those you see on Friends and Sex and The City unrealistic? I was reading a post from a fellow blogger and she was bemoaning her lack of really close female relationships and how she so desired the same tight group of friends like Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda.

To be honest I was having the same thoughts at the time which is why this struck a cord with me. I too long for the closeness of these aforementioned women. Oddly enough, this blogger was not the first woman I've heard with this same plight/desire. I mean I do have girlfriends that I see but there is not that closeness that I am looking for. We are so different. I am more carefree and spontaneous and they are all very regimented and calculating and I would not dare talk to them about certain things. It gets frustrating at times.

Why is it that we seem to desire these girly relationships but they are so very difficult to obtain and hold on to? Is it even realistic to expect such a relationship?

Men, do you all find it easier in your male relationships? I know you guys don't have the same desires of closeness that we women long for but do you find it easier to bond with other men?

I think that one of the really exciting aspects of my eventual move to Atlanta is that I get to start all over again forging new relationships and with a fresh start. There is something very intoxicating about that.

29 People saying stuff:

Lys said...

I have a close group of girlfriends and, while we don't see each other often, when we do it's like no time has passed. However, there are other girls that while I thought they were friends turned like a pack of rabid hyenas at something that made me go "7 years and wha?" and I cut them out.

I think it depends on the person.

ATL - that's going to be quite the move :)

B said...

Maybe I'm odd but I don't long for those types of friendships. I have friends that are there when I need them, that I can hang out with and talk to. What more could I ask for?

Maybe it's because I'm not a very social person and it takes time for me to open up. Who knows!

Fabulously Broke said...

Seriously, I have ONE friend who I don't see as often as in SATC (we're in 2 different cities), but I love and adore her to death.

We could spend every weekend together and every night SATC style, but our distance makes it impossible.

However, once in a while when I visit, it's like time has never passed and we catch up on everything.

She's the only friend like that...

Fabulously Broke in the City

"Just a girl trying to find a balance between being a Shopaholic and a Saver."

Sandi McBride said...

Do you remember the old song, "You've Got a friend in Me"? That was the song running thru my head while I was reading this post. I wish you a couple of "sisters"...one good, one bad...but make them both hand holding, hard hugging, tear cleansing sisters of the heart that last a lifetime. And remember...you've got a friend in me!
Sandi

Tonya said...

I think women are more cautious in their relationships then men because we usually have all been burned by a former close girlfriend from grade school or such. Just my opinion.

Joe said...

Bond? Guess that depends on what you mean. I'm close with a lot of guys, but bonding is more around shared experience and making fun of each other than it is about sharing feelings. Most of my good friends and I have been around for each other's marriages, divorces, children, breakups, embarrassing moments, etc. and that's the glue that holds us together.

Queen-Size funny bone said...

I enjoy a close knit group of friends. I often dreamed of one really great girlfriend but instead my circle contains 3 gay men. I actually have no girl friends as I got older.

laughingattheslut said...

I think that most of us don't have everything, unless they all grew up together in a small town and stayed there. So some people got married and the spouse ended up being the best friend. Or maybe you never married or had a close relationship that way, but you have some really close girlfriends. Or maybe you're really close with your mother or your sister and you don't need girlfriends.

While I want some of those close girlfriend relationships, one of those friends that has been with me since before high school, I don't really have one. After high school we all went our separate ways and did different things and got married and such. My spouse became my best friend, so I didn't miss the girlfriend thing that much.

I'm not that close with my mom, and my sister and I grew apart. I have friends, but right now I don't really feel like I have anyone who is a really close best friend kind of person.

Trixie said...

I have those 'friends' we try and meet up for lunch every friday, all different, but all the same, if you know what I mean. I'm best friends with a couple but not so lose to the others, and vice versa. We aren't ALL closest of friends. So yeah, it can happen, but without all the designer labels (we compare charity shops finds!)

Eb the Celeb said...

I think women allow life to distract them from friends and therefore people grow apart.. for instance if women aren't pregnant together that can have them at different places in their life... if one is in a serious relationship and the other isnt that can cause people to stray to... men usually dont have this problem because they always seem to still make time for their boys no matter what is going on in their life.

Karen said...

I have 3 really close girlfriends. One who is married and who I don't see often. The other two I see all the time and we are like Sex and the City. We talk about our men, sex, diets, work, everything!

Melissa said...

I have to say that my three sisters have been my friends for most of my life. I have some friends that I used to be really close too, but after I got married the single friends of mine seemed to drop out of my life. I suppose it was because I wasn't going out to clubs like I was when I was single.

I was good friends with a couple, I was the maid of honor at their wedding, we did everything together. I even dated his brother for awhile. I moved away and the friendship seemed to drop out of our lives. Now that I've moved back to this area, we've tried to start up the friendship again, but I will say that it's completely different now. Now I don't talk to her about sex or men. We seem to focus on our kids when we do get together more than anything.

With my sisters, even my Mom, we can sit around and talk about the size of a man's penis, or even sex. Maybe my family is odd!

lisaq said...

I had a very close friend but we had a falling out and, while we have mended fences, things are just not the same. I miss the closeness we had. I lost something very important to me. Yep, finding them is hard. Sometimes holding onto them is even harder.

Suze said...

I don't have friends like Sex and the City. Maybe that's why the show is so popular.

abbagirl74 said...

I only have one close girl friend and she lives 5 hours away. Most of the other girls I would even consider hanging out with are people I work with. So let's not go there.

Tanyetta said...

What Tonya said!

So@24 said...

Hard to say. I'm a weird exception though, in college I was in a frat but 90% of my close friends (who I hung out with almost every night) were girls in the sorority next door.

Freckle Face Girl said...

I have quite a few close female friends, but I share different things with them. I guess it is like Carrie. She had 3 friends and she had different things she felt comfortable sharing with each.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

i never compare my life to anything i see on tv for it is acting

Renaissance Woman said...

I have some amazing friendships with females. It has not always been that way...but I worked very hard to develop those relationships. And I can say that I would tell them anything and everything and trust that they would do the same. I wish that we could spend more time together...but we all work, some have families, other things come up so we simply do the best we know how.

I don't know how to create that other than just give it time.

Karyn Beach said...

I moved to Charlotte a little over two years ago. I have one girlfriend that I am developing a closeness with but that's it. I miss having girlfriends to hang out with. And since I'm in a new city, it's really impacted my social life because I don't like to do a lot by myself all the time.

imbeingheldhostage said...

Great post!
What I learned from a wise woman (ok, fine, it was Oprah) was that you have to take the plunge to make friendships deeper, ask deeper questions, share more intimately. I've done that, but I seem to attract a lot of acquaintances-- people who are there for the good times and disappear when you're in the muck. So, yeah, no advice from me.

CarmenSinCity said...

I watch the re-runs of Sex and the City all of the time and I ALWAYS think about how much I envy their relationships - I wonder too if those so called "friendships" really exist in real life.

There are so many aspects that go into it - actually - I'm going to do a blog post about it right now - thanks for the topic - I'll link you up :)

Are you definitely definitely definitely moving to ATL???

LaiLani Ali said...

I have several close girlfriends and most of them are good friends with each other as well.
It's easier for me to connect with women than with men. The ladies can relate to what I'm going through and vice versa. The fellas are just good at carrying stuff and bringing up another perspective.

shorty said...

I have it and I'm Samantha!

Craze said...

The thought of moving to start all over frightens me to death. I feel fortnuate that I have a couple of very close friends whom I could tell anything. I think those "real" friendships can be rare.

OHmommy said...

I have two girlfriends and we are close. It took me a while to meet friends when I moved here.

Smokie said...

Great blog. Glad I ran across it.

I've had two different "girlfriend circles" -- one that lasted from highschool until about 23, and the other lasted for about a year. While I still talk to all of these women, we aren't in any kind of circle anymore. I mainly have one on one friendships, but I would love to have a circle again. It's a great support system.

I think men retain their circles because they don't talk too much about internal stuff. They share physical things like basketball, golf, etc. And they aren't nearly as judgemental as women are.

searchingwithin said...

I had a best friend in High School, that I rarely see or talk to now, but when we do it is special.

I had another very close friend that I grew up with as neighbors. We lost touch for 20 years, then when I left my ex, we ran into each other, and she had just left a long term relationship, so we ended up being very close again, until she traded me in for the new guy in her life.

Now I have no real close friends, and I long for it. Those types of friends are few and far between, and apparently, there is a reason I am not meant to have one right now. Maybe I am just too picky about who I let get close to me.

~Best Wishes~