Thursday, January 8, 2009

Love Don't Live Here Anymore

I was reading my blogging pal's post the other day, Falling Out Of Love , and it got me to thinking about how I handle break ups.

Karen, in her post, says she holds on for dear life. I, on the other hand, tend to walk away and not look back.

I noticed that after the demise of every relationship, once it's over...it's over. I don't want to be friends, hell I don't even want to talk to you anymore. What would be the purpose? I have enough friends and I don't necessarily need to add you.

Part of the reason is quite selfish I might add. I don't want to go through hearing about his next girlfriend or seeing them out. For that main reason I just cut off all ties.

It's also a respect thing because if I am in a new relationship I don't need some ex hanging around and I'd expect that same level of respect from my s/o.

How do you handle the demise of a relationship? Do you hold on until you can't any more? Do you still attempt a friendship? Do you just cut all ties and move on quickly like me?


26 People saying stuff:

Renaissance Woman said...

That question is a bit difficult. I use to do exactly what you do...simply walk away and close the door 100%. But I have also tried to hang on as tight as possible as well at other times. I do believe that if things were perfect we wouldn't be ex's...so hmmm...I don't exactly know what is best.

shorty said...

Ha!
Boyfriends,
I hang on with both claws, until eventually my nails weardown and I slide down his leg defeated.

I get so emotionally rundown over the whole break up process. I drag it out to make sure that we remain friends, not friends that I talk to on a regular basis, but I need to know that if I need to talk to them that they will be there cordially. It's a security thing with me. I don't want to leave a bad impression.

Husband,
It took me over a year to leave, but one day I just decided it was over, filed papers and moved out. I told him the night before I moved out that I was leaving. I still haven't looked back on him. Of course I have a kid by him, so we have to remain cordial.

SSC~ The Domestic Diva said...

I would say I hang I. But I like what you said about not being friends. Why would you need to be friends with your ex's if you have no ties right?

I hang on but I need to let go. Funny because this was my quote I just posted on facebook before I read your post:
“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.”

OHHHHHHHH I have chills

Karen said...

I think my issue is that I don't get "it's over" part. When love someone, I really love them. It is a forever thing. I forgive and move on and work to build a better relationship. I don't cut and run.

Unfortunately, when the guy wants to move on, I end up holding on tighter. It can be really pathetic really. I'd rather be strong like you, but I don't know how.

1/3 said...

i hold on to dear life which isnt good. my ex and I were best friends before we dated. I wanted to continue a friendship with him but i started getting confused like" do i want to talk to him as a friend or more then that?". To respect my current relationship I keep contact to a mininum. i guess it all depends on how you break up as well. a cheater doesnt deserve friendship

MysTery said...

I will try to work it out, but if I feel like you are being cold towards me and refuse to work it out, then I will CUT all ties.

I will never get over someone if we keep communicating. We can be friends wayyy later. lol

Happy New Year!

Smilf said...

I think when I was younger I handled them a lot differently than I did as I got older. I used to want to stay friends with an ex - for very selfish reasons. I wanted them there JUST in case I decided I wanted them back in my life. I had issues letting go even though I was always the breaker, not the breakee. I don't get how some people can be SUCH good friends with their ex's honestly. That's just me though.

Joe said...

I think I hang on, but either way is painful.

Queen-Size funny bone said...

once I'm done, I'm done. I actually like it that way better. It gives no room for falling back in.

CarmenSinCity said...

I usually cut all ties too. Most of the time, I cut all ties because I'm hurt that the person broke up with me and my hurt turns into hated. So, I stay far far away. Although, sometimes I break up with them and usually I do it in an immature way, so, they don't want to be friends with me anynore anyway, hehe

CC said...

I walk away and leave it for good usually. It really all depends on how/why we broke up really.

lisaq said...

Depends on the relationship/break up I suppose. There have been some I've hung onto for dear life and some, like the controlling ex-husband, I couldn't get away from fast enough. I think making a clean break is the way to go...just hasn't always worked that way for me.

Jeni said...

I've seen a lot of relationships dissolve in my time but only one that I initiated and that one -I walked away and NEVER even thought of looking back.
With my ex-husband -I didn't want him back, didn't want to continue things but still, it was a really painful event for me as well as for our kids for a lot of year.
It's something I no longer worry about though -haven't been in any type of relationship now for 10 years and he's the one who ended things there. And, it ended badly too as I really, really wanted that one to continue. If I were to see him again now, don't know how I'd react but I know it would stir up a whole lot of anguish within me so guess his method of walking away, not looking back, probably was for the best for him and for me in the long run.

imbeingheldhostage said...

I'm like you, when the emotions are shut down, they're shut down. I left some bad feelings in my wake when I was younger-- I got tired or bored and moved on, sometimes the guy never saw it coming. Then there was the two loser-cheater guys. I didn't hang on, but I was determined to get even and when I got them really hung up on me, I walked away without looking back. Not mature, but satisfying anyway :-)

B said...

I really think it depends on the situation and the two people involved ya know? I can understand cutting ties and I can understand wanting to be friends. It's a tough call.

TravelDiva said...

You have to keep it moving. It's just too messy otherwise. It may turn into an awkward, undefined friends with benefits thing or may cause problems in subsequent relationships.

Tonya said...

I've tried each one and I think the clean break is the best for me emotionally and physically.

Craze said...

It depends on the relationship and how long we dated. I'm friends with a couple of guys I had serious relationships with. I even still talk to the guy I dated/lived with in HS and after and that was 25 years ago! If it was someone I dated only a couple of months then good riddance!

So@24 said...

Lots and lots of booze.

But yes, friendship is always possible.

I'm living proof!

Suze said...

Wow, I wish I could've been more like you when I broke up. I usually hung on way too long.

OHmommy said...

It's so hard. After 9 years of marriage I still sometimes think about my last boyfriend. For no reason. I just do. I didn;t even LOVE him. Weird, I know!

catscratch said...

My ex is dead to me. I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to hear about him. I don't want to lay eyes on him.

In 22 short days, my legal ties to him will be severed when our daughter turns 18.

Brothers Blog said...

I think if you can be friends and it wasn't a bad break up there is nothing wrong with that.

abbagirl74 said...

Wow! Huge questions. Not enough room here to write the why's, but let's just say I totally agree with you. I just wish I could make it happen.

Karyn Beach said...

When I get to the point that I'm through with someone I'm through. My Ex from several years ago is still trying to be my friend. I'm okay with that because we live in different cities but if we were in the same town, I know I would not be friends with him at all.

I can do friends with a guy ... maybe, but I can't do 'friends with benefits', I just can't see going from being someone's woman to being a bootie call.

Lys said...

If it's over, it's over. I tend to part on good terms and maintain a friendship - depending on the circumstances.