Friday, June 5, 2009

I See Trouble Brewing

I'm going to a baby shower this weekend. What could be troubling about a baby shower you ask? Well there is a lot of drama surrounding the father.

The baby shower is for my 22 year old Godson. My girlfriend seems to be very happy to become a grandmother. Here's my issue. Follow me closely because this is a doosy.

A few years ago my girlfriend and her husband were having trouble with my Godson. There was fighting and tension so they put him out. After wearing out his welcome with relatives and friends they decided to come to me and ask if he could stay with me. Well, he was slated to leave for the military in 5 weeks so I thought, 'No big deal'.

I come home one day from work to find him and his girlfriend hanging out here and as soon as I walk in the door he tells me he has to talk to me. People, when someone tells you they have to talk to you before you even have a chance to take off your coat it can't be good.

He proceeds to tell me that he is having gender identity issues and strongly felt he's in the wrong body. He should have been born a woman. WHAT!!! Awesome. He further states that he will be having gender reassignment surgery as soon as he could afford it (apparently its pretty pricey).

Well after I recovered from that revelation and realized he wasn't going to go into the military or find a job it was determined that he had to go. I take him back to his parents house, dropped him off and speed away.

His parents are completely against this behavior. This is the reason they put him out in the first place. It is clear to me that my Godson stifled his feelings and intentions in order to be accepted by his parents.

This kid has a myspace page where he declares his desire to be a woman and solicits advice on having surgery.

Fast forward a couple years and he's found a new girlfriend whom he got pregnant hence the baby shower this weekend. Can you see why I'm not particularly thrilled about this pregnancy. This kid is very confused about his gender and sexuality and is clearly hiding it. I don't have a problem with whatever he decides, I love him anyway but he is now bringing a poor innocent child into this situation who will be forced to experience his father eventually turn into his "mother" when he is strong enough to come out and not hide.

I see nothing but heartache and trouble down the road.


20 People saying stuff:

Queen-Size funny bone said...

It does sound like a bumpy road ahead but what was the girl thinking to get pregnant by someone who doesn't have his own life together yet.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

Does the girl know about his issues? Wow. In the US, it seems sooo OK to be open about your sexuality. But then, there are those people who won't even let their gay brothers and sisters hang out with their kids.
Like the gay is going to rub off on the lil tykes.
Sad.

Hit 40 said...

Wow! Just not good.

Too bad he could not confide in his mom. Are we sure he's the daddy???

Tanyetta said...

what in the world!!!!!!!!

Jeni said...

Girl, I gotta hand it to you. When you say this is a problem and to follow it closely cause it's a doosie, you just aren't whistling Dixie, are you?
And his parents don't have a clue about this stuff? Maybe he isn't really a trans-gender after all? Has he seen/talked to any professional counselors who deal strictly with gender identity issues? And yes, what about the biological mother too? Does she even have clue one about these things? Hell of a quandry going on here. I dunno but I'm thinking the best place to start is to find out if he has had any kind of counseling, then try to figure out a way for the parents to be supportive of him, regardless of whatever choice he may make eventually.

lisaq said...

Wow! What a crazy, complicated situation to bring a baby into. I'm curious too about how much the g/f knows & what she thinks of his crisis.

Amber said...

Ohhhhhh no. Not good at all. Makes me downright sad and trouble is definitely afoot. :-(

LiLu said...

Actually, drama-promising baby showers seem to be all the rage lately... such an odd phenomenon. I suppose it's the 21st century... things are just different now! Enjoy sitting back and watching the show...

The Dish said...

That is a very crazy situation! I agree with the others as far as the questions regarding counseling and the g/f knowledge of the situation.

I try to pride myself on being open minded but I cannot imagine what it must feel like to be a parent of a child/adult with these issues. But it doesn't sound to me that they have been very supportive to him.

What a mess.

Maxie said...

As long as the mother is okay with it, I think things will be okay. They have a hard road ahead of them, but as long as he's being open then more power to him

moooooog35 said...

The kid will live through it.

Don't ask me how I know that.

Tonya said...

wow what a situation and I'm glad that it is happening to you and not me, HA ;) I guess have fun at the shower?!

Renaissance Woman said...

Sounds like tough and complicated issue all around. It's sad for everybody it sounds.

imbeingheldhostage said...

Look at the bright side, this won't be a post you see anywhere else-- holy cow, you can't make this stuff up!
What's done is done and a baby shower is to celebrate the new little life. Go in smiling and whomp the Godson upside the head when you get close enough to him.
I think you did the right thing, btw, especially if he knows you love him no matter what.

laughingattheslut said...

Baby showers are to make the soon to be mom feel good before she has the stress of actually having the baby. Assuming that you want the soon to be mom to feel good, go ahead and go and be nice to her even if your girlfriend just doesn't get it. Godson and his girlfriend need someone there who knows what is really going on.

If this is the couple you mentioned before, she did say that she knew about it. So either she did know and she had this idea that a baby would change him, or she didn't care and just wanted a guy and a baby and now she at least has the baby.

I think people should keep their pants zipped until they get married anyway, but I really don't know what is going on with a guy having sex if he really doesn't want to be a man anymore. You really should deal with that stuff first before getting seriously involved with another person and having babies and such. I just really can't see people having sex if they are so unhappy with their private parts that they are willing to have them surgically removed.

B said...

It wouldn't be as bad I think if they had a strong support system but it sounds like that's lacking. I hope he can find happiness though and here's hoping for a good outcome.

Terri said...

oh that sounds dicey, don't even have any words, just hope for the best for everyone.

sunshinestar110 said...

that is crazy!!! did he get a girlfriend and have a baby to prove something to his parents??? it's going to be a long tough road for not only him but the girlfriend too!! they should sit down and talk about this before the baby arrives!

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

Well, it's too late for second guessing having the baby. I am sure that regardless of what the father decides the child hopefully will always be the main focus.

I have a family member who had three children before she she came out and said I am gay and cut all her hair off. The kids seem fine. . they love her regardless.

SingleLADY said...

As someone who identifies with the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) community I understand the confusion and challenge surrounding gender identity and sexual orientation. Because these things can be so fluid that it may be hard to place oneself in a certain box or identify under a certain constructed label of man or women.

He obviously trusted in you enough to share this very personal information with you. Loving your godson is the best thing you could do, but also making sure that he knows you are there for him.

I would be more than happy to look into some counseling/support group/trans organization for you/him and for the parents. It is a tough thing to handle, but his life will be so much better once he can be truly himself.

Have fun at the shower!