Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Would You Marry A Virgin?

I was perusing the blogosphere when I can across a post that asked the question “Would You Marry A Virgin?

There were many responses to this question from one end of the spectrum to the other.

Personally, as a woman, I would not ever want a virgin. I teach for a living I sure don’t want to go home and have to teach as well. That's just what I need, a guy that doesn't know where to put what, when and how fast or if he should put it there or over here. No thanks buddy.

Most of the men, surprisingly, said they wouldn’t want to marry a virgin either. It seems that beyond the ego tripping that goes along with “knocking off” a virgin they pretty much feel the same way, they want a partner that is experienced and is not so inclined to have to teach them how to please them in bed.

I once worked with a woman, who happened to be my supervisor at the time, who shared with me that she was a virgin when she got married and wished she hadn’t waited. I found that very interesting to say the least.

What do you think? Would you prefer to actually marry a virgin or someone with experience? If you were a virgin when you married how did that work out for you? Come on, you can share, it’s just you and me………..and hundreds of readers. No need to be shy.


34 People saying stuff:

That one girl said...

Dude, I saw this on the news! How sad that she is selling it away? When I was one, back in the day, no one was going to have it unless they meant a whole hell of a lot.

I guess marrying a virgin would mean we would have to wait that long before playing, and that would just suck. I guess if the guy was worth it. I don't care about him no knowing what to do, it would be just holding off until marriage would be rough!!!

Liam said...

The first love of my life was a virgin then again so was I.

I would have married her in a heartbeat. But not because she was a virgin but because I loved her.

I am the wrong person to be answering this question. But I have never given the subject any thought. Maybe it's because of my own past but I never ask people I am in a relationship about their past lovers or the lack of.

luvleeme83 said...

I don't i could marry a virgin. to have to star all over from the bottom and work our way up to the sex that I like is something i don't want to have to do. OK so what if the sex never satisfies you and then what?

The Dish said...

Um, no way would I have married a virgin nor was I any where near a virgin when The Husband and I got married. But I did break his long dry spell when we started dating!

My Mom was a virgin... That has always freaked me out. How do you know you are compatible with someone without test driving them first?

Cerebrally_Orgasmic said...

I would be willin' to marry a virgin..I think the purity is rare in these days and times and would make him seem untainted...

Renaissance Woman said...

Hmmm...that is an interesting question. I love the idea that they would have none of that history and drama. But I would also miss that they didn't have any of the experience. And in the end...I would probably go for the experience.

Karen said...

I would probably marry a virgin. It probably wouldn't be my preference, but I wouldn't mind.

Queen-Size funny bone said...

this cracks me up because if you think about it a virgin is someone who has never had sex. Yet just because you've had sex once and are no longer said virgin it does not mean your any good at it. It takes lots of practice.

Senorita said...

I waited until I was 25 to have sex, thinking I would meet Mr. Right and marry him. I really thought I would meet a great man and get married early.

After I kept meeting the wrong men, I decided that I wasn't going to hold out any longer. What if I never met him ? I would be older, my body saggier, and still no action.

I think that waiting until marriage is a good tactic. Because if you meet someone and he isn't that good, how would you know any better ?

Jeni said...

Who buys shoes without trying them on first? That's pretty much been my theory.

B said...

I wouldn't let the fact they're a virgin over shadow all the other good stuff about them. It's just one part of a person ya know?

Mike said...

Hell no. My ex wasn't a virgin, but didn't know much and teaching is a hassle. I was in my 20's then so it goes with the territory. In my 40's no freakin' way.

laughingattheslut said...

Senorita had the right idea, and I'm sorry that she didn't find someone before she was 25. But if two inexperienced people marry and learn together how to make each other happy, everything should work out.

I would have married a virgin when I was in my twenties, and I would rather have been a virgin and all that. Could I marry a virgin now? I would most certainly marry a virgin over someone with a lot of experience from a lot of different people. But I doubt that I would want to marry a twenty year old man, and I doubt that I would meet a virgin my age.

My ideal man would have married his first or second love, had limited experience with sex before marriage, and after being happily married for twenty years or so was unfortunately widowed.

So not a virgin, but not a lot going on with other women either.

LiLu said...

NEVER. And also, not in this lifetime!

CarmenSinCity said...

I would NOT want to marry a virgin. It would suck. I wouldn't want to have to teach the person and plus, I'd be wondering why he's a virgin. It would get into my head and I would wonder why he's a virgin. It would really bother me. I would talk myself into thinking that something is wrong with him. I like a guy with some experience.

lisaq said...

I'm with you girl. Teaching is done at work...not at home. I'm too old to be teaching a new dog old tricks. hehehe...

imbeingheldhostage said...

I think I would marry one-- he'd be trainable to exactly what I wanted.

Del-V said...

Some religions say when you die you get 72 virgins in heaven. That sounds like my idea of hell.

Hyla said...

I think I would prefer not to marry a virgin. Thankfully I am married already and I do not have to choose!

I say I would not because then you are left wonerding if that other person is going to cheat to see what else is out there and try a new experience.

Thank you for visiting one of my blogs earlier. I really appreciate it.

News Revolver said...

My first marriage was to a virgin and I was a virgin too. At 30-years-old now, I can't say I'd totally rule out marrying a virgin, but then again I don't want a woman that's "too experienced" either. I guess it just depends upon what one is looking for in his/her life at that time.

Terri said...

I am one of the rare ones. I was a virgin when I married and it was by choice (believe me I had to fight off a couple of boyfriends that didn't feel the same way I do). I think marriage and relationships need a much stronger base than sex so find out if your love is strong and then the sex will come along and be all you imagined it would be. And it was!

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The Ambiguous Blob said...

I would marry a virgin. I'm so much more concerned with LOVE and connection and partnership than I am with sex. And as far as it taking too much time and effort to train my husband? WHO CARES? We'll have the rest of our lives together. That's long enough to show him where to put what and with how much pressure. No problem.

Anonymous said...

I found my virgin girl friend in one of American free online dating would you believe it? one can still find a virgin over the web.

SavvyD said...

So, then, you would rather lose your virginity with someone who you do not marry? Some who is a "filler"? someone who may take for the sake of taking? A FWB? I just don't see how this is preferable.

Learning how to do something new with someone can be messy and it can also be fun. Virginity doesn't equal a lack of passion. If you've slept around or slept with someone you didn't know all that well, there is no guarantee it will be great from the first time.

I'm not a virgin, but my experience is limited because I want things to be serious.

asian chat said...

Sure, I will! It will be exciting and I will love her more because of that. We can learn things together. :)

JStar said...

This is a tough one. It all depends on who he is and if he is worth the teaching. That could be fun...But I wouldnt wait til we were married because I need to know what he is working with upfront because I wouldnt want the marriage to end out of sexual frustration. I was in a marriage for 9 years under those circumstances and its not fun...I prefer a man who already knows how to handle his biz :)

Anonymous said...

Ha! Back in the early '80's, I actually had a guy refuse to consider marrying me because I wasn't a virgin. There were other reasons, but that was one of the biggies. He went out and got himself a virgin to marry, and in less than a year, he was calling me again. He was bored with her I guess. That and she wasn't a virgin anymore. I hung up on him, and after seeing him while driving once, he waved and I refused to wave back.

Hope he's been happy with his virgin but I kinda doubt it. He and Miss Virgin have managed over the last 25 years to practically bankrupt the business his folks left him, and their oldest daughter is a drug addict at age 19 and a total mess.

It was the difference between buying a used Mercedes or a new Kia. Maybe I wasn't a virgin, but I would have done a better job raising his children, and God knows I wouldn't have felt entitled to a bigass McMansion with a 1 million+ mortgage, useless designer handbags, hideous shoes (seriously, she must be color blind!)and just general crap. She's taken to selling her personal belongings on eBay using her REAL name. Obviously, all kinds of brains there.

And yes, I did get married. To a wonderful man who wasn't so damn judgmental. We are all healthy and happy, and OUR eldest is graduating from college next year. I'd bet my left boob he'd rather be attending a college graduation instead of driving his daughter to her diversion program or bailing her out of jail.

Anonymous said...

You are number 19 in our list. My boyfriend and I have been counting the number of teachers whose psychology revolves only around sex. We simply can't find this in people of other professions.We are trying to find out why.

Anonymous said...

Lol no offense but your opinion is rather jaded. You assume that virgin guys are retarded and don't know what they're doing. The fact is when I was a virgin back when I was 18, I knew more than every other guy who slept around with dozens and hundreds of partners. I knew how to reach multiple orgasm by using my tool correctly and trained my Pmuscle. I knew how everything worked as far as women goes, such as women takes much longer to reach orgasm and most guys can't last long enough to get them off. Plus once they lose momentum, it takes awhile to get back into it. I was pretty much a pro already when I was a virgin. By the time I met the chick that I felt was worthy of first time at 19, I was already at veteran level. She told me I was one of the best guy she had, and within 3 months I've been getting so many girls wanting a piece of me as they heard how great I was in bed... So my point being don't assume everyone is retarded, virgin or not has nothing to do with someone's competence in bed. It's all about knowing how to use your own tool and how to blend into the chemistry.

Mich said...

Yes, I would absolutely marry a virgin. I actually know a lot of virgins who are normal, very successful cool people. They respect themselves and others, and that is the most excellect preparation for marriage. A female psychologist I know said that women who sleep around have a lot of trouble bonding to their husbands, when they marry. That explains a LOT of divorces!

Anonymous said...

I think both this blog post and most of the comments show the exact same narrow-minded intolerance that society once showed towards pre-marital sex. Many sexually active people have this idea in their minds that virgins are narrow-minded, religious fanatics. Or that it will be an enormous pain to teach a virgin how to have sex.

As a virgin I am obviously not an expert on the subject of sex, but I hardly think it will be difficult to learn. It's a normal, instinctual human activity, not rocket science. Given love, trust, and an enthusiastic appreciation for one's lover and the act itself, I think a virgin will learn what to do fairly quickly. We're virgins, not idiots.

Honestly, I think these comments (and the blog post) show intolerance. Just because you can't imagine marrying someone without sleeping with them first, it doesn't put you in a position to denounce that choice.

I'm a 24-year old female virgin and I cannot imagine sleeping with a man before marrying him. Yet I'm far more open-minded than you are - I am perfectly respectful of my friends' choices, all of whom are active, some of whom regularly participate in threesomes and orgies. I would not choose to do something like that, but I've never questioned their decisions, never shuddered at their promiscuity, never said, "I think your choice is stupid/backwards/unethical."

As a virgin, I don't expect to be treated with the sort of reverential, put-her-on-a-pedestal treatment that a virgin girl would have gotten from men a century ago, or even today in some societies. But I also don't want my choice to be treated with contempt either - the sort of contempt that "sluts" would have received a century ago. You've shown by your comments that you don't understand a virgin's mindset - then don't try and judge it. I've accepted that I don't understand your choice either, and I've never been scornful towards sexually active people.

Because that is exactly the sort of attitude - scorn - that virgins face in today's society. I think it is a shame that people decry us for not being open-minded, when in fact it is people like you who have a narrow way of thinking.

Sneha said...

I am also another virgin who was very offended by the tone of this post and some of the comments.

I think sexually active people should accept that they know literally NOTHING about us and therefore shouldn't make judgments. We don't reject our sexuality - we masturbate and enjoy it, but we believe in waiting for love. We don't need your approval of our choice, but we could also do without your ignorant, offensive stereotyping.

Look at Lolo Jones. Beautiful, intelligent, high-performing professional athlete, and a virgin at 29 - who got publicly ridiculed for her choices. Do you think she's not an empowered feminist who is confident with herself and her choices?

I'm a virgin and I'm an extremely strong woman. I embrace my sexuality, knowing that each person choose to express it differently. I have never judged my friends' choices, and they have at least pretended not to judge me. I'm funny, outgoing, intelligent (I go to a great medical school and am extremely well-read), give back to the community, listen to indie rock and read Neil Gaiman and R. Scott Bakker. I also play two sports and am generally the life of the party. You would never know I was a happy virgin unless I told you. But then you wouldn't believe it, because it would break all those precious, precious negative stereotypes.

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