I was invited to a friends house recently for dinner. I had no idea what was on the menu and I could care less, it was just nice to not have to cook for once. Who the hell am I kidding you all know I wasn't going to cook anyway.
Anyhow, I text him and asked what I should bring because you all know just how classy I am and he informed me to just bring myself. That I could do.
So the appointed hour arrived and I pulled up in front of his house to find him standing in the door looking out for me. Mind you, I had never been to his house before so I wasn't sure what to expect. With men it's a crap shoot as to how their homes will look. I've seen some men have immaculate homes and others should have been condemned by the health department. I think all men should attend a decorating and housekeeping class for bachelors before they are allowed to move into their first homes and certainly before they start bringing women over but I digress.
So I park my car and walk up to his porch and he gives me a welcoming hug. So far so good. I step inside and immediately regretted I even accepted this date.
First off, the house is old (built in the 1950's) and seemed to have the same stairs and kitchen from when it was first built. Can we say renovation please?
I lie to you not, the kitchen had the old metal cabinets painted white circa 1952 and one of them was coming off the hinges. Nice. He also had an old ratty bathroom in the kitchen. Yuck!
The carpet needed vacuuming, badly. As I was surveying the scenery I looked down at the carpet and saw a brown bug crawling across the floor. You have no idea how bad I just wanted to turn around and bolt out that door screaming for dear life but I pulled it together.
After seeing this mess I was in no mood to eat. I literally lost my appetite. I faked it though. I forced myself to eat a respectable amount of food and fiend being full.
That was my last meal over to his house you can bet on that.
If that all wasn't bad enough, I spotted a prescription for Clavamox. You know I wrote that down so I could google it later right? It is a medication for cats and dogs. Funny thing is, he does not have any pet, at all.