Tuesday, February 12, 2008

That's What You Are Supposed To Do

I was reading a post from a male blogger the other day that had me pondering some things. He was bemoaning the lack of available “good women” and how they did not appreciate him for the “good man” that he was.

A few questions popped into my head at that moment. For one, where are you meeting these women and what type of women are you getting involved with? Secondly, how are you treating these women? Are you sure you are doing what you are supposed to do?

He went on to extol all of his virtues such as: Having his own house, his own car, a job, never have been in jail and taking care of his child. Of course these are good things and you deserve appreciation for it.

Excuse me if I am wrong but those are things that a grown man is supposed to have and do anyway. You don’t get “I’m a good man” extra credit points by just doing what you are supposed to do. This is what being a productive member of society is all about.

I have all those qualities (minus the kid part) and no one is breaking down my door giving me all kinds of accolades nor do I expect that. Most of the people I know have the same qualities this man has listed.

Hey, I have an idea…..how about going the extra mile. Maybe volunteering in the community, taking your woman on a surprise weekend getaway. Being a big brother to a deserving child. Maybe then I can say you are the good man you think you are.

I’m just saying.

30 People saying stuff:

tAnYeTTa said...

That's right!!!!!!!

Eileen Dover said...

I agree. And maybe, just maybe, he's bad in bed. A lousy kisser. Has halitosis. Is boring. Is a momma's boy.

There are loads of variables that he can't see, but means women are turned off him.

Don said...

Love the diva thoughts. Tell it like it is....

But I have to also agree with dude about their not being any "good women" available.

Then again, I don't think I can get a good woman anyways.

I'm rambling here, I know...

charmcitygirl said...

AMEN to that!!!!!

Kristin said...

I totally hate when people want a get out a jail free, no homework pass, and a coochie coupon for doing what they're supposed to do. I just chop it off to ignorance, certain things are just meant to be done because you have to. I can see if he took in a family from Hurricane Katrina or something. Instead of stating all the material things he should be writing about his inner qualities or my all time favorite...letting his actions speak louder than his words. Having a car, house, and job is not all it takes to get and must I say, keep a good woman. Most of us already have those things, its time for us both as black women and men to start raising the bar (yes, this is therapeutic for me). We should no longer accept just the idea of a car, house, money, attending church but don't how to pray individuals. I hope I made sense, I'm new to this blog'n thing, I've read your blog before and now that I have my own I understand the importance of replying...check me out sometime.

shorty said...

Hmmm, this post has left me feeling deflated.

I think that all those things do make this man look good, but it does take more, but who am I to take sides?

That wouldn't be fair because from the outside I don't have all those things and I consider myself to be a good woman.

It might just be the Valentines commercial holiday that has this guy feeling down, perhaps we should give him a break.

Craze said...

I completely agree. You don't get brownie points for not being an alcoholic or having a job - those are give me's.

Jeni said...

Hmmm. My son, age 34 and single, tall, very handsome when he gets dressed up (otherwise, he's usually in old flannel shirts, tee's and raggy jeans), has all the components this guy mentioned and a lot of great qualities -polite, sweet, attentive, sentimental too -and he was lamenting about how he couldn't meet anyone here. His biggest issue was all the women around here that he met only wanted to talk about where they were going to go party next or else, their last boyfriend or ex-husband and how much that person used to beat up on them. I've pretty much bemoaned the same thing except the lack of men in this area -but then, for me, it's mainly finding one in my age range and who can still breathe -and think relatively independently.

*~*Cece*~* said...

Oh that cracks me up! Do what you're SUPPOSE to do & expect more? Yeah, riiiight, buddy

durtymo said...

lol@ im just saying! Love it! You're right. I've encountered so many folk who want pats on the back for doing shyt they SHOULD do. Shoot!

TravelDiva said...

LMBAO! That's so true. It's like when guys say they are taking care of their son or kids. Umm, yeah, that's your job. You don't deserve a parade.

I think there are plenty of good women out there, but where is the blogger looking?

laughingattheslut said...

It depends on his definition of a good woman. And after he's found someone in that group, he may or may not meet their definition of a good man.

My definition is a hard one to find. All that he said. Well, not quite. He can have an apartment instead of a house, and he possibly doesn't have kids. He'd be Christian, preferable a church-going Baptist, no drugs, no alcohol, no tabacco. He has to have some sense about money. There are things that I would like, a fellow Trekkie who isn't nuts about sports.

But at my age, a really good guy that I would consider going out with would probably have to be widowed. It's unlikely that there are good guys out there my age who are still single, unless maybe they've been in a coma for twenty years. And I probably wouldn't want a guy who has been single for that long anyway. He just wouldn't have a clue.
And I wouldn't really want a divorced guy either. If he wanted the divorce, there are only a very few reasons that wouldn't make me think less of him. If she wanted the divorce, I have to wonder why. So a divorced guy is probably just some guy who couldn't make it work with his first wife, and I'm going to learn from her mistake and stay away from him.

Doubt that guy you're talking about had all that going for him.

Suze said...

I agree. It really bothers me when men say "I have to babysit" when their wives go out. Babysit? It's your child - that's what you're supposed to do dude!

Vi said...

Very true Diva! I hope you are interested in submitting to our blog book, also raising money for a good casue!

CarmenSinCity said...

You go girl!!!!!! So true!

ANO said...

Agreed! I wish I had more to say but you summed it all up.

Karen said...

I agree 100%. People expect credit for doing what they are supposed to do. That just sucks.

lisa q. said...

amen sista!

abbagirl74 said...

Couldn't agree with you more. Perhaps this guy feels this way because there are so many men who don't even do the basics?

shorty said...

What about the people that don't do what they are suppose to do. Work, take care of their kids, put food on the table?

Maybe they can't? Maybe they are just lazy good men.

We reward these people thru the welfare system, thru donations, fundraisers.

It doesn't make those people any less of a good man/woman.

Sorry, I'm very frustrated today and taking it out on Diva's blog.

Shai said...

I totally agree. LOL. What just because of the bad bunch now folks want accolades for what we should normally be doing.

Let's flip the script. What is a bad woman/man then since Shorty it so tensed up about this. Anyone can answer.

Honey-Libra said...

AMEN!!!!

soumynona said...

LOL, Oh my, I feel sorry for ol dude for a couple reasons
1. He posted his little "nice guys finish last" manifesto in the wrong arena. Traditionally women have gone above and beyond while men slack off and cause relationship stress, bla bla bla. The issue has never been a shortage of women just a shortage of available men. So he chose the wrong audience
2. He's getting blasted when I believe (tho I've never read his blog) that he may have some real issues/feelings going on. This makes the wound deeper
3. I think all he wanted was a little encouragement or pat on the back. Don't think he got it though =,<
All in all, in some places/communities men like him are an anomaly. If you talk to him again, tell him i said keep ya head up playa (I can't relate) but everyone needs a little love.

Eb the Celeb said...

Alright now... I like to see other bloggers start some trouble since Don always calls me the bully...

Mizrepresent said...

There are plenty of good women out here...that's some copout, some BS for sure, that frankly i'm tired of hearing...men just don't want to work at any relationship, they don't want to give in, don't want to take the risks...that's whats keeping them closed up in their little rooms, screaming "there ain't no good women"...we are here, been here, but we ain't "come save-a-hoes"...so rethink the mission and come again.

Jenny said...

:roll: I agree with the Diva's thoughts here. Come on! Who told that guy he was so great? Even if he is such a fantastic catch, he might be alienating women because of his crummy attitude!

Lady~Daydreamer said...

Girl.....D-I-T-T-O!!!!!

SSC said...

Go Diva!!!!

The Ambiguous Blob said...

some guys just don't have "it".

Cat said...

I think it's not also about a guy looking good "on paper" but also, like you implied, the other qualities he possess. He has the basics. Not going to give a guy a gold star b/c he has all his original teeth! Think beyond the obvious. I'm not saying you need to down yourself but think about the qualities in a woman you appriciate, for the gender neutral ones, ask yourself are you bringing those qualities as well? I'm just saying...