When I was 14 years of age my parents decided to take us kids on an impromptu trip to New Jersey. That was nothing unusual since my parents lived and met in New Jersey and my sister and middle brother and I were all born in New Jersey plus it was only a 4 hour drive from Baltimore, MD where we currently lived.
So we load up in the car and off we go. We kids were always excited about these family trips. They were always so much fun. Several hours later we arrive at my fathers’ sister house, Aunt Gwen. Aunt Gwen and Uncle Boog had several pretty rambunctious kids of their own and it was always fun to see what kind of adventures we were going to get into.
A few hours after our arrival my parents and aunt and uncle announced they had somewhere to go and would be back in a few hours and off they went. We kids were fine and enjoyed an afternoon free of parental restrictions.
Upon my parents return they summoned my two little brothers and me into the dining room as they had a big announcement of some sort. I sat on a chair at the table directly across from my father. What he told us shocked me for a few minutes and I scrambled to regain my footing. I supposed my father noticed this and instructed me to come over to where he was seated.
In all my fourteen years on this earth I had been the oldest child. I had been the one that was responsible for the younger siblings. Now I was being told that I was no longer who I thought I was. I had an older half sister. 5 years older to be exact. I was shocked and hurt all at the same time. I didn’t know what to think, what to say or how to feel. You may think finding out you have a sibling should be no big deal but when your life is lived a certain way and you have your roll in the family that clearly defines who you are and that is changed, it’s a little unsettling to say the least. I kept thinking, 'I'm not the oldest anymore?'
After I got over the shock I was anxious to meet her. Meet her I did, the next day. I felt cheated that I never knew I had an older sister in all these fourteen years, however, she knew all about us.
We got to know each other and I liked her. As the months and years went on she came to visit and we were developing a nice sisterly relationship. Or so I thought.
As the years piled on it became apparent that a relationship with me and my brothers was the last thing on my sisters mind. The phone calls and visits stopped. I subsequently found out she would call daddy’s job instead simply to ask him for money. It was obvious that she felt he owed her for being absent all those years and by golly she was going to get what was due her.
Her life was completely different then ours and I think she resented us and daddy for that difference. I’m sure she felt that if daddy was in her life the entire time things would be different for her. She felt we had it good and she was jealous of that and felt she should have been apart of all that as well. I’m not saying her feelings were not justified, I’m just saying that her issues with our father should not have impacted her relationship with us, her siblings. Who is right in a situation like this? It’s hard to say what should have been done. We all have to play the hand we are dealt. I just feel that she pretended to want a relationship with us in order to get what she could out of our father. I feel duped.
She has not called us since our fathers death in 1993 and that I feel tells the real tale.
Labels: moving on, Thoughts