Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Ask Tee

You know what day it is! It's Wednesday so we have another installment of Ask Tee. Feel free to give your insight and thoughts on the readers question or my advice.

Letter #1

Hi Tee,

So what do I do when I'm not sure who the father of my baby is, but I know it's NOT my current boyfriends? I slept with two men, one a one night stand, the other a few nights a month stand. Obviously I didn't use protection with either of them, and now I'm 2 months pregnant and don't know who the sperm donor was. I told my current boyfriend the truth. He's fixed and the timing would have been off, so I had to come clean immediately. He's cool with it, so cool that he doesn't want me to tell either other man involved that there is a possibility one of them could be this baby's father. My current boyfriend wants to take on all the responsibility. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Do they have a right to know?

What advice would you give me? My gut says to tell the two possible fathers the truth, but being that I know nothing about the, (nor really my current) I don't know what kind of stand up fathers they might be. Do I ditch them all and go solo on the whole thing? Or let my current boyfriend be the stand in dad for as long as we date, then tell the poss. fathers to be?


Tangled Web I Weave

My Answer:

Dear Tangled Web,

Whoo! I must say you have an amazing boyfriend and I hope you recognize that before you lose him.

My advice to you is to definitely tell the two possible fathers. They have a right to now they have a child. Also, the child really need to know who they really are, not the pieces of a seemingly perfect life you put together for your own convenience. Another thing comes to mind, there could be some serious medical issues that come out later in life that would be tremendously helpful in knowing should they rear their ugly head. Your child has a right to full disclosure.

You are blessed in that your current boyfriend will remain apart of the child's life no matter what so its a win win for you. I would just advise you to not rob the child of knowing who they are by preventing them from knowing their father.

I hope this helps and good luck!

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9 People saying stuff:

Noelle said...

Whoa! Slow down! Now that you are bringing a child into the world, you have to put their needs in front of your own. That means finding out who the real father is, and getting to know them (despite the feelings of your current boyfriend of less than 2 months). You don't have to marry the father, but you do need to 1. figure out who he is, and 2. get to know him well enough to judge if he is someone who will be a safe and positive presence in your child's life. Regardless of how it works out, always be honest with your child in regard to something as important as who/where his/her father is.

JStar said...

I totally agree with your advice!!! My brother in that situation. It was obvious from the day he was born but now his son is about to be 6. My brother is in denial and doesnt want to know. It may be his, but there is doubt.

CONGRATS!!! I have awarded you the Honest Scrap Award! Check my blog out!

Sandi McBride said...

Yes yes yes, hit it spot on girl! Great advice!
Congrats on the Honest Scrap award!

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

Thanks so much Sandi!! And thank YOU JStar!!!

Moooooog35 said...

Dear Tangled,

You're obviously a whorebag.

However, you must be doing something right (anal?) if your current boyfriend is willing to look past the fact that you're a wicked slut and stay with you.

My suggestion is to leave your current boyfriend, move to LA and while you're still young, get into the porn business.

You're obviously doing that anyway, might as well get paid for it. They will actually pay you HIGHER when you start showing your pregnancy.

Don't ask me how I know that.

Then, when you're rich, you have your nannies and crap take care of the kid.

Good luck. I'll be waiting for your first video.


laughingattheslut said...

Moooooog35, did you really think we weren't going to ask how you know such a thing.

I'm asking, how do you know such a thing?

But for the rest of it, one night stands and at least three guys within two months, it is obvious, isn't it.

She even says current boyfriends, not current boyfriend, but that might have been a typo.

The only reason that she's thinking about telling the truth now is that the guy she wants to keep already knew it wasn't his. If the timing had been better, and she didn't know he was "fixed", she would have lied to him and not even thought about those other guys or the baby.

And I think Tee misread part of the letter when she was writing the advice. "Or let my current boyfriend be the stand in dad for as long as we date, then tell the poss. fathers to be?" See, she's not even going to marry this guy. He's been "fixed" and maybe he missed out on the idea of being around when there's a baby on the way, so maybe this is his chance to do that. But still, he probably isn't planning to stick around much after that. I see the point of finding a steady guy to be stepdad, and not wanting to confuse the kid, and not wanting a third wheel hanging around. But I do not see the point of getting the baby a temporary pretend dad.

I think she should take advantage of the baby Moses laws. The kid will be better off.

B said...

I agree it sounds like she has a great boyfriend and agree that she needs to find out and inform the potential fathers. Not only is it common sense but for medical reasons alone she needs to know. What if the child needs a donor one day? or just a blood transfusion? Medical history is beyond important in this day and age.

Liam said...

Well if I was the Father I would like to know. But hey guys are always the last to know.

I would also like to see it before it was given up for adoption but that was not the case in my situation.

Tanyetta said...

whew lawd!