Thursday, September 25, 2008

Do You Ever Just Get Tired?

Do you ever get tired? I'm not talking about physically tired where you require a nap. This is a little deeper then that.

I am really tired of giving and giving and never getting what I need in return. Just because I never ask for anything (and I never do) that does not mean I don't need.

I may not need your money, I may not need a place to stay, I may not need to borrow your car but I need your support and understanding. That is all I ever "ask" of those close to me.

It gets a little disheartening when you need someone to just be there and they are not. It can hurt.

I am a very strong, self reliant woman and I really don't need anything from you materially speaking but just be supportive and that goes a long way.

When I had my surgery last year The Analyst took really good care of me but the only one of my friends to actually come and visit was R. I have known her for 30 years and she has been the constant mainstay in my life. I never held that against my supposed friends here in Maryland, not even my "friend" that lives in PG County which is 50 mins from my house whom I would bring food to because she was too distraught over her boyfriend being in Iraq to eat and then spending the night with her when her grandmother died but you better believe I never forgot.

The Analyst is a good man but he has some issues that have forced me to break off the relationship recently. Sure, he calls regularly and tries to get me to reconsider but I haven't heard anything from him that would suggest that things would change.

There were many times in the past when I needed his support and he was nowhere to be found. I never held that against him but, again, I never forgot. But over time the things that upset you begin to fester and build and build until you can no longer overlook them.

For some reason he asks alot of me and I give and give but it never seems to be enough. He still wants me to continue to be put out more and more and it's frustrating.

I'm the one that is still living in a small one room hotel that only furnishes you with 5 channels on the TV. I am the one that does not have my DVD's, my clothes, my furniture, my soft bed, my cable, my computer with all its software, my important paperwork while he is living in a HOUSE with his parents with all the luxuries I am temporarily without and he still expects me to give and exert myself yet further.

I love my life. I have a great home (whenever I am living there, lol), I have a few really good friends (a couple of them live outside of Maryland and that sucks), I love my job and the people I work with, I am not hurting financially (which is a lot to be said in THIS economy) but when will enough be enough? I am just tired.

I hope I am making sense because I just needed to vent.

26 People saying stuff:

SSC~ The Domestic Diva said...

I know whats in like to be emotionally tired and done. I do, and to give so much of yourself to only have others take and not receive. Its annoying, but then I realize this is who they are and they won't change.

I am here for you Diva. you need to just relax and get your nails done or something. It helps trust me.

I had major issues this week. Where it seemed that all my friends turned their back on me in my time of need. Yet when they need money or help, I am always there despite the way they can treat me.

The Excuse Eliminator said...

I'm feeling you because I've been there. I think sometimes though, you need to verbalize what you need. Because you are a strong and independent woman with an outgoing personality, people might not realize when you need them. Yes, they should know, but in the event that they don't, a good hint might be in order.

My best friend back home has been with me since the fourth grade, but at one point, I had to sit her down and tell her directly that sometimes I need her to just listen and be there for me. it isn't always about advising me or solving my problems but just listening. That did wonders for strengthening a relationship that was already pretty strong.

Trixie said...

Vent away my dear, that's what we are here for.

lisaq said...

I can so relate to this girl. I posted my own rant earlier in the week. It's hard there's no doubt. We are definitely here for you. Feel free to email if I can help.

MP said...

I have felt like this. I actually feel like this quite often. It's hard to make other people care about you the same way you care them. Be encouraged. You will be rewarded for your lovely heart!

Joe said...

I think everyone goes through spells like this. I know I have.

It's difficult to be the one that always gives only to have everyone turn away when you're in need of support. It's even harder when the people that you give to seem to be able to give back to everyone but you.

These dark days pass, though, and only the strongest among us are brave enough to fight the cynicism and bitterness that can creep in and still remain giving and loving knowing that doing so is a reward in itself.

shorty said...

You sound like me on a daily basis. I know exactly where you are coming from.

Sorry to hear about you and the Analyst being over.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

sister i know the feeling you are there for them but when u need they no where to be found

have a great weekend

B said...

I think everyone gets "tired." If they don't something is wrong.

I've been tired lately as well but I know sooner or later the "funk" will go away.

Karen said...

I totally get it. Some people are givers and some are takers. Even us givers get frustrated from time to time.

Terri said...

I get what you are saying; sometimes life is tough and "taps" you out and if you are a giver the people all around you just expect it no matter what? How to get a break is a mystery - cause I'm like that too. But I think we just bounce back. Hang in there.

Jeni said...

Holy Rip, Girl! If you are still surviving by living in a motel after the fire, that alone is enough to wear on your system and make you very tired! (Yes, I know first-hand about that as my two younger kids and I lived in a motel room for about four months after a fire did mega damage to our house. And although it's better than being homesless completely, it still sucks!)
Hope some of your issues begin to ease up or get corrected in the near future. In the meantime, just hang in there, staying your own course of trying to be the good friend.

Craze said...

I know exactly what you are saying. Giving emotionally (especially when it's not returned) is very draining. Sometimes at different points in our life we need to stop and re-evaluate our personal relationships. Much like you did with the Analyst. Life is too short to not spend time with people who are giving of their time, their energy, and themselves in a positive way. HUGS

CarmenSinCity said...

You made perfect sense to me. Vent away :)

brookem said...

it made total sense to me. i get it.

hang in there...

KT said...

you make perfect sense to me right now. i'm tired too.

B-More BAP said...

I feel you sis. I get like this from time to time. That's usually when I go into reclusive mode and change my phone number etc.

Freckle Face Girl said...

Sometimes you have to ask yourself what is in it for you. If the answer is nothing or not much, it is time to move on. :) Hold on to the friends that kind and thoughtful and drift away from the others.

imbeingheldhostage said...

Complete sense. It's times like these that you weed out the weeds and keep the flowers. Vent away!

Ann(ie) said...

You are totally making sense. I go through this a lot. And I agree with the givers and takers comments A LOT!!! Hang in there, love. ANd vent away. We're here to listen. xoxoxo. I so wish you lived closer to me so often!!!!

WomensDaily said...

I get like that sometimes. Then I do some pick me ups and work through it. It sucks, but it's normal.

catscratch said...

I understand more than you'll ever know. Just the reassurance that someone cares....

Princess Extraordinaire said...

I completely understand - sometimes we get tired of giving so much of ourselves without any reciprocation from the ones we so readily give to...it can make us weary and sometimes just bleh...hang in there!

Ms.Honey said...

I can def feel you on this one, and I think sometimes you have to get rid of the dead weight which might include friends and him lol....but realizing that you are draining yourself by taking part in these type of relationships I think is the first step to not being so tired...

Queen-Size funny bone said...

I never ever ask anyone for anyting and probably never would.
But it still would be nice for the people who are the closest to you to at least offer support of all kinds. At least an attempt would be nice.

Cat said...

Love is a two way street and if you were feeling more drained than fulfiled then you did what was best for you. You only get one life- treat yourself right!