Do you ever get tired? I'm not talking about physically tired where you require a nap. This is a little deeper then that.
I am really tired of giving and giving and never getting what I need in return. Just because I never ask for anything (and I never do) that does not mean I don't need.
I may not need your money, I may not need a place to stay, I may not need to borrow your car but I need your support and understanding. That is all I ever "ask" of those close to me.
It gets a little disheartening when you need someone to just be there and they are not. It can hurt.
I am a very strong, self reliant woman and I really don't need anything from you materially speaking but just be supportive and that goes a long way.
When I had my surgery last year The Analyst took really good care of me but the only one of my friends to actually come and visit was R. I have known her for 30 years and she has been the constant mainstay in my life. I never held that against my supposed friends here in Maryland, not even my "friend" that lives in PG County which is 50 mins from my house whom I would bring food to because she was too distraught over her boyfriend being in Iraq to eat and then spending the night with her when her grandmother died but you better believe I never forgot.
The Analyst is a good man but he has some issues that have forced me to break off the relationship recently. Sure, he calls regularly and tries to get me to reconsider but I haven't heard anything from him that would suggest that things would change.
There were many times in the past when I needed his support and he was nowhere to be found. I never held that against him but, again, I never forgot. But over time the things that upset you begin to fester and build and build until you can no longer overlook them.
For some reason he asks alot of me and I give and give but it never seems to be enough. He still wants me to continue to be put out more and more and it's frustrating.
I'm the one that is still living in a small one room hotel that only furnishes you with 5 channels on the TV. I am the one that does not have my DVD's, my clothes, my furniture, my soft bed, my cable, my computer with all its software, my important paperwork while he is living in a HOUSE with his parents with all the luxuries I am temporarily without and he still expects me to give and exert myself yet further.
I love my life. I have a great home (whenever I am living there, lol), I have a few really good friends (a couple of them live outside of Maryland and that sucks), I love my job and the people I work with, I am not hurting financially (which is a lot to be said in THIS economy) but when will enough be enough? I am just tired.
I hope I am making sense because I just needed to vent.