Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Ask Tee

You know what day it is! It's Wednesday so we have another installment of Ask Tee. Feel free to give your insight and thoughts on the readers question or my advice.

Letter #1

Dear Tee,

I've been with my man for 3 years. We have a good relationship and we have a comfort level that I've never had with anybody else.

The problem is that if we are together and his phone rings I answer it. No big deal. He can answer mine too. He hates when I answer his phone. Now all of a sudden I'm starting to wonder if he has something to hide.

Should I go through his cell phone to see if there is anything incriminating in there?



My Answer:

Dear Suspicious,

If you guys have been together for 3 years then hell yeah you should be able to answer his phone and vice versa.

Some people may be upset with me for what I am about to say but I am going to be one hundred percent real here and tell you that if you suspect your man has something to hide then by all means check it out. Just make sure you are prepared for what you may find. You go looking for trouble you just might find it.

Good Luck.

If you have a situation you need advice on, just click the graphic on the sidebar or go to

20 People saying stuff:

Moooooog35 said...

I'm surprised you didn't sign this response:


Elin Nordgren"


JStar said...

I agree with your response...I am noisy and wanna know so I will check...But I prepare myself to find anything...but I do need to stop looking...Just dont wanna be made into a fool

The Dish said...

I am inclined to agree with you. Glad I don't have to snoop though. You are right about the results of looking for trouble...

Queen-Size funny bone said...

some men are territorial with their gadgets. Is he like that with anything else? if not he's hidings something.

kim @ mommyknows said...

I'm with you too!

AND trust your instincts. If you think somethings up, you're probably right.

laughingattheslut said...

Okay, so I read this book about saving your relationship or some such thing, and this couple is going to therapy, and they were advised to get rid of their individual emails and get a joint one. And the woman thought that was a little weird, but if that was the expert thought they should do then she would try it. The man had a fit and said he needed his privacy. The therapist told the woman either the man was thinking of cheating on her or he already was. People might like the idea of privacy, but they don't get that upset unless they have something to hide. A few weeks later the woman goes back to the therapist alone to tell him he was right and the man was having an affair.

Del-V said...

I think it is a big deal and you should not answer your boyfriend's phone and he should not answer your phone either. I use my phone for work. It is not professional for anyone but me to answer my phone. If I'm not there to answer the phone Voice Mail will pick up. Also, I don't want to talk to the assholes from the office when I'm spending time with my girlfriend. Especially because the only time I get calls after hours is when there is an emergency.

That one girl said...

I'm not against peeping but it can make a lady crazy. I'm for talking first for sure. But, ummm, I have no desire to answer the hubby's phone. I don't even like to answer my own!

Senorita said...

I feel divided about this:

1.) I can't stand it when someone answers my phone. And I wouldn't want to answer someone's phone either.

2.) Women have the gift of inutition, and instincts should never be ignored.

She didn't mention if he let her answer the phone in the beginning and now all of a sudden has a problem with it. Because if that were the case, then yeah, he's probably hiding something.

Jeni said...

A bit of a dilemma here! I think I'd start by opening a dialogue and in that, flat out ask him about the phone answering thing. I'd resort to the snooping as a very, very last item on the list! For openers, it is (I think) considered an invasion of privacy.
Now, for myself, were I in that situation, I think I'd not answer another's phone unless they asked me to do that. And as to the phone and checking numbers, snooping, etc., look at it like you probably would if it were your e-mail contact list. Would you want anyone to go looking at your e-mail addys without your knowledge -whether you had something to hide or not? If I tell my daughter to look up something in my e-mail addy book, that's fine but I don't know that I'd want her to just go in there, on her own, and be looking to see who I have as my contacts -and that's with basically nothing to hide -of consequence -but everyone, all of us, probably has someone, someplace that we don't necessarily want other folks to see the contact and then, possibly to read the e-mail -if you follow my analogy there of the e-mail address accounts to checking someone's phone contacts. Sticky wicket, yes but I think I'd simply stick to trying to communicate about it first, get it in the open there and then, if you have suspicions, try to find other ways to check up on him that aren't a complete invasion of privacy. JMHO

Chelsea Talks Smack said...


Just telling it like it is said...

I agree with you...if you feel like something is wrong and all of a sudden he has a problem after all this time something is fishy.
Just be prepared...I used to know all the codes to my boyfriends e-mail and I would check up on him...but I got way to far into it because I started to find things that were disturbing to me...I will never figure out men but I will not always want to know the totally truth either...we broke it off....but I am not the same I always look to see if his heart beat is up because then I know he's lieing...a personal polograph if you will

Anonymous said...

Yes go thru the phone, you have to know, then calm down if everything is ok.

Ranger Tom said...

Well, from a guy's perspective, I can agree with you up to a point.

If a guy has nothing to hide, he shouldn't have a problem with it. I wouldn't because I've never had anything to hide from anyone.

But don't go looking and manufacturing the "evidence".

But it's a two-way street, and I learned the hard way.

I was married for almost 7 years and never once cheated on my wife, but after a while my wife began acting strange. If I didn't call her several times a day, while I was at work, I was cheating on her. If I was five minutes late coming home from work I was cheating. I got to the point I wasn't "allowed" to have any friends any more and my life became just going to work and coming straight home. Even my monthly veteran's club meetings were off-limits after a while, since they were so notorious for loose women... A bunch of 35 to 80 year old men drinking beer and swapping war stories for two hours on the third Thursday of every month... A virtual hotbed of sexual indiscretion!

Turned out it was all deflection, because she was cheating on me for several years, and through (I'm supposing now) her guilt in her many affairs, she was placing it all on me.

Thankfully I divorced after a pregnancy and miscarriage that through timing couldn't have possibly in a million years could have been mine.

And as for emails. I also was just recently in a relationship with a woman and was completely open with her. But she began acting the same way. Going into my email account all the time... Asking "Who's this woman?" Eh, that's my Cousin in Philadelphia... "Who's this Woman?" Eh, that's my Sister in Bangor... "Then who is this?" Eh, that's a buddy's wife, check the name right under hers in the addy list, she sends me funny stuff... And that's it!" "Who's this?" Eh, the woman you went with me to HR at work a month ago, she straightened out the problem with my dental coverage... She was just emailing me to confirm everything is in order..."

"Yeah! I bet! You're sleeping with her!"

"Yep, I'm sleeping with her. I'm out on the train for 12 hours (I'm an engineer) and come right home after I punch out from work... I take that extra two minutes of lag time on the time clock to knock off a piece before I come home!"

Yes, a lot of men cheat.

And good men suffer for it.

And women cheat also. I know that all to well.

LiLu said...

Maybe ask him why he doesn't like it first? He might have a genuine reason, like people from work call it and that seems unprofessional. But if he stutters... hell yeah check it out.

Liam said...

Okay sarcasm is not my strongest point and I rarely use it so here goes.

Oh yes! you should answer his phone and look through his emails. You should also wait until he is asleep and go through his wallet.

Hell, you can take it one step further go to Best Buy and get one of those mini recorders the size of a button and hide it in the lining of his jacket so you can listen in on all his conversations. That should take care of all your needs.

Ladies! are we kidding? we dudes like to have some privacy whether we're guilty of something or not.

imbeingheldhostage said...

Yep. If you're suspecting, there's usually a reason...

Debbie said...

I agree with you that after that period of time, there really shouldn't be any secrets. And that if you are suspicious, check it out. On the other hand, I grew up as an only child and I do love my privacy. I'm not hiding anything - I just don't want people in everything I do!

Amber said...

LOL re: the first comment about Elin Nordgren.

You have brilliant friends. :-)

Tanyetta said...

The first commenter is HILARIOUS!!!! LOL