Monday, December 21, 2009

A Case Of The Blahs

Posted by Diva's Thoughts at 10:07 AM

As far as I can remember growing up, we have always had family gatherings for the holidays, always. It was a time to get together, eat some good food, have some laughs and good natured ribbing. The holidays were always something to look forward to.

This year however, not so much. My brothers don't seem to have the same desire to keep the family traditions going and it saddens me a great deal.

I've always known that it was my mother that was the glue that kept our family together and that if anything ever happened to her then we would all splinter off into our own separate lives. My mother is disabled and in a nursing home. This in all likelihood will be our last holiday together and I really wanted to make this a special time for her but it's apparent that my brothers are not interested in this and it really saddens me. Not because I particularly want to see them but because I wanted this to be memorable for my mother.

My brothers will in all probability go their separate ways doing whatever they want to do for Christmas and I will maybe visit friends, after I spend time with mom of course.

This is all infuriating me to no end and also giving me the case of the blahs.

I'll be glad when this holiday season is over and I really never have to deal with my brothers again.

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17 People saying stuff:

Suburban Scream said...

What if you organized a family get-together yourself? Do all the planning and get all the food - nothing fancy, even - and just pretty much tell your brothers when and where. Surely, they'd agree to be there, right? It might not be exactly how you wanted it to happen, but better than nothing, right? And maybe still nice for your mom to have you all around for a while.

I can't wait for it all to be over, too. I just blogged about the same thing, actually.

December 21, 2009 at 11:04 AM
Karen said...

Explain that to your brothers. I am the crazy tradition keeper in my family. When I explained how important traditions were to me to my brother and sister, they worked with me to make things happen.

December 21, 2009 at 11:16 AM
Senorita said...

I know how you feel. My grandmother is our family glue. If she is gone, I don't see us all gathering together anymore.

December 21, 2009 at 11:51 AM
Queen-Size funny bone said...

Males don't seem to have the obligation or the right thing to do gene. I would call them up and lay a big guilt trip on them and see what happens. otherwise screw them they have to deal with those feelings.

December 21, 2009 at 12:02 PM
Anonymous said...

It is a very sad time, and for your Mom, she must feel like it's the last one too. I'm sorry, and I do understand, when my mother died, our family came all apart and we never made it back together right. Now we're all just relatives, not like "family" anymore. There's no repairing it.

Secretia

December 21, 2009 at 12:03 PM
The Dish said...

Oh, Tee. I am sorry. Your brothers need to be bitch slapped. I like Suburban Scream's idea. More work for you, but it will make Mom happy.

December 21, 2009 at 2:46 PM
Red Shoes said...

Hi there, Diva... I totally understan your position... My Mom died just before Thanksgiving years ago... we tried to keep the holiday thing going, but it was "Mom"... she was the glue that held it all together...

Then my divorce came along... WTF?!?!?!?!

But you know what? Its ok... We have to acknowledge that Time does change things...

I've got my decorations up... I am thoroughly enjoying Christmas... although things arent the same... and Christmas Eve Night, I will open a bottle of wine... will toast My Mom and Dad... and some good friends who have passed on... and will adore Christmas...

~shoes~

December 21, 2009 at 4:18 PM
Thomas J Wolfenden said...

Same in my family... My mom was the glue but she's been gone 6 years now, and it's not the same.

December 21, 2009 at 7:48 PM
Anonymous said...

Ah, I hate that for you!

December 21, 2009 at 9:42 PM
Jeni said...

My Mom and I lived with her parents so I grew up feeling kind of like an extension of that family and not that it was just my Mom and me. When my Grandma died -46 years ago -that ended all the holidays as I had grown up knowing and LOVING them. When it later became just me and my kids I wanted so much to have our holidays be as much as possible like they'd been for me, as a child. In that respect, I guess it's true about never being able to go back. I still long for the same kind of connections that existed between my Mom, her siblings, my cousins, back then but that just isn't in the cards. So now, I work to try to see that Kurt and Maya and Alex, my older grandson, have a little of that sense of family connection to remember in a good way (hopefully) in years to come when they are adults and trying to start their own families and their own set of traditions. It's a tough thing to walk away from but as you go on, you try to rebuild those feelings anyway you can to give yourself a sense of continuity I guess. Today, my cousins and I are all pretty much just relatives, not really "family" but I do see more and more in my kids that they extend to each other their own glue, their own "tightness"and solidarity so maybe they'll hold that aspect as they grow older and stay together, keep the young ones in that mold then too. Just hard to pick up pieces and try to find a fit for them, ya know, but keep trying, and you'll find something that keeps your spirit of the season alive and growing again.

December 21, 2009 at 11:26 PM
Renaissance Woman said...

I am sad to hear this and my heart breaks for you and your mom. I will keep my fingers crossed that your brothers will have a moment of clarity and bond with you as a family.

December 22, 2009 at 1:22 AM
laughing said...

I was surprised that my husband's family did not have one last big holiday season the year that they knew their mother was dying. They had mostly stopped the big family things a few years before, and I was glad of it, as I have never known what to expect of them and it made me uncomfortable. But I would have thought that they would have put everything else aside that year and do something together, and I wouldn't have minded, but either they didn't do anything or they decided to do something without us.

While I like Suburban Scream's idea, I am guessing that you were already planning to do most of the work yourself, and you still didn't get anywhere with the idea.

December 22, 2009 at 6:59 AM
G said...

I'm with you. I am a grinch. holidays stress me out and my crazy family makes me want to choke myself

December 22, 2009 at 2:39 PM
Just telling it like it is said...

Well just know that we will be thinking of you at this time and hopping that you will find some peace...Holidays are hard when family is involved...it never seems to be as special as it does when your a kid...Look on the bright side...You could have a crazy sister like me...

December 22, 2009 at 7:25 PM
Liam said...

I hope it turns out well for you. I will be thinking about you.

December 22, 2009 at 11:00 PM
JStar said...

Awww I know thats heart breaking...But let them do you, dont let them ruin it for you! Enjoy this holiday with your mom while you can....

December 23, 2009 at 8:26 AM
Thomas J Wolfenden said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
December 24, 2009 at 9:13 AM

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