Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Ask Tee

Alright my lovelies, you know what day it is! It's Wednesday so we have another installment of Ask Tee. Feel free to give your insight and thoughts on the readers question or my advice.

Letter #1


Dear Tee,

I live in a two bedroom apartment that I share with my roommate. She is wonderful and we get along great. We've been good friends for the past 6 years. The problem is her boyfriend Max.

Max came over the over night when my roomie wasn't there and waited for her to come home. I was in the kitchen and he was in the living room watching TV. All of a sudden he comes into the kitchen and starts coming on to me pretty strong. I tell him to leave me alone and put him in his place to which he backed down and went back into the living room.

My question to you is should I tell my roomie what her louse of a boyfriend did?

Signed,

Want To Be Left Alone

My Answer:

Dear Want To Be Left Alone,

If you and your roommate are as close as you say then I would probably hold off on telling her just yet. Maybe your scolding of him has done the trick and he won't ever do this again.

The problem with telling a woman that her man is a lousy cheater is that without actual proof she will likely take his side and forgive him because she cares for him and it will put a rift in your relationship with her and that is not what you want. trust me, she will eventually see him for what he is and dump him on her own when she is ready.

If he comes on to you again then sit down and have a heart to heart with your roommate and let her know what has been happening but please prepare yourself that she may not believe you thus putting a strain on your friendship.

Good Luck.



If you have a situation you need advice on, just click the graphic on the sidebar or go to ask.tee@hotmail.com.



17 People saying stuff:

Menopausal New Mom said...

I had nearly this exact same thing happen to me years ago. I thought I was doing the right thing by telling my good friend what her boyfriend had done. She turned on me and made me out to be the one in the wrong. So I guess you're advice is right on. I did the "I would want to know if it was me thing" and it didn't work out very well.

The Boyfriend Shopper said...

I love this part of your blog! Ask Tee. So cute!

I'll definitely follow!

JStar said...

As always, I totally agree with your advice...but me, I woulda just told her...If she didnt believe me, then thats on her...But with women, you are so right...It woulda turned back around on me...

Queen-Size funny bone said...

you should of given him a black eye and then he would have to do the explaining.

DSC said...

You are right. A lot of women would lose the friendship and keep the lousy man. I've had it happened and lost a friend in the process.

Senorita said...

I know that if I had a boyfriend who was trying to hump my friends behind my back, I WOULD want to know.

But that is me, and most other women don't feel that way. They may say they do, but if you tell them

1.) They will either take his side and turn on you......

OR

2.) Believe you but proceed to hate you because now she is jealous. She has confirmation that her man is attracted to you, and she doesn't like it.

So, no I wouldn't tell my friend. I would just reject him and if she asks me play dumb and say that I thought he did it to everyone.

I learned that you just stay out of someone else's business when it comes to adult matters.

B said...

I agree with your advice 100%! I'd hold off on saying anything unless the BF does it again. If she tells her roomie now, all the roomie is going to do is switch it up and make the writer of the letter look like the bad guy.

I know most people would say "tell her" but this isn't a situation where you might see the friend here and there. It's a roomie! She'll have to deal with the fallout everyday.

Liam said...

First kick him in the testes then tell your roomate.

Mizrepresent said...

This has happened to me too and when i did confess to my friend she stopped talking to me for almost a year, until he cheated on her again and she realized that i was right. Now, i'm not so quick to reveal this info, but i will let that mofo know that he won't be accosting me.

Noelle said...

I would want to know - once a cheater ... but you're right. You don't want to make your living situation intolerable either if it's a non-issue now.

Ranger Tom said...

As a guy, I'd never be that stupid...

Martinis or Diaper Genies? said...

reason 4895 to be a lesbianic lesbian.

imbeingheldhostage said...

Completely agree with you here, Tee. That "don't kill the messenger" quote is around for a very good reason-- she'll be the bad guy!

Tonya said...

that is such a tough one. I think your advice is good but I would add maybe she could talk to her roommate about him being there when she isn't. Let if she isn't there he can't be either. Then this wouldn't happen again.

Secretia said...

First impression is to tell her, but like JSTAR says, it will cause her to lash out at you.

Secretia

Just telling it like it is said...

I'm afraid you are right on target with this one...women usually chose the man that they are having sex with...
but I for one would want to know

Moooooog35 said...

Dear Want to be Left Alone,

Um.

Hello?

Did you not watch 'Three's Company?'

Every guy's fantasy is the two-girl one guy thing...especially in the roommate scenario. Every man lives for the very chance of seeing this moment.

You should be ashamed of yourself for denying this man his dream. Yes, I said ASHAMED.

If Jack Tripper were here today, he'd have a bit more to say, I'm sure.