Monday, January 4, 2010

How Do You Handle A Break Up?

We've all been there. Whether we are the dumpee or the dumper, we have all experienced the end of a relationship. The uncomfortable "It's not you it's me" conversation. The tears and pleas to stay together. It often times is quite messy. How do you handle the aftermath of a break up? Does it depend on how messy the break up is?

For me, it doesn't matter how amicable the break up is, after we are done, we are done. I don't want any phone calls or emails or any of that. Forget you even know my name when we break up. Especially if you broke up with me. I don't want to hear about your new woman and how great she is and how you are planning on marrying her. Yeah, that doesn't hurt much.

If I was the dumpee I still don't want to be friends with the guy because inevitably he will always think he can inch his way back in. Always. Uuuhhh, no. I don't want to be your friend.

So, what's your take on ending a relationship? Can you be friends or no?

27 People saying stuff:

Moooooog35 said...

Depends.

Are we talking benefits here or what?

Changes everything.

inc23 said...

clean cut is a must. it is so true that they always try to inch their way back in. i made this mistake and regret it everyday of my miserable life! lmao. break up and keep it moving. it's the only way!

The Dish said...

I do not think most people are capable of being friends with their ex. There are too many residual feelings and what not. Better to make a clean break and both move on.

Noelle said...

I've yet to see anyone come out of it successfully. With the possible exception that the breakup happened when they were very young. Don't know if it has to do with age, or the amount of time that passed since.

Jazzy Cazy said...

No, you have to make a clean break and move on, don't be friends and don't go back. If it didn't work and you break up once, chances are it ain't going to work again!

xjcx

Del-V said...

I have ex-girlfriends that are still friends and a lot that I know I cannot be friends with. It really depends on the person. It's a case-by-case decision.

Freckle Face Girl said...

I am great at being friends after a break-up. Guys, however, don't seem to be. The only ones that have kept in contact are hoping to get back with me including my ex-husband. Isn't the magic of divorce supposed to put an end to that?

That one girl said...

I don't think most ex's can really be friends. Of course there are the rare cases but really, I have plenty of friends so see ya!

Catherine said...

No way. Only once have stayed friends with a guy after intimacy occurred and he was more of a FWB-type thing ... and even that is sometimes tough for one or both of us. If feelings were involved, forget it. As I told my last ex, "You didn't treat me well when I was your girlfriend. Why would I want to be your friend?"

Indigo said...

My last girl friend who my lover for near on 6 years dumped me back then, we stayed friends for a while and she beleived we still had this 'special' friendship... er NO!! So after thinkin she was move on if I gettin boring and listening to her 'blah blah blah' I decided I could only get on with my life if I ditched her, payback time for me, I had alot of anger and no doubt she'll blame me, but shit happens...good ridence. My other short term girlfriend was some one who didn't want help just the fuckin audience... she dumped me, I have nothing to do with either of them. This is how I like it. I got my sanity back. Dumped of be dumped.. end it there and then, HISTORY!!

Just telling it like it is said...

Tee: I went through a really nasty break up last year, but it was a 2 year process that sucked the life out of me...
I moved out of the house, got a sweet dog that after nice months of unconditional love brought me back from the brinks of loosing it. I also would not talk about him with my friends. I figured out of my life out of my mind and you can't have anymore of my love. He tried several times to get back together under new terms of coarse...ummm no I left for Texas in July the last time I saw him and never returned. I started dating again and lucky enough time passed 9 months since I had left I found Logistic guy...We are still new but he is more fun sitting at home with cooking than I had in 4 years with Engineer guy....If you put it out there in the universe Love will find you...You might have to kiss a couple of frogs... but it was broke for a reason I just couldn't see why then!!

Southern Sage said...

Yeah when its done it ought to be done I say!
No need for a fatal attraction deal going on.

Senorita said...

I tried to be friends with him, it was useless. He would talk about his new relationship, and also how he missed me.

Once he told me he was about to get engaged I told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore.

Haven't spoken to him since. And thank God for that. They both deserve each other.

I should've simply cut off contact after the break up.

Tanyetta said...

During a breakup someone will almost always get hurt. I don't think there's ever a nice way to break up or be broken up with.

Renaissance Woman said...

WOW..this is a difficult topic. I have never maintained friendships with my ex's for all of the reasons you talked about. But I also fell in love with a great friend and so when we split I lost my partner and my best friend. So in theory I wanted to keep a bond because I loved them...but I couldn't hear about the other women, love, future... Hurt way to much. So...no I don't really think maintaining friendship works unless it was mutual.

Karen said...

I cannot be friends. Even if I try. I just can't do it. I have a hard time moving from love backwards.

Secretia said...

Yes they think they can tap us for sex one more time. The egos of some of those guys!

Secretia

The Peach Tart said...

I can be friends and am with most of my exes but I think it takes some time and space.

JStar said...

For me, it all depends on the relationship and what happened for the break up...If its not too bad they can be downgraded to friends with benefits until I find a replacement lol

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

When it's over, it really should be over, especially if one or both still have feelings for each other. Even if there aren't feelings, the past is the past and needs to be kept there.

Red Shoes said...

Yeah... time and space... There are some I would like to be friends with... and I guess in that regard, that makes me re-think the relationship... did I really love her?? I can't speak for them.. as to if they loved me, but they said they did... *shrugs*

~shoes~

Stesha said...

It doesn't matter who ended the relationship to me, I want a clean break.

Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha

Kathryn said...

I agree! I also don't think most ex's can really be friends because there are always some feelings and moments you shared together will be in mind.
Regards
Kathryn Wislet
Black and Asian Love

Debbie said...

I never was able to. And now my kids don't seem to be able to either. I think it is always hard.

L said...

One of my ex's tried to be friends. Also tried to find out what I was up to and got mad when I wouldn't tell him. Cut off ties completely.

★Starrla Monae☆ said...

It really is a case by case. Someone people aren't healthy for your life at all and you need to make a clean break from them whereas in other cases, maybe the two of you aren't right for each other relationship wise but in other areas of your life, you may mesh just fine. I have one ex and one ex only who I am still friends with. I have NO romantic feelings whatsoever towards him and would never consider going down that road again. I believe it was established that we were better off as friends.

BTW I LOVE the new layout!

coolgal said...

My ex and i still keep in touch as friends although we don't meet often. It was difficult to cut him off completely as we were together for 7 years and we have a friendship even if the love was gone. It's a different kind of love. Although i won't say it's completely healthy.