Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Ask Tee

Alright my lovelies, you know what day it is! It's Wednesday so we have another installment of Ask Tee. Feel free to give your insight and thoughts on the readers question or my advice.

Letter #1

Dear Tee,

I hope you can help me, my mother will be reading your response. I am 22 years old, in my last year of college and live at home with my parents. I love my parents I really do.

The problem is my mom. She still treats me as if I was 15. Whenever I go out I have to tell her where I'm going, with whom and when I will be back. I hate that.

She questions me about every little thing and it drives me up a wall. She constantly goes in my room and snoops around.

What should I do?


My Answer:

Dear Linda,

Since you said your mother was going to read this I will direct my response to her.

Mom, I know that you love your daughter and she will always be your little girl. I get that, I truly do. And I also understand that she lives in your house and must follow your rules I get that as well. But mom, can you give Linda a little breathing room? She's an adult and a responsible one at that evidenced by her pending graduation.

You raised her well mom but you have to let her grow up and act as an adult. It's your job to raise her to be a productive, healthy member of society able to stand on her own two feet and it seems you have done that. Let her handle her business on her own and just fall back and be a safety net if she falls.

Your relationship will be much better if you do.

Good Luck.

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15 People saying stuff:

Noelle said...

She sounds a lot like my mom (who I love, but drove me crazy when I lived at home). From experience, I have to add this: graduate and move out. That was when my mom finally started to see me as an adult.

JStar said...

I agree...Me being a mom of two teenagers I constantly have to remind myself of this as well. Although its far from easy...I see Linda is graduating...Once she does, I think its time to move out and get her own place...and that will renew the relationship with mom and be less stressful...I cant relate because I moved out when I was 17.

shorty said...

I say the daughter has to "suck it up". If you want to live at home, you'll just have to accept it. Linda is very fortunate, 1 to have a mother, 2 to have one who is willing to let her live at home (is this rent free?) 3 gives her enough room to even go out.

Honestly, life isn't that bad at 22 to be about to graduate. If I had it to do all over again, I'd be grateful to be in Linda's situation.

Mother will always be "nosey" it's cause she cares about you, not necessarily what you are doing.

Queen-Size funny bone said...

my kids are 20 and 24 and I still ask where they are going and with who. I've gotten calls from police in the a.m. reporting my daughters car in a alley and that was scary as hell. I say put up with it or move out.

The Dish said...

Your advice is spot on, Tee.

The Peach Tart said...

Very good advice.

Just telling it like it is said...

Oh my heart goes out to the Mom...
It is easy to say let go ...but it is never easy to let go...
Mom Trust her...she is after all your little girl...darn kids growing up on us the nerve

Liam said...

Short answer; Move out of the house!

Senorita said...

Either suck it up and enjoy living rent free or move out.

I moved out of the parentals after I turned 18 and never looked back. There were way too many rules and I just didn't want to adhere to them.

You don't want to pay rent ? Then move out. As long as you live rent free, mommy can do whatever she wants including snooping.

Totally siding with the mom on this one. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Welcome to the real world !

Moooooog35 said...


Get me your address. I can keep an eye out for your daughter. That way you'll know she's safe.

Please send a photo so I can, you know, um..make sure I'm helping the right girl.

Thanks in advance.

Kevin Costner

Amber said...

Here's my advice: move out. :-)

OK, if we must go there your advice is just a wee bit better.

Debbie said...

I think it is just courtesy and also safety to tell the people you live with where you are going, who with, and when you expect to return. I've even encouraged my college kids to do that at school.

imbeingheldhostage said...

aaaagh, didn't agree with this one. Well, I did, but I'm defending the mom. The daughter is living in her house, right? That entitles Mom to be able to set some rules. AND in this day and age or horrible news stories, what does it hurt if daughter shares where she's going with whom? It didn't seem like the mother was trying to persuade her or stop her from going, just wanted information that would keep her from worrying to death.

Anonymous said...

She'll always want to mother her, we know it.


*Tanyetta* said...

Say What! Are you sure my daughter didn't send this to you? LOL