I Lost My Mind

One of my blogging favs, Martini's or Diaper Genies did a post that reminded me of an experience I had so of course I had to share with you all. You lucky devils you.

So, a few years ago I got the totally awesome idea of trying to get healthier and drop a few pounds so I decided to join a gym. Oh, it was great in the beginning. They enticed me with a personal trainer and my choice of fitness classes. I was in heaven. I was going to be a stunner if it was going to kill me.

After a couple months the shininess of the gym experience kinda got lost somewhere. My time with the personal trainer had run out. I got bored with running to the gym almost every night after work by myself. After 2 months my body should have been all that by then, right? I can’t motivate myself to do stuff like this. I need someone there to kick my ass into gear. I was dating The Analyst back then and he tried to motivate me but that was a bust when my buddy passes ran out and he could no longer go with me to the gym…for free.

So I decided to take one of the classes they offer. Oh yeah! I found my mojo again.

I got to the gym promptly at 6:3o pm, the appointed start time. The class was called Body Pump and I was ready to pump my body into shape for the next hour. Shucks, I walk up stairs when given the opportunity and I’ve always fancied myself as a pretty good dancer so this class should be a piece of cake.

All of a sudden the instructor stands in front of the class and introduces herself and welcomes us to her class. She is a little bitty thing with a huge helping of energy. ‘Ok, this should be fun’ I thought to myself. The instructor walks over to the little stereo on her right and presses a button and the music starts blaring throughout the room. Aaaah, yes! This is what I need.

“Ok, Let’s reach……reach…reach….!” “Kick to the left four times then switch to the right and kick four times then repeat 100 times!”

Huh? What? This torture went on for about 7 minutes and I had finally had enough. I was about to call it quits when as she was making her perky ass around the room she stops in front of me and challenges me! “Come on! You can do it! Reach! Now kick! Good…Good!! Now punch six times!! Come on, you can do it! Go go!!!

All I kept thinking about as she was in my face was how much I wanted to punch HER. I was all like ‘Woman, don’t you see me sweating and panting and holding my side and chest in agony and you want me to GO GO!!?’ I said that to myself of course but I was one GO Go away from smacking her energetic ass.

I couldn’t let her see me give up so I pressed on. I was all ‘You are not going to defeat me!’

After about 10 more minutes I said ‘to hell with it’ and skulked out of the class holding my side, walked to my car and drove away never to return.

Who needs to be fit anyway?