Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Ask Tee

Alright my lovelies, you know what day it is! It's Wednesday so we have another installment of Ask Tee. Feel free to give your insight and thoughts on the readers question or my advice.

Letter #1


Dear Tee.

This is a difficult letter to write but I can't really talk about this to anyone else. Many years ago when I was a child a family member would kiss and fondle me when we visited their house. I was young so I didn't know this was wrong behavior. I didn't feel violated at the time, just confused.

Now, many years later I seem to keep having flashes of these incidents in my head and I'm not sure why.

Is this something that I should just ignore and get over because it's been so many years ago or should I confront this person? Will that make it better? Should I tell the authorities? I'm not sure what to do if anything.

I need your help.

Signed,
Brenda


My Answer:
Dear Brenda,

Wow! This is pretty heavy stuff for you to have to deal with. Let me start off by saying that I am sorry you had to experience this. I just don't get what happens in the minds of people that think it's OK to hurt children. It infuriates me.

Since I am not a psychologist or therapist I really can't give you any substantial advice other then to possibly seek help from one of these professionals. I think they might be able to clear a path to what you need to do.

Readers, I am going to leave this up to you guys to give your feedback on this one.

Good luck Brenda,
If you have a situation you need advice on, just click the graphic on the sidebar or go to ask.tee@hotmail.com.

10 People saying stuff:

The Dish said...

I agree with Tee. A professional can help you figure out how to handle this. I am so sorry this happened to you.

JStar said...

As a victim, I would say that she should confront this person. Was it a kid at the time or an adult? and are they still doing this? If so, then I would contact authorities...But I would def seek professional help to get past this. They can help you work through those issues...Talking to this person most likely wont help much and it wont take the memories away but it may make you feel better that you got it out of your system!

Menopausal New Mom said...

I'm at a loss too. On one hand you want the person who violated this young girl to be accountable but on the other hand, because it was a family member, everything changes. I wish your letter writer well.

Unfortunately, I expect this situation is not unusual.

Amber said...

Definitely definitely definitely seek help. My best friend had the most horribly abusive childhood. She suppressed it for years but it wasn't until she had therapy that she truly started to heal.

Noelle said...

I totally agree with Tee. Talk to a professional with experience dealing with this sort of thing.

Senorita said...

My heart goes out to this woman.

The first thing she should do is talk to a professional and then decide if she should confront the offender. Maybe she should, maybe she shouldn't.

Confronting the offender may hurt her further if he taunts her further. Especially if the statute of limitations has run out or if she knows she doesn't have solid evidence to prosecute him.

Ultimately she should do what she feels is right, but I think that will come after getting professional help.

Traci Lavette said...

I'm with JStar in that she should confront this person. Yes, she could seek help, but she is suffering now and needs to gain some clarity so that she can go on to live a healthy existence. For the thoughts to be recurring at this point, says a lot and I think to give herself a piece of mind, she needs to confront this person so that she can regain some of the power that was taken away from her.

Anonymous said...

No where does Brenda state that the person who abused her was a man.

As someone who was sexually assualted by a peer as a teen. I can feel for Brenda. I'm still tortured by images from time to time and some of my relationships have suffered because of that childhood experience.

I just recently came face to face w/ my assaulter, and he actually confronted me and apologized and told me how it has eaten him up all these years. The fence is not mended and I do not trust him, however I have forgiven him and have been able to take a small step forward.

If Brenda seeks counseling it might help, but being that its a family member I think that she should/could contront this person and have an adult conversation now about it and Brenda should let this person know how it has affected her life.

Just my opionion.

My word verification is forplaya. LOL

Red Shoes said...

I would think that starting with the professional would be the best starting point... and then proceed from there...

Anonymous accurately points out that nowhere was the abuser said to be male, even though that's an easy assumption to make, we shouldn't.

If the perpetrator was adult, and the victim a minor, I think that would have great bearings on whether or not to confront.

I am so sorry this happened...

~shoes~

Days Like These by Tanyetta said...

Brenda,

1. Seek out a professional that will be able to help you sort out what exactly should be your next step.

Good Luck!