Monday, January 11, 2010

Do Most Men Really Desire Sex With A Man?

I’ve recently read a few blog posts, listened to a couple of radio broadcasts and even posted a letter from a reader in my Ask Tee feature all regarding the same subject; men secretly sleeping with other men.

I don’t have a problem with homosexuality. Hell, I would love to have a gay male best friend. I love the gays. My problem is when these men are married or otherwise in a committed relationship with women and have this secret life going on that involves sleeping with other men. From a woman’s standpoint this is absolutely disgusting. The level of betrayal by this behavior is gut wrenching.

Fellas, let me tell you just what we women experience when you engage in such behavior: we go through many, many sleepless nights crying so hard our eyes are painful and swollen and yet we can’t stop crying because the pain is so deep (just the mere mention of your name opens the flood gates), we wonder what we did to make you prefer a man to us, we wonder if we were ever good enough, we try our hardest to figure out what we did wrong.

Do these men really fully comprehend the destruction that this behavior leaves in its wake? Think about it. You vow to love, honor and protect this person. You let the person trust you with everything in them and you shatter that to smithereens.

Do these men feel guilty about what they have done? I fully believe that these men engage in this behavior and keep it a secret for very selfish reasons: ‘I love my wife and don’t want to lose her.’ ‘I will lose my job if I tell everyone how I really feel.’ ‘My friends and family will not accept me if I tell them what I’ve been up to.’ All very selfish reasons. You ultimately destroy your family and another person’s life and ability to ever fully trust again because you were afraid to come clean with your feelings to protect yourself.

With so many of these stories coming to light it makes me wonder, do most men have this desire to sleep with other men? Is it something that most men feel but only some have the guts to act on it? Are men such uber sexual creatures that this is somehow just another way to push the envelop even further?

What do you all think?


16 People saying stuff:

Moooooog35 said...

Just goes to show you how badly we want bumsex.*

Yeah. I'm looking at YOU, ladies.

Looking at you.

* I am not speaking from experience. Let's just get that out there right now.

Queen-Size funny bone said...

I believe that Men and some when separate sex and relationships. I think men would screw a hole in the wall if they think it would be different than what they already had.And there are many women on the down low also.

Senorita said...

I am not interested in men that even find other men attractive. I usally date men that make it a point that they are straight.

I think it is definitely a closeted issue, an issue that gets a strong reaction out of me. I don't care what a man does with someone else. But when it comes to me, he better be women-only.

★Starrla Monae☆ said...

This is high level disgusting and indeed very selfish. I am ALL WOMAN. From the top of my head down to my pedicured toes. I should NEVER have to compete with another MAN! It all boils down to people being honest with one another. All this talk about not being able to handle the truth is a gimmick! If the truth given is handled accordingly, it can set many people free from a lot of unhealthy relationships! The only problem I have with a gay man is a gay man who is closeted and unwilling to be HONEST with himself. If he knew he was gay before he got married, he shouldn't have married that woman knowing good and damn well he still had those homosexual tendencies. BE HONEST! I can't stress that enough!

That one girl said...

I can't imagine most men secretly wanting sex with another man. If a man does, he has alway wanted to and don't hide it! Bi is cool, gay is cool, but secret gay cheat on your wife person is NOT cool!

Catherine said...

My gay friends tell me that it is appalling how many "straight" men show up at gay bars looking for sex. I am a supporter of gay rights and have many gay friends. But the men who are married to women and seek sex with men? I have zero respect or patience for them.

The Dish said...

I probably have a very black and white view of this, but I think that a man is either wanting another man or not. Some are too big of chickenshits to ever act on it. The truly straight ones would never do it. They all need to be honest with themselves, and us!

Just telling it like it is said...

Tee that was so profound...You hit the nail on the head..do they think that we don't know? that we can't feel the deep pertain....that our womanly beauty is not enough...

Ranger Tom said...

I have never had to desire to have sex with another man.

I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

Red Shoes said...

Unfortunately, I've heard of this kind of situation. After I was divorced, my ex started being seen around with different women who were known to be lesbians... and my thoughts were... WTF?!?!?!?! It would have been one thing to have had her seeing another man... but another woman?? Of course, some guys would want to watch that... ;o)

I've never found a man to be sexually attractive... I have had my share of men come on to me...

There is nothing that I know of that is better than being with a wonderful woman... nothing...

~shoes~

Freckle Face Girl said...

The worst thing anyone can do in a relationship is lie, especially about huge issues.

...Although if you know any RICH gay guys looking to pretend to have a family, I might be up for that. Seems easier than real relationships. :)

The Peach Tart said...

This really upsets me. I have a friend whose husband was on the down low. It destroyed their marriage and the children found out. Luckily she is still testing negative for STDs and worse.

shorty said...

Yes, I agree cheating on a relationship whether it's w/ someone of the opposite sex is wrong...but what about all the people that person might have slept w/ before you. You will never really know if someone is keeping something from you.

I have a dear friend, who I NEVER would have thought would have been w/ a man. Yet he has. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who knows. Maybe not.

Point being... I don't think we ask that question up front of men, we should! My friend is a case in point.

It is what it is.

Debbie said...

I really don't think most do. I think we just hear about the ones that are. Men in committed relationships don't make good news items.

Secretia said...

I think about that sometimes, with all the pressure there is for anal sex. Probably it's true that thing they say about all men "being a little gay"

Secretia

imbeingheldhostage said...

So it's true? I saw somewhere that men actually have this secret code thing (a certain look) that let's them know if another guy is up for a quickie. How gross would it be to find out your significant other had some same-sex on the side. That would definitely be a deal breaker for me.


BTW, I love how random but thought provoking your blog posts are.