Tuesday, October 23, 2007

An Open Letter to My Fathers Daughter

I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing to primarily get this off my chest. There are some thoughts and feelings swirling around in my head that I think need addressing. It’s funny the impact a TV show could have on a person but I am writing this prompted by a television show I watched last week.

As I sat and watched one of my favorite shows currently on, Grey’s Anatomy, I realized Meredith and her half sister have something in common with you and me. It was then, watching that show I began to realize some of the feelings you were having and I feel I may have been a little insensitive to those feelings and for that I apologize but let’s make no mistake; I do not and will not be made to feel guilty because of the way I grew up.

I know, our lives couldn’t be any different or further apart if we lived on separate continents but that is not my fault.

It’s not my fault that our father chose to leave your mother when you were a little girl.

It’s not my fault that our father met and fell in love with my mother.

It’s not my fault that our father married my mother when he had never married yours.

It is not my fault that there was so much tension and drama back then between all parties involved that my mother and our father chose to flee the state of New Jersey and move thousands of miles away for a little peace.

I’m not saying that was right. Quite frankly, I think all parties involved handled the situation abhorrently. But again, that is not my fault.

It’s not my fault that our father was there with me, for me, everyday of my life until his death.

It’s not my fault that our father stayed absent from your life from the age of 7 until you were 19.

With all that said, I could not understand why every attempt to reach out to you was met with civility but no true warmth or mutual desire from you.

I did not understand that, until I saw Grey’s Anatomy. Please do not hold what happened or did not happen in the past against me as I had nothing to do with the choices our parents made when we were children.

It's not my fault.

Signed
Diva, An Understanding Sister

29 People saying stuff:

Shai said...

That episode hit me too. Except from the side of my daughter being the one left out. That ish hurts on both sides when the common parent does nothing to help. I don't know why when some people re-marry they diss their other childen. I know some mothers and even fathers cause the child from interacting with the other parent. What irks me is when there is no blocking of visitation or calling and the other parent drifts off into their new family.

Sorry for the long comment as I said it hit home for me too.

It is good you are reaching out the your sister. Some folks will harbor ill feelings even when they are not guilty. My daughter talks to her siblings now and then.

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

Wow, can't wait for the new season of it to start here! We've got the finale of last season on this week.

Hope you actually DO say this to your sister.

minijonb said...

i saw the episode as well. it was pretty strong stuff. your situation must be hard. time heals a lot of things, but some things need more time than others.

Organized Noise said...

I saw that episode too. It hit close to home. I am cold to all of my half brothers and sisters. Nowhere near loathe, but I'd much rather not be bothered. I was raised as an only child and as I approach 30, I'm content staying that way. I don't know if that storyline will soften my stance, but it will make me think about it.

MysTery said...

I am glad that you are reaching out to her. I do however understand her pain. Keep it up!! I am learning in life to live and forgive!!

Be blessed!!

Joe said...

It takes a lot to reach out to someone in that fashion. Hopefully this will be the thing that brings you together.

JsTzznU said...

I say, be sure and send that letter!! If nothing else, you will know YOU tried! =)

Anonymous said...

beautifully written.

Karen said...

I also had estranged family and have tried to reach out. That eposide hit me too. Your summary is very eloquent.

qofd said...

Wow. That's one hell of a situation and it's too bad you're half-sister got left in the dust like that. But then again, like youi said... it's really not your fault. She needs to look to the adults in the situation instead of you.

dc_speaks said...

I really enjoyed reading this post.

I'm an only child, but I did wish for siblings for a good part of my childhood.

you are a cool sister. can I borrow you?

Stepping Over the Junk said...

that's a good perspective. I think alot of people could learn from that.

Suzel's Sass said...

Wow - powerful post.

GurlNexxDoor said...

I didn't see it but this letter touches my heart.

I too have a half sister, she chooses not to bother with any of us.

Her mother told her that my dad wasn't her father, until she had children of her own.

Now she chooses to keep it that way.

I feel sorry for her, she is missing such good times. We are all really close, and would love to have her apart of our lives too.

Hopefully someday she will come around. :(

*~*Cece*~* said...

Wow, this totally hits home for me. Not b/c I'm one of "the daughters" but because my girls are. My girls are the "Lexi" in this & Mister's kids are the "Merideth". And I'm the wife that he not only married but really loves. Not like their mother. Wow. I just hope one day his other kids will stop rejecting my girls and I. But even if they don't, I know my kids will have grown up happy with their father in their lives daily. Oops. Didn't mean to make this all about me!

soumynona said...

Thats was deep sister!

Betty Boob Hug said...

what a sad and honest letter.

I don't know what to say, just that I was really moved by this.

Good luck to you and your sister xx

Noe said...

Though I live in the States, and I watch GA, i'm still on season 3. I decided to watch the whole thing before getting into the new one, so I'm a little 'lost' on what happened in this episode, but I did watch the one when she finds out she has a sister and her father married someone else.
For some reason I felt that way too: it wasn't her sister's fault her father left.
GA have brought out very deep feelings in me... I guess shows like these, sometimes, help us understand things we wouldnt in a normal situation.

B_More BAP Life said...

Deep and Powerful!

Ms. Behaving said...

I hope you found relief in getting this off of your chest.

You're right...it's definitely not your fault so you shouldn't be made to feel like it is.

I can only hope that one day soon your father's daughter realizes this.

dc_speaks said...

looking for today's post....

**waving**

The Ambiguous Blob said...

phew. My little siblings may one day write this letter to me.
Ouch.

Pageant Mom said...

There are some things in life some people can never get past. And the only people they hurt are themselves.

:o)

lisa q. said...

wow! very touching diva...i'll think of you as i watch Grey's and the developing story line...it's powerful stuff.

Lisa said...

Way to be the "bigger man"! Go on and send it!

Sojourner G said...

not a watcher of the show, but the context is clear from what you wrote. sounds like it's not her fault either. it's amazing the way a similar set of circumstances can affect people differently...and that the circumstances may not be so similar after all.

i commend you for reaching out in the way you have. i hope it works out...

DurtyMo said...

Wow! Very well said although I gotta admit I had to read the title like 5 times cuz I thought it said "...to my daughter's father" so of course I was lost when you referenced "our father". I digress..sorry. Still I say excellent excellent excellent post!

Mizrepresent said...

What a beautiful letter! I hope things work out.

tAnYeTTa said...

this is a very heartfelt letter. did you send it to her? :)