Thursday, January 20, 2011

Who's To Blame?

We've all heard discussions or have been apart of discussions surrounding cheating mates. Why they cheat, who's fault it is and whatnot. I've even blogged about it once or twice here myself. I would link to the post(s) but I'm too lazy to go look for them.

Anyway, one of my favorite bloggers, Senorita, put on a post today talking about a radio caller who confessed that she only dates married men. Once I got over my initial disgust with this caller I went on to continue reading her post. Senorita goes on to say that she doesn't date married men, not because she owes the wife and family anything, but because of self respect.

I applaud her for that actually. I think every woman should have enough self respect to not stoop so low as to date a married man and vice versa. Her post did raise a question though. Do we owe each other anything when it comes to relationships?

I know many people will say no, we don't owe anyone anything but I am not so sure. Don't we owe each other a certain amount of consideration and respect? Shouldn't we all owe each other respect for the mere fact we are all humans who love, hurt, and bleed the same?

If not then shouldn't we at least respect the institution of marriage? If we don't have some basic respect for one another then I fear the actions and behavior we exhibit toward one another will became increasingly more deplorable and where would that lead us? I think that without respect and consideration we are really setting ourselves up for a great deal more chaos and many more societal ills then we currently experience.

Of course I wouldn't date a married man because I respect myself too much to ever settle for a piece of a man but I also respect the other woman out of a sense of sisterhood and I respect the institution of marriage.

Your thoughts?



14 People saying stuff:

Cupcake said...

That's a thoughtful post Diva lady! I agree with the sisterhood thing, but ultimately we need to make our mates take the ownership. Just my 2 cents...
Cupcake

Red Shoes said...

You know... I think respect is the one thing that is BADLY missing from the world today... from society...

I think we are at our best when we have established our own standards. When we violate our own standards, we really should feel bad about ourselves.

I like this post... :o)

~shoes~

Freckle Face Girl said...

I agree with sisterhood and being kind to others in general. A person's character is the most important thing they have. If a guy thinks cheating is ok, then I think he is a self-centered creep. I wouldn’t want to date someone like that.

Stacy Lynn said...

Respect. Everybody's busy demanding it, but I don't see very many giving it. I was brought up with the Golden Rule of treating others the way you want to be treated. Imagine how different the world would be if we did?

~nOe~ said...

i liked this post :) Very much

Sandi McBride said...

Well Tee, the way I see it a promise is a promise and if he promises to keep himself only unto me and I to he, then we owe each other. If the time comes when the promise is empty, its time to say hit the road Jack, and don't you come back no more no more no more no more (or words to that effect)
hugs
Sandi

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I agree with you. It had to do with self respect and the commitment of marriage. I'm sure you know that my marriage of 21 years ended because of his infidelity. They both didn't respect the commitment that he and I had. When you see a couple in love, applaud them and not tear them down. If you know someone who is cheating with a married man or woman, defend the comitment of marriage. Good post.

★Starrla Monae☆ said...

It's true that we don't necessarily owe the other person anything but we need to be mindful of how we'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot. My ex is trife, he still tries to find his way in btwn what he'll never see again even though he's in a relationship and I have to tell him that if the trife ass hoes who used sniff around his ass were like me and had some standards of respect, then he and I most likely wouldn't have had those outside problems. This post hits close because I have friends who date married men and even a married friend who still sees other men. I'll never understand why they do it. They seem to have no problem with it and have every excuse in the world while they avoid my blunt in your face questions about their situations. I don't let that taint my vision of what marriage should be though and I just hope they wisen up and fly right.

Senorita said...

Thanks for quoting me !

I do see your points, but I have to stand by what I said in my post.

If I were to meet a hot man that happened to be married, that was so tempting, I would do everything I could to stay away from him because when temptation strikes, what comes to mind isn't how his wife would feel. What would stop me is how I would feel about myself. Me picturing myself with my heart broken and low self esteem because I couldn't get a man all to myself is the thing that would stop me from making a stupid decision.

While I do have common decency and am a kind person to others, it is because I have myself in mind first.

La Cremiere said...

tis a good one but a difficult one - can't really comment on it because I'm just recovering from this (as the married woman / not man). it's a horrible situation to be faced with. the emotional wreck it creates, between another opportunity at love and doing what's right by your vows and family. I know I made the right decision but I'm a wreck anyway. Like I told a friend, I've spent my whole life looking for Love but now I wish I had not found it.

Mike Lowrey said...

I'm in no way saying that cheating is right. Because it's morally wrong. But you have to look at the stats and face facts. It's happening now, way more then ever before.

In a perfect world the sisterhood thing would work. But the world is far from perfect. Men cheat for a variety of reasons (let's be honest it's mostly for sex). It isn't easy being a man in todays time. This is a very different world then just 10-15 years ago.

The selection of decent men are very slim. Even worse odds for ethnic women. In 1995 the women I dated were local in the 5 boroughs of NY (couldn't afford big long distance MCI bills, lol.). In 2011, I now can chat with women in Asia, Cali & Miami easily and all for free. I can look at pictures of 2,000 eligible women in my city while I'm eating my morning morning cereal. Without even asking them to, a day doesn't go by that I don't get sent a naughty photos from women on my blackberry.

Men by nature want variety. It's becoming way too easy now. Even in times when folks got stoned for cheating, they still did it. The time of living in that dream world that Roy Disney created is over.

If most women knew what I know about guys not being faithful and about what women out there will do without any care in the world, you wouldn't be able to enter another relationship with confidence.

Laura @ the shorehouse. said...

I never thought of it from this angle, to be honest. I think I just flash back to how many boys cheated on my in my younger (and not-so-younger!) days that it's just not something that I would do...married or not. So yeah...I think it IS a self-respect thing for me. With a dash of do onto others.

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Catherine said...

When I was 19, I met a married guy who was a manager at the Target store I worked at. (High class I know.) In my immaturity, I thought that if a married man wanted ME, I must be something special. Of course, nothing ever happened, because we both chickened out. But as I grew older, I realized how distorted my thinking was. Not surprisingly, my self confidence and self respect is also much higher now than it was at 19!