Wednesday, January 26, 2011

You Can Beat My Kids

With the divorce rate in the US being as high as 50% there is no wonder that many families are blended families. I was listening to a conversation the other day that sparked a question that I wanted to pose to you all.

If you had children and decided to marry someone that was not their biological parent would you allow them to discipline your child? If so to what degree would they be able to discipline?

A few people in the conversation felt that it would be OK if their spouse disciplined their kids while a few others were adamant that no one should ever touch their child.

How do you feel about this? Would it be OK if your new spouse disciplined your child? If no, then wouldn't that diminish the authority and respect the step parent should have? Your thoughts?


12 People saying stuff:

Moooooog35 said...

As long as we're in agreement for WHAT they're being disciplined for then, yes, she can do what she wishes.

Less I have to do.

Stacy Lynn said...

I think spanking would be way over the line, but as far as discipline goes, allowing the step-parent to have some control would seem like a no-brainer to me for the health of the blended family. If you don't trust your spouse to do right by your kids then you have no business being married. The kids would probably revolt at first but if the discipline is consistant and loving they'll adjust.

Red Shoes said...

I was dating this woman a bit over a year ago... she told me that she had told her daughters that they were going to respect me... I guess that was all I wanted. Her daughters already had a Dad.

Had anything become of the relationship, I would imagine that I would have worked it more from the standpoint of reinforcing her punishment/authority on the girls.

Blended families are tough.

~shoes~

Karen said...

I would allow my spouse to discipline my child and I would expect to discipline his kids. When you are a family and building a future together, there has to be parental authority - even if it is by a step-parent.

sunshinestar110 said...

I wrote a blog about something similar to this topic called the "other mother" when my friend was battling that question for herself. After much debate I decided that not to over think it...if this is my spouse then yes he has the right to discipline my children, but we would have to discuss our boundaries for the punishment something we need to be worked out with me, the children's father and my husband. I think the children need to respect and view my husband as such so he would need to involved in that area.

Queen-Size funny bone said...

I think it would depend on the age of the kids.

Senorita said...

I think that if you are going to marry someone and build a life together, that you should trust that person with your children.

But thankfully this isn't an issue that I have to think about.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

It really depends on the situation and the age of the child. When Boo's little one was going through the 2's, I didn't hesitate to spank her. I figured that we were working together as a team.

My kids are grown so I don't have to worry about it though.

Stepwisdom said...

Discipline and beating are not in my mind even in the same category. All the research on "beating" kids shows it just increases lying. So why would anyone want to reinforce such behavior? Good heavens, most adults will lie if threatened with physical harm if the "truth" is told. The word discipline is from the same root as disciple. As an adult who grew up as a stepchild who has loved my stepmothers (one is now deceased)I see them as parental figures whose discipline I valued and learned from -- there was never any violence in the lessons, just guidance and respect. Discipline and spanking /beating do not have the same origins, and they have very different outcomes. Fear may result in compliance when the object of fear is present, it does not nurture trust and respect, or good life long relationships. Eleanor Alden, StepWisdom.com

Catherine said...

I think it would depend on the age of the child when the step-parent got involved. One of my friends married a man who had a 6 yr old daughter at the time, and a newborn son (long, Jerry Springeresque story, lol). She feels much more like a "parent" towards the son, because she's known him since birth.

Freckle Face Girl said...

Some parents believe that they are the only ones that have the right to guide their children. I don't think so. Most of the time simply talking to a kid is enough. If I see my friends' kids acting up, I'll say something to the kid. If they need more than that, I'll talk to my friend. When it comes to step-parenting, it should be a partnership. Scolding or time-outs anyone can do, more than that & punishment should be discussed.

Anna said...

Discipline is okay, but I rather would like to see more talking done, than laying hands on my children. Interesting post. Anna :)