Tuesday, June 5, 2007

I want to cheat

As sad as it may seem, I really want to cheat on The Analyst. I am embarrassed to say it but it's true. I want to go out...meet a really hot, sexy man and have the best sex in my life then go home and never mention it to him.

I am not a cheater. I fear karma and retribution way too much. My life is going great and I am really afraid of messing with that by committing a heinous indiscretion but my body needs to be worked over!

The Analyst is a great guy but he is so not the hot lover I wish. We have sex rarely and when we do it's not very satisfying so I have fantasies of meeting a guy, allowing him to ravage my body then go home with no strings attached.

The Analyst is wonderful in so many ways.....he's intelligent, kind, considerate, generous, attentive and can cook his ass off. Because of all of that I could never see myself leaving him...I just want great sex.

How important is sex to you? Could you be with someone you really care about, someone who was absolutely wonderful in every way except the bedroom?

Think about it.....how much does sex really matter? You could meet someone that you have great sex with but they are a complete ass in every other aspect of their personality thereby eliminating any hope of a real relationship. I don't know.

Cheating is not an option but it doesn't stop the fantasies....oh well.

21 People saying stuff:

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

Great honest post, Diva.

I felt the same with my ex. And no, I couldn't live without the good sex. I didn't know it at the time though! I thought I had a low sex drive till I left him.

But the grass is never greener. Yep, met plenty of blokes great in bed but crap in relationships.

One day I may find the balance!

Maybe you should be honest with him, and see if you can 'spice' it up in the bedroom?

Stepping Over the Junk said...

Cheating like that fills a void in an instant but then it leaves. But then, the thought of wanting it is pretty much telling us when we are not getting what we need or there is a lack of vibrancy or surprise in the current relationship. I don't think about sex with another man kind of cheating, but more just having a relationship that is more of what I want or need longer term. I am focusing on that in my current relationship, changing my perception of relationships in general and weighing what is acceptable, what I can do without, etc. Great post.

laughingattheslut said...

No cheating.

Dump him already if you don't think it's going work out in the long run, but no cheating.

Sex fantancies? Sure. Imagine a threesome. Imagine aliens. Imagine a whole damned football team. I hear you can buy stuff that makes your fantasy sex life more fun. Haven't actually done that last part yet, but in my current situation, I might.

But don't actually cheat on anyone. Afterward you would either a.) fell really horrible about it or b.) find out that you really are one of those terrible people who can do that sort of thing and not feel bad about it. Who wants to find out either of those things?

Bad Girl said...

Not connecting during sex...or bad sex in general is a bad sign for your relationship overall. Good, regular sex is EXTREMELY important.

If you're not satisfied sexually, that will permeate to not being satisfied with The Analyst in other ways, too. Instead of cheating, why don't you just start fresh with a new guy who rocks your whole world...and not just your brain?

lisa q. said...

i have to agree girl! it's a package deal and you know what? you can have it all! there's someone out there who can give everything you need...great sex included...

here's the thing...if you're not satisfied with the sex, that will carry over to other aspects of the relationship and, eventually, the whole damn thing will deteriorate...

you sure you don't need my class? sex could be your area of focus...how much fun would that be to explore??? lol...oh geez already my mind is pondering the possibilities...

Rachel said...

I don't know anything about your relationship so I am just speculating.
Try and introduce new things into the bedroom and try and seduce him (for more frequency) many times the man is very willing to amp it up.
He might thing that he has to handle you with kid gloves because you are a delicate flower.
Let him know that he can rough it up a bit and he might just surprise you.

Vixen said...

I find that most guys can be taught how to be romantic and how to knock your socks off or in this case rip your panties off... Maybe the key here is to be open and honest with him.

Make a trip to your local HUSTLER store and get a tantric sex book, some toys and such and show him how much fun and hot sex can be. Send him to this website - http://www.tantra.com/mission/lacroix.html

If he cares enough about the relationship and your open and honest I sense great things will happen and you'll have the HOT sex life you want! Sans Cheating.

CapCity said...

i agree w/ everyone else...talk to him first, see if u can repair what u have...if not, move on because as my MOM told me (when i asked her a similar question) U WILL cheat if you're not happy, so leave on good terms.

Best of luck to ya, Diva!

SSC said...

First I admire you for your honesty. Almost everyone in a relationship one time or another has these thoughts. Some choose to act on them for one reason or another thought it doesn’t make it right.

If I were you I would take control of the bedroom. I would buy things or make him watch things. Sadly some men need to be trained. However how exciting, and through that you can live our your fantasies.

You have the power Diva to spice up the bedroom. Take the control first and he will follow.

I cheated before while I was in a relationship for a stupid reason and I felt so guilty and trust me when I say I believe in Karma because, my youngest son’s father was brought into my life. Everything that I did to someone it came back to me tenfold.

Wow, again I like that you are true to yourself and honest. That is why I like reading your blog so much!!!!

Ms. Behaving said...

If the only problem you have with him is that he's not satisfying you sexually, I'd advise you to find a way to talk with him about it and or find a few creative ways to interest him in trying new things in the bedroom.

I don't think you should go out and cheat on him-- (although I admire your being so honest about wanting to.)

If you still feel he's worth holding onto (and save for that, he sounds like he is) then try putting some serious effort into making things between you two work.


JustMeWriting said...

WHAT...WHAT...AND AGAIN.....WHAT? (said in my Dave Chappell voice-which I do VERY well) GIRL...GIRL...GIRL (ok...that was the last time)

That's something. Hum, if you're IN love with him...you should be pleased, but willing to teach and maybe take charge. Go crazy on him...LOL.

Sex is VERY important to me (that's why I'm in rehad-see my 12 step post) LOL. But, I've found the more attracted or in love I was with the dude the better the sex, NOW you've got some who just KNOW what to do like never before (those I pay) LOL...KIDDING, but everybody's not like that..how long have you guys been together, if you don't mind me asking?

Bklyn Diva said...

whew.. if you didn't lay it out.. maybe you can find some kind of balance..

does he give bomb head??? or better yet.. EXPERIMENT with him..

turn him into the lover you want and NEED.. or at least have fun trying!!!

I have to be honest.. I only had one bad sexual relationship and I stayed there for 7 yrs cause I didn't KNOW any better.. LOL.. but after my daughter was born I knew I would never marry him.. he didn't deserve me.. and I left.. and boy since then I've been on an high!!! LOL but mostly because I've learned more about what I WANT

Paula D. said...

Don't cheat.....

Like most people have mentioned, turn him into the lover you want. He is more than likely unaware that he is not fulfilling your needs.

Buy a whip, role play, do a sexy lap dance......girl set it off so you can get it off! Haaaaa!!!! Have fun!

Mizrepresent said...

Great sex, is to be appreciated...and it's even so much better if you are in love with that someone, or at least in a relationship...because if neither of the two exist...ladies be honest...it leaves you wanting....and coming up with all kinds of ways to get to back to that....it's not a comfortable position to be in...but oh....on those nights or days u need it most...it can be oh, so satisfying....cuz love won't let you wait...nope, not a minute, not an hour.......it is what it is sista's...."i needdd your love so desperately...an only you can set me free....dayum Luther...but he gets it! Great post Girl!

yerdoingitwrong said...

mmmmmmmhmmmmmmmmmmm! Been there, girl. I'm hoping to find the balance one day, too.

yerdoingitwrong said...

But, it's my own fault since I don't spice it up. I should. Sometimes I wonder how good it could be if I took the time...ya know?

Roxy said...

wow. I feel exactly the same way about the guy I'm dating, except that I have no interest in cheating.

If I do, I would lose the greatest man I've ever met. Think about how your life would be if The Analyst wasn't in your life.

I can overlook the less than stellar sex because I know I am my own best lover anyways.

And as others have already said, I would definitely break up with my guy before I did anything with someone else. The guilt and hurt could never be worth it.

Roxy said...

oh... and I bought my guy the Guide to Getting It On. We're going to read it TOGETHER.

Consider trying it. I'm hoping to learn some new stuff myself.

abbagirl74 said...

Wow, this is a tough one. I am in a similar situation. But my guy is someone I would consider marrying. I love him that much, even if the sex wasn't so hot.

nicole wilson said...


Jane is Dating said...

oh girl. Sex is important. Crappy sex makes me crabby. However if Mr. A is great, why not take the lead? Verbalize or show what you need- maybe he'll surprise you!