Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Rules of Engagement

Ok, how many of you are familiar with the term “Maintenance Man”? Hmmmmm? Well for those of you that are not let me explain. A Maintenance Man is some one that a woman gets together with occasionally while she is in between relationships for the sole purpose of having hot, steamy sex.

When you have this type of relationship there are definitely ground rules that must be adhered to. Before we go any further let me explain something to you. Most of you, I am sure, are aware of the term “Fuck Buddy.” You are probably thinking, “Well Diva, isn’t that the same thing?” Well au contraire my dear. There is a distinct difference. A Fuck Buddy (Who we will refer to as FB) is someone you know, an actual friend, if you will. You may even have had a relationship with this person in the past.

A Maintenance Man (Who we will refer to as MM) is someone that you do not know very well. Some one you are acquainted with but not really friends at all. You have a physical chemistry and want to explore that.

Most women become involved with the MM or FB until Mr. Right comes along. We women have our needs too just like men and we need to have them taken care of just like men.

Some people can embark on these types of relationships with no problem. For others, however, this arrangement is not for them. The reason why are varied but have a lot to do with the afore mentioned rules. Here are some of the rules that are involved with an MM or FB:

  • No one can get emotionally attached whatsoever. Screw your brains out then keep it moving.
  • There are to be no demands on anyone’s time. You get in where you fit in.
  • There are no “dates” or vacations.
  • There is no talk of the future.

These are just SOME of the rules involved. I’m sure some of you could come up with you own rules to add.

My question to you is how do you feel about this type of arrangement? Have you gotten involved in this type of relationship? If so, how did it work for you?

Me personally, I could never embark on such an arrangement. I am the type of woman that must have an emotional connection with the person I am with. I would eventually start to develop feelings or worse yet, start to feel used.

What’s your thoughts?

33 People saying stuff:

Sizzle said...

i'm way too emotional for that kind of arrangement and frankly, i am never so in NEED of sex that i can't wait until the next guy i'm going to date to come along. i mean there have been dry spells but i've survived and it's way less complicated for me to just be single and not having sex with anyone in between relationships.

Suze said...

Yeah, I let emotions get involved so that wouldn't be for me.

Noe said...

When I met G - who's been my FB for about a year- we didnt know each other and we were both looking for the same thing: just sex. A 'friendship' developed out of being together but it's not that I have feelings for him.
We've thought about dating once because our sexual chemistry is awesome, but we can't stand each other outside the bedroom.
We care for each other, but not in a way a bf would care for me.
I enjoy being with him coz I dont have to bring anything to the relationship. He accepts things for what they're. He can't ask me to change because I'm not dating him, I can't ask him to change what I dont like about him 4 the same reasons.
I'm emotionally attached to someone else (you know) but having sex with him is awesome. There is nothing required. I go by his place, I do my thing, and that's it.
There's no phone calls. No emails. Nothing.
We dont get involved in each other's lives and we ask opinions when we think it's ok to ask for them.
Did I ever dream of having a fuck buddy? NOPE.
I wanted a bf. I got him instead.
I dont think it's the best relationship, but right it's what I have and it's working for me. I know it's not for everybody... mostly if you get attached emotionally with the person you're with.
It's not a healthy relationship, but it's ok for now.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

ive been called such, even had a friend use to send me text and email sayin she needed her sink fixed LOL

Joe said...

I'm probably in the minority where men are concerned on this one, but I've never been good at those types of relationships. I won't go into more detail, but they just aren't for me.

ANO said...

I had a "Fuck Buddy" or "Friend With Benefits" and it didn't work out at all. It's not for me. I get attached and then I end up getting fucked over. I've only done it once and I'll never do it again. It doesn't help matters that he's a complete Douchebag and was never really a friend to begin with.

Blah.

Eb the Celeb said...

I wrote a poem about this posted it on the blog a while back called emotionless sex gets emotional. I personally have had the maintenance man... and it works when the person only stimulates your body. It starts to get tough when they actually have conversation thats engaging... thats what really gets me. I have had a maintenance man turn into more because we ended up confiding in each other more than we should... and the only midnight visits started to change to daylight hours.

its good though that you recognize that you couldnt handle the maintenance situation. most ladies wont admit that and say they can handle it and then start going ballistic on dude when they are feeling him more and he is still all about the booty

Karen said...

I have done it and it didn't work out for me. I couldn't help getting "relationshipy" with my FB. I was really jealous when I would see him talking to other women. That doesn't mean I wouldn't try it again if the right guy came along at the right time.

laughingattheslut said...

Besides the obvious that you'd risk an unwanted pregnancy and STDs for someone you wouldn't even date, etc....

I think that having the FB type situation as a distraction probably keeps you from working harder at your "real" relationships.

soumynona said...

I have to admit. I have been on both sides of the equation. I was someone's fb and I'm the kind of person that can talk and share feelings without catching them (you feel me) I thought this was a cool arrangement until she told me that she was in love with me and she had a dream we were married. Yeah well, I have avoided her since, and tis a shame bc she had that "come back" for sho!!

SSC said...

I don't think I could do that knowing what was happening. Because I would get too attached. Funny thing is I think I have been the FB or the MW. I usually didn't find out until someone would say, isn't he dating so and so. And I would be like yeah me, and they would say...mmm no not you!!!! SUCKS!!!!!
But it sounds alright if both parties can agree to it. I just couldn't do it as I would be planning vacations, and anticipating holidays.

Monique said...

I've tried this twice. The first time was after my divorce ... it turned into an emotionally draining, two-year, on and off affair. I had to cut off all contact with him cold turkey. The second time was this summer ... we hooked up twice in a week, then I never saw him again. Unfortunately, he keeps e-mailing and txting. So, yeah, not a good idea. Get a good vibrator instead!

shorty said...

My comment would be more of a post, so perhaps I'll do that.

I was thinking of doing a man in review wrap up for 2007.

It's really tough for me though and you'll see why.

To answer the question.

I've been on both ends of the equation.

I can do it, have done it and would do it again if need be.

terri said...

Great concept, but I'd be WAY too emotional. Couldn't do it.

Jane said...

I'll be the first to admit that that type of relationship is not for me. I have a good friend who has had both FB and MM in her life and un-fortunately she would become emotionally attached which of course didn't work out. I think in general although sure we as women have sexual needs in the long run I think in general we end up longing for that emotional attachment that comes with intimacy.

Lys said...

I've never had a MM, but a FB - sure. My ex was my FB before we dated, we dated for a while off and on in college - and then it was back to FB status. The sex was spectactular but relationship wise - weird. Then, eventually someone *cough* got emotional and forgot the rules. Heart. Broken. And sadly, our friendship was too. Would I go that route again - I dunno. Only time will tell I guess.

Jay said...

I think it's lovely to have someone in your life like that, if you can handle it. Not everyone can.

Jeni said...

Thinking back over the relationships (? if you wanna call some of them that) over the the last 20-30 years, I'm way too emotional to be able to deal with a situation like that although I think most of my previous relationships have been that I was someone else's FB or MW -just didn't realize it at the time.

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

mm of fb, either way, I don't think it works, because, as you said, someone gets more emotional, and that is where it ends.

Kelley said...

Hmmm, I had a blend of the two. A guy who was a friend, we went places together when we didn't have dates and occasionally got a bit 'closer'. There was an emotional connection there but the sex wasn't part of that.

Does that make sense? I still love him to pieces even though it was years and years ago.

CarmenSinCity said...

When I was younger and going to the clubs, I had a couple of fuck buddies. However, I always grew attachments to these guys and I wanted a relationship, but I played the "cool girl" part and just fucked them. But, I always got hurt in the end. So, truly, I'v never had a Fuck Buddy or MM without any attachments on my part. Now that I'm older, I definitely know that I want a relationship and those guys just won't do.

I love this post by the way.

Just to let you know, your blog and a handfull of my others are my absolute favorite and I never miss them!

dmarks said...

No emotional connection at all? Maintenance Man sounds like a sort of unpaid gigolo.

Honey-Libra said...

I had a MM and we were somewhat friends so I guess that moved him to FB...but I didn't wanna be with him and he didn't wanna be with me it was what it was....and we were fine with that...in fact we are still cordial when we see one another...but I think I'm wayy to emotional now LOL

Lady~Daydreamer said...

Prior to my relationship that I'm in right now...all I kept were FB's...and they NEVER worked because I'm way too emotional and HAVE to be #1...the only 1..all that jazz....I learned this the hard way as I do everything else.

Opinionated Diva said...

LOL...it's funny how we women come up with these creative names for the men we just want to screw - with no attachments.

Do men do this?

laughingattheslut said...

Names for people that men just want to screw--girls, women, ladies, gals, chicks, sisters, etc....

Unless they swing the other way--boys, men, guys, etc....

Mizrepresent said...

I have in the past...and it works just like you said...but now i want more, so i'm not going that route, although they are just a phone call away...i haven't called, least not for that...me and FB have chatted, and promise to hook up but haven't...a few MM's have presented themselves and their services and yet i haven't wanted to bite. I want something more substantial...i want that emotional connection with that physical experience...i want to explode both inside and out...(okay i taking this too far, lol@myself...) Bye Diva

The Ambiguous Blob said...

I prefer the term 'special friend' and I do like going on dates with my special friends. Without complicating the relationship with committments and future-talk, you are left to have lighthearted conversations and can bond on an intellectual as well as a physical level. In some ways, this kind of relationship is much more rewarding than a committed one.

Freckle Face Girl said...

Like you, I have to have an emotional connection to enjoy it. Unless he was icredibly hot... just teasing.

Tired of being broke said...

Ohter rules I can think of for MM or FB:

Do not sleep over. Do not let the sun rise and meet you in my bed....go home.

I do not want to hear about your problems or issues. I actually do not care how your day went.

Do not show up unannounced.

You cannot borrow my car or money.


All the rules I guess will help a person not develop emotions, but still damn. FB or MM is not for me, am way too emotional most times.

Sojourner G said...

I think I'll avoid this one except to say to Opinionated Diva...YES LOL

Jenna said...

I've had FB that developed into something more but it was completely dysfunctional. I definitely want more than a physical relationship...especially if I'm really attracted to the guy..I want more.

JSADTheKing said...

I've commented on post similar to this on this same subject. As a guy who has been in that position nothing is wierd than haveing the woman who taold you over and over in the beginning that all she wanted was a FB or a MM but after a while decides she wants more, whats worse is when she starts making plans and or assumptions that you want the same. If I've siad it once I've siad it a million times Ladies know what you want!!!!!!!!!!