Tuesday, April 3, 2007

A Diva Torn

I’m not sure if I am just expecting too much or if my intuitions are correct.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 months. In the beginning he was lovey dovey and quite passionate when he made love to me. He even began to start telling me he loved me on a daily basis. Then all of a sudden it stopped.

He no longer looks at me with passion in his eyes. He no longer wants to make out with me. When we have sex it’s like “wham bam thank you maam”. There is no sensuality or passion when we have sex. He doesn’t really kiss me any more during sex. Hell he doesn’t really kiss me at all. I usually get a little peck more out of duty then passion and desire.

I have brought this up to him but he tells me we need to slow down because I am too intense for him. Am I really? I just want affection and passion.

He claims he still cares and doesn’t want to leave. Sometimes I believe him and other times I think he is just not into me and is biding his time until he chooses to leave.

I am torn and not sure what to do. I need affection and passion and he’s just not giving it to me anymore.

I don’t know what to make of this. This really sucks!!!!!

18 People saying stuff:

Princess Extraordinaire said...

I don't you're asking too much of your boyfriend - especialy as these things were there a while ago and now they aren't - you simply want to know what the deal is. It's scary when guys want you to slow it down as we interpret that as I want to take a break or something - just be honest with him without being too aggresive.

dmarks said...

Is he going on that thanksgiving cruise, tentatively?

Rachel said...

The retraction of affections does not bode well.
Has there been any major issues that have happened in his life in the past few months? Death of a loved one? Loss of job?
Unless he has had some kind of important change in his life it could be indicative of a major problem.

The Diva's Thoughts said...

dmarks - He claims he is definitely going. We'll see I suppose.

rachel - I so agree with you. He is going through hell onhis job but it's beeen going on for seveeal months. He told me at one point that is the reason for his lackof affection. I just wonder if he is using that as an excuse.

Queen of Dysfunction said...

I would definitely talk to him about it, and get clarity on what "too intense" means.

lisa q. said...

i'm sorry girl...if you're not getting what you need 5 months later, imagine what 5 years might bring...you're in it to feel loved and to have your needs met right? if you're not getting them met, well...sigh

CarmenSinCity said...

I've been there too many times. Passion fades, but no kissing at all? Hmmm - seems a little strange. Maybe you should give him a little taste of his own medicine. Not make yourself so available, go out with friends, stay out really late one night, dress up and look great. Make him see that you are desired and wanted and maybe he'll realize what a GREAT thing he has.

I hope it works out for you.

laughingattheslut said...

For one thing, you let this guy move in way too soon.

And like if he doesn't want to kiss you now, early in the relationship, he's probably just not into kissing at all. You can probably expect more of the same.

Is this guy paying half the rent and all of that? Is he looking for his own place? Are you looking for a bigger place to share?

In your case I do not think that you should get into anything that you can't handle by yourself. So far, he doesn't sound like a long-term stable guy.

The Diva's Thoughts said...

laughing...- I think you maybe right about us moving too fast. He is definitely paying his share. No, neither of us are looking for alternative living arrangements thus far. My house is plenty big enough for us (3 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths, large kitchen and a den) I bought this house 4 1/2 years ago so I'm going nowhere! LOL My gut is telling me he is not the one but then he does something to make me change my mind. I am so twisted.

laughingattheslut said...

I could totally guess what your week is like. But I wasn't sure if I should leave a comment like that. What do you say?

The Diva's Thoughts said...

laughin... - I have absolutely no problem with your comment at all. I welcome it actually. I'm just trying to sort out my next move. I have no idea what to do at this point.

laughingattheslut said...

Let's see. He spends a day with you, maybe something that isn't his favorite thing, maybe following you around the mall. You have a wonderful time, you get home, expecting the wonderful time to continue. He says he's too tired for that. You can't really argue with that, since spending the day at the mall can be tiring.

The next evening you are really in the mood. You are so in the mood that you are prepared to offer him something he really likes but is not your favorite thing. He is in the next room on the computer or reading. Before you even tell him what you are thinking about, he says he's busy. Can't you tell he's busy? He's got some deadline at work. You leave him alone, thinking that when he's finished with the important stuff, he will come to bed. He finally comes to bed, but he just wants to go to sleep.

Next day, he's reading or at the computer again, and you don't want to bother him while he's busy. Later, when he comes to bed, you make suggestions. Now? Why didn't you tell me that an hour ago. I'm really sleepy now.

When you finally do have sex, it is in the morning and/or right before one of you has to go to work. Wham bam and all that. But you can't really complain because one or both of you has to go to work, and there's really no time for anything else. And after you've said that you wanted sex for the last three days, it's not like you're going to say no thanks.

His idea of being romantic involves having sex so early in the morning that you're not really awake enough to enjoy it.

Sometimes, you have so little sex and such that you start to wonder if he's interested in you at all.

But he did spend all day with you at the mall. And he did record something on tv for you that he knew you wanted to see. And he did get the newspaper out of the trash when he realized that you had missed some article he knew you'd want to know about. And when you didn't feel so good last week he went to a couple different stores to get your favorite ice cream.

And sometimes he even goes to the drugstore for you to get tampons. Maybe he even got the right box. Must be love if he'll go get tampons for you, right?


How's that?

The Diva's Thoughts said...

Laughing...- DAMN!!!! That is exactly it!!!!! Do you have our house bugged? lol That is precisly the scenerio day in and day out. I tell him if he wants to leave then do it and he says no all the time but I am not convinced.

laughingattheslut said...

Not only is your house bugged for sound, but there are hidden cameras as well.

I was going to make a porno film from the footage, but I don't have enough sex scenes yet.

The Diva's Thoughts said...

laughing... - HAHAHAHAHA!!! You are hilarious!! lol You'll have to have the cameras set up a LONG time to get enough sex scenes at my house! lol

Freckle Face Girl said...

Only 5 months & the passion has dwindled? That isn’t supposed to happen until after you get married & have a kid. Sorry, but I'd run.

Eileen Dover said...

Eeek. I'd run, too.

Wait for him. Let him intiate. Make him work for it. See if he wants it.

Hate to say it, but the fizz might be gone.

dmarks said...

I'm just not sure how much you have "into this", like how much *you* love him and really want to work things out. I think that would a big factor in this.

If it's not really anything special for you, I'd agree with the "Eeek. I'd run, too." statements.