Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The Most Excruciating Hour of My Life

Ok, I am sitting here waiting. I keep looking at the clock on the wall. Why did it only move one minute since the last time I looked? Damn, it must be broken. There are a few people sitting here waiting as well.

“Mr. McAfee, come with me please.” One by one each person is called and I am still sitting here. This waiting is getting to me now. My mind is wandering. Have I been as safe as I should have been? What about Mark? Oh I was safe with him. He was cool. Hmmmm……what about Darren? Hmmmm…. Let me think…. Darren and I weren’t safe but we didn’t do it that many times. He looked clean and safe enough, Surely He would be fine. Let me think, what about Harold? He never climaxed during intercourse so I couldn’t have caught anything from him. No, no, I’m fine. I just have to be.

Those two nurses are staring at me. Why are they staring at me? They must know something. Oh come on Dr., this waiting is excruciating.

“Ms. Diva!”

“Yes.”

“Follow me please.”

Why am I shaking as I am walking down this football length hallway?

“Right in here. The Dr. will be right with you in a moment.”

“Thanks.” I manage to squeak out as I plop onto the examining table as the nurse shuts the door. More waiting. Oh Lord. Please let this all turn out OK. Why are they keeping me waiting this long? Is he waiting for a counselor to arrive and they both speak to me? This waiting is ridiculous. Ok Diva, no negative thoughts or else God will punish you.

Oh God please make this ok. I know better then to have unprotected sex. I know better. I’m a good person Lord. I’m no streetwalker or drug addict. I live a very drama free, clean existence. Surely I’ll be just fine.

“Hello Ms. Diva.” The Dr. greets as he walks into the examining room.

Hello Dr. How are you?” He just smiles and doesn’t respond. Oh no, what does that mean?

“Hmmmmm” He says as he is looking at my chart. Oh God what does THAT mean? “Lie down and let me examine your abdomen.” I comply and he pokes around for a few moments. “Ok, follow me to my office.”

Oh oh. Here it is. I can literally hear my heart beating in my chest. I follow him. Each step getting increasingly more difficult. My legs are like lead. I manage to make it to his office and take a seat in front of his desk.

“Hmmmmmm…..let’s take a look at your lab results.”

Oh God….here we go.

“Your liver enzymes are normal and your HIV test came back non reactive.”

“That’s a good thing right?” I say apprehensively.

“That’s a very good thing.”

Whew!!! THANK YOU Lord! I feel so renewed like I have a second chance. Lord I promise I will do the right thing and be more careful in the future. I will not sleep with another guy with out a condom ANYMORE. Lord thank you!!!

8 People saying stuff:

Single guy blogging said...

Wow - I'm tense after reading that! Glad all is ok, though. :)

Princess Extraordinaire said...

Geez - you had me worried there! Congrats on getting a clean bill of health!

laughingattheslut said...

Well, I'm glad you're going to use condoms from now on.

But you do realize you could get something even when you use condoms, don't you?

And I think that HPV thing is especially hard to be safe from. If 75% of us have some form of it, it doesn't sound like the condoms keep us from getting it.

How about, you'll always use condoms, and you'll stay away from guys that you wouldn't want to risk your life for anyway.

lisa q. said...

YAY! scared me for a minute there girl! glad it's all good!

Rachel said...

Girl... I remember that fear that I had when I got my first HIV test results back.
I was pregnant and it was a test that they did.
I was sitting there on pins and needles and they never said a word. I had to ask them if the HIV test results came back and they casually looked at the chart and said "Oh yeah they did. Everything is fine".
Man that was a 40 pound weight lifted off of my shoulders.

brookem said...

wow, i was really nervous as i was reading that. im so glad things turned out okay.

(i plan to add you to my blogroll, im a bit slow at that right now!)

Stepping Over the Junk said...

WHew! I hate the waiting to hear results of something and you end up trying to rationalize and make deals with yourself and such. Glad everything is okay!

VI said...

You had me sitting on the edge of my seat then! Reminded me when I was waiting for a mammory result, the doctor had me sweating, I think they do this on purpose! All clean thank the lord.