Monday, April 9, 2007

Running Into An Ex

I ran into an ex boyfriend a little while back. I was surprised to see him but it was cool. I harbor absolutely no hard feelings or ill will toward this guy. Actually, he was a very good boyfriend; sweet, kind, considerate, generous, affectionate; everything a woman would want. We were together for three years.

Mid way into our relationship he started throwing hints and innuendos about marriage. I knew full well that if you are with someone for that length of time marriage will be brought up at some point. I knew in my heart this guy would make a fantastic husband and father someday. It all sounds pretty good, right? Not really.

See here is the thing, I didn’t love him. As a matter of fact I tried on many occasions to break up with him because I no longer felt attracted to him but there was always something going on that made breaking up with him a bad idea at the time: I was helping his brother with some graphics and letterhead for his business and his father was ill and dying of cancer for starters. It just seemed too harsh to break away so I stayed longer then I really wanted to.

When his father finally died and things seemed to settle down for him I decided to break it off with him. He was devastated and I felt so bad for him. I’ve had my heart broken many times and I KNOW how he felt and my heart was breaking because of what he was feeling. I tried to maintain a friendship with him but I soon realized that it was far too painful for him if I stayed around so I stopped communicating with him. I even stopped attending the church that he and I went to together out of consideration for his feelings. We were still civil with one another as there were no hard feelings between us.

Fast forward 4 years and I run into him unexpectantly. He is now married and has one child and expecting his second. I couldn’t be happier for him as I knew that’s what he wanted and I couldn’t give that to him. I spoke to him with a smile and he just muttered and inaudible “Wassup.” and kept moving. I was surprised as surely there was no tension or hard feelings involved between us so a friendly hello and benign “catching up” banter should not have been out of the realm of possibility. We hadn’t seen each other in about 2 years at that point and a lot had happened in both of our lives.

Would friendly banter have been inappropriate? I wonder if I was just expecting too much.

11 People saying stuff:

laughingattheslut said...

He may have an agreement with his wife that they don't talk to people that they used to sleep with or something like that.

Princess Extraordinaire said...

Maybe he still feels dejected and hurt - even when you move on sometimes these feelings still linger...

dmarks said...

Third possibility is that he was in a hurry or in a real bad mood or something, and his terse reaponse wasn't anything personal. I've experienced that kind of thing from both sides.

Freckle Face Girl said...

It would have been fun for you to catch up. Perhaps he still has some feelings and a hurt ego.

Rachel said...

Some people take rejection to heart and even years later can't get over the hurt and devastation.
Maybe someday he will get over these feelings and be able to have a civil conversation with you.

brookem said...

I don't think friendly banter would have been "inappropriate," but maybe it was still just too hard for him. Or like a door he wishes to keep closed. I think some relationships like the one you described, where things end kind of abrubtly where one is thrown off guard and feels rejected, there is always going to be a little sting leftover. At least you tried to make chat, and although he wasn't all too friendly, at least you did your part and tried to at least put it out there.

Erica AP said...

I went out with one of my boyfriends a year too long too because I thought it would be too harsh on him... But wouldn't you know it he eventually started dating my best friend and are now happily married. Crazy - But I'm defiantly still friends with him - and her... It was a long time ago.

dmarks said...

Does it make you want to go to California all the more so you don't have to run into these ex's?

lisa q. said...

i agree that maybe he's still feeling hurt or hasn't fully gotten over the rejection...or maybe he felt a little awkward because he knew that during that time his feelings were much stronger than yours...i think back on a few of my exes...there were a few that fit into that category and i think if i ran into one of them i might react just as your exguy did...

Avin said...

Ehh this one is tough, I typically dont keep contact or friendships with old boyfriends, so when running into them I just simply choose not to address them. Thats just me thought. Its not out of hurt or malice, I just think that when things are done, they are done. No sense in catching up.

Kelly said...

That is strange, especially if you had seen him 2 years ago, and it wasn't awkward then.

Maybe it was an off day.

Maybe he is still hurt...