Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Who Get's A Call To Pick Up Their Drunk Parent?

I grew up with southern parents with strong southern traditions. Even when my parents moved up north to Maryland they maintained their southern roots. They didn’t run the streets very much. Oh sure there were occasions when they went out together or with friends separately but for the most part they were family people.

When my father died several years ago I was worried about my mother. I was worried about her living alone after a lifetime of living with my father. How would she cope? Would she become a recluse? Many thoughts swirled in my head.

Needless to say I was concerned for nothing. My mother began traveling and hanging out with friends. She was getting her life and I was happy for her. She even managed to find a couple of boyfriends over the years.

On one night in particular I was asleep in my bed. It was late and tomorrow was a work day. In my deepened sleep, somewhere off in the distance I could hear a phone ring. The ringing got closer and louder over time until I realized that it was in my damn bedroom! I woke up, looked at the clock and saw that is was 1:45 am. I didn’t even look at the caller ID I just rolled right back over perturbed that someone had the audacity to call me at that hour. Low and behold the damn phone rang AGAIN! This time I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was my mother’s cell phone. I immediately picked up the phone, “Hello.” “Uuuhhh, Hello? T?” It was my mother’s male friend. “Yeah. Hi.” “Your mom is not feeling very well and she was wondering if you could come to pick her up?” “Where is she? What’s wrong?” “She is sick to her stomach and had too much to drink.” I could hear my mother in the background, “Lemme speeeek tooo heahh.” Her friend handed her the phone, “”T, come git me…I’m siiicckk. I’m down the street from you.” My mother was drunk as a skunk!! She was slurring her speak. “Alright, ma, I’m on my way.”

There is something mighty wrong with this pictire. Isn't my MOTHER supposed to get a call to come retrieve her drunk ass daughter? Surely not the other way around.

Now mind you, my boyfriend was sleeping in the bed right next to me. I was 35 and had not yet told my mother I wasn’t a virgin so her seeing my boyfriend waltzing out of my bedroom in the morning was a little too much for me to bear so I did what any self respecting 35 year old divorcee would do in that situation. I woke him up, forced him to get dressed in record time and promptly hustled his ass outta my house!

I arrive to pick up my drunk mother who is leaning out of the side of her car surrounded by her fresh vomit on the ground. Her friend was standing next to her to make sure she didn’t go anywhere. I open the passenger door and she says, “T, I’m sick!” I look at her and the vomit and I say, “I can see that!” LOL “What in the world did you have to drink?” “Not much.” “Yeah right.” Her friend chimed in and told me all the various drinks she had that evening. I’m surprised she was still conscience!

We get her in the car and I get her to my place where she slept off her alcohol induced stupor. We awake in the morning and I go to her, “Ma, you ok?’ All I get is an “mmm hmmmm.”

Sure you are! You are gonna be hurtin as soon as you open those eyes!!!

17 People saying stuff:

Erica AP said...

Haha... That's so funny. My mom doesn't drink at all but sometimes I get her to have a "wine spritzer" which is wine cut with sprite and she gets all gitty on one glass... So funny.

laughingattheslut said...

This will never happen to me. My mother doesn't like to drink, and I tolerate such things even less than she does.

I'm a bit puzzled by the whole 35-year old divorced virgin thing. Did you not tell your mother when you got married? Or did she just think that he divorced you cause you wouldn't have sex with him?

Maybe your mom was so drunk that she wouldn't have noticed the boyfriend. But that might have been a good time to break the whole not a virgin anymore thing to her. I mean, she can't really make a big deal about it when she's falling down drunk, right?

That's so funny that we're still afraid of what our parents say, even when we're being the mature ones.

Jay said...

That's hilarious. Have taken the opportunity to tell EVERYBODY she knows about this incident yet? LOL

CarmenSinCity said...

NICE!!!!!!!!

I'm usually the drunk one for sure.

Now that I'm sober though, I might be driving my parents around if they ever move out to Vegas!

dmarks said...

Fresh vomit. Nice. You are not doing the best job of selling me on the idea of getting drunk, you know :)

lisa q. said...

haha...love it...never had to go pick mine up though there was the time she got 'drunk' drinking her sloe gin...what she didn't know was that it was cherry koolaid...my brother had replaced the sloe gin with after he drank it all...

can't say the same for my girls...they driven me home drunk more than once...is that really bad?

SSC said...

Thanks for the laugh!!!
I stopped by from Stepping’s blog hope you don’t mind.

Freckle Face Girl said...

It is always nice to have something to hold over your parent's head. :)

The Diva's Thoughts said...

Laughing... - I was being facious whenI said that. I'm sure she realized I wasn't a virgin
anymore since I was 35 and was once married. We just never discussed it. lol

SSC - I don't mind at all!! Glad to have you!

Jay - Just my brothers! lol

dmarks - HAHAHA

Freckle - Yes indeed!! lol

Princess Extraordinaire said...

It's amazing when you switch roles isn;t it?

Vi vi vi vooom!!!!!!!! said...

Yep, I've had to deal with my mum drunk last summer. At least she didn't throw up!

dmarks said...

Know what? This blog is now pink.

laughingattheslut said...

It used to be pink. Just maybe not this pink.

CarmenSinCity said...

I love the new look of the blog!

dmarks said...

And what goes better with a new blog look than a new post?

lisa q. said...

okay so i already commented on the blog but i just had to say LOVE THE NEW PAGE!!!

yerdoingitwrong said...

THAT is hysterical. I adore the new look, girl!